Made A Terrible Mistake

BrassicWoman

Mylife wrote: »

Brassic at the moment he has given us a large sum ,I dont know if it will continue .I think that's a bribe so I don't tell the wife. I will have to speak to him some time so we can come to an arrangement.

I'm so sorry. You are worth better. Everyone is.

Pollycat

BrassicWoman wrote: »

I'm so sorry. You are worth better. Everyone is.

Above anyone else, this innocent child is worth better.
This baby girl deserves to have her Father support her financially - whether he wishes to have a relationship with her or not.

barbiedoll

You definitely should get child maintenance sorted out with some sort of formal arrangement. It’s all very well him dropping by with “large sums” at the moment, but you will need a reliable source of income, even if you do intend to go back to work.

With him as your boss, you could be in a very precarious position at work, especially if he wants more from you than you are prepared to give. And what about taking leave if/when your daughter is unwell and can’t be left at nursery or with a childminder? As a single parent, this responsibility will be left with you alone, you need to make sure that you will have enough money without having to ask him for cash, which he may or may not decide to give you. Supporting his child shouldn’t be a choice, it is his responsibility, whether he is married to someone else or not. You alone didn’t make a “mistake”, you both did (not that I think your daughter is a mistake, but you know what I mean) so he needs to stop faffing about and sort things out properly.

Don’t listen to people online who insist that you should tell his wife etc, you don’t need the drama at the moment, I’m sure you’re exhausted enough. Do ask your mum/family to help you, your mum may well be a little disappointed now, but that’s just at the situation, I don’t suppose for a minute that she is disappointed with her granddaughter at all.

Good luck, I know it all seems a bit overwhelming at the moment, but it will get better. Just concentrate on yourself and your baby for now, it’s a precious time and nothing else matters at present.

Snowbird

Mylife wrote: »

I slept with a married man, yes I know it was wrong but what's done is done. I'm now 8wks pregnant and have decided to keep the baby. I did not want to involve the father, but he guessed it was his and eventually I admitted it. I can look /provide tor the baby alone. Financially I'm in a good place. he seems excited, wants accompany me to all my appointments, is suggesting names etc. I have tried to tell him that I do not wish to still be involved with him but he keeps calling, texting asking how I am.He is also offering money but I have said no. I'm thinking of moving and changing my no, but that would mean leaving my well paid job . Any suggestions on how I can deal with this.

yes I know I was wrong

You may not want him in your life, but how would you feel if, when your child was older and able to understand things, he/she asked about their dad and you said "well he wanted to be involved but I said no" Your child would quite rightly be peeved that, however good a job you did as a parent he/she was brought up with no father and it was your fault?

seven-day-weekend

Mylife wrote: »

Hello everyone,just want to update those kind people who gave me good advice. I now have a beautiful daughter and yes we are alone.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter xx

Mylife

barbiedoll thank you for your thoughtful comments. We have to communicate and discuss the situation re financial issues. At the moment we are not talking. He wants more ,he promised this and that if I agreed to continue with the relationship.

Going back to work is giving me anxiety as I don't know how our work relationship will be affected. Whilst we do not work at the same site we do communicate regularly and have meetings that we both attend. Also he comes to my office at times.Also I'm dreading questions from colleagues about who is the father etc. I will have to make up a name and say he is not interested

As for telling the wife I agree it's not my business. I have already caused enough damage and telling will only hurt the children. My daughter is still a baby so it won't affect her for a few years.

My mum has been brilliant with her granddaughter. She has offered financial support even though we do not need it at the moment. Her disappointment is because she wanted more for me.

Pollycat

Snowbird wrote: »

You may not want him in your life, but how would you feel if, when your child was older and able to understand things, he/she asked about their dad and you said "well he wanted to be involved but I said no" Your child would quite rightly be peeved that, however good a job you did as a parent he/she was brought up with no father and it was your fault?

Have you read the whole thread?
You've quoted the OP's first post which was almost a year ago.
Over the course of the thread, the OP's stance on a number of things changed - although there does seem to currently be a breakdown of communication which doesn't sound like the OP's fault.

Mylife

Sevenday thank you very much despite the situation not being ideal I'm so happy tired but happy. I wish I had a seven'day'!weekend;)

Snowbird at the moment I don't know how to deal with it. He is not making it easy by pushing for more. When I said no he threw a tantrum to the point where I had to cut contact. At one time I said he can visit with his sister but he said no. He wants to visit on his own We are being punished. Things will have to change but I honestly don't know how.

Mylife

Pollycat thank you I remember much of your advice when I 1st posted. I was naive then thought I could do it my way but as most people commented the baby is as much his as its mine.i just wish I knew what to do.

Dimps_123

Ah Mylife I am feeling for you. Very similar emotions to mine when I had my son, so many years ago. It all works out in the end - honestly! Enjoy spending time with your daughter, take it all in, create memories and record as much as you can.


All you can do is take it one step at a time and no doubt you will have your daughter at the heart of every decision you make.


In my situation I was 100% honest every step of the way with my son. As much as he could understand at each age I explained what happened and he made his own decisions along the way. Unfortunately his father died over ten years ago and my son never got the opportunity to sit down and ask his dad why, however as an adult he also understands why it didn't work out. Alcohol and drugs were a huge part of his dads life, so it was those that made the decision for him. I'm not defending that behaviour or saying your daughter's dad has it any easier or harder, but all we can do is the best for our children with the situation we are put in.


I'm completely open with my son, yes I made mistakes and yes he has thrown back in my face (when he was an arrogant teenager of course :-) ). What I'm trying to say is we can only do our best. You sound like you want to do the best by your daughter and you will.


xx