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[Deleted User]

Aww, I'm sorry you're feeling like that. I totally get that, I'm a sociable person too and not good at being alone.

I think you are doing a fabulous job coping with it all.

Are there any hobbies/clubs you could take up/join?

Is your DS a bit old to have playdates where you might chat to the parents? Could he maybe invite some friends over which may lead to you becoming a bit more friendly with the kids' parents?

Would you maybe get a pet? Specifically a dog that would make you get out more and meet people on walks etc? I find cuddling my dog very therapeutic.

I have quite a few single parent friends and they all find it hard. I think it's not just companionship per se, but also being alone in making life decisions all the time. It must be very hard, I really feel for you.

I'm sorry if this is too personal, but from the few snippets you post on here, your OH doesn't really sound very supportive. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I think even if he isn't good at talking about it, you should probably sit him down and make your feelings known if you want more - having a relationship plod on for years where you're not on the same page as your partner can sometimes be worse in the long run when the inevitable break up happens. Ignoring major differences in expectations never works out well in my experience. By being with someone who doesn't make you happy or fulfil you, you're essentially blocking yourself from meeting someone who could be that person for you.

Of course, I don't know if he's generally being lovely and that outweighs it, but that's my two cents anyway. Life is too short to settle for something half-baked.

Hope that's not too presumptious, I mean it from a place of sympathy and compassion. You seem like such a lovely person and maybe you just deserve more in a relationship than what you're currently getting.

Chrystal

Moguline wrote: »

Aww, I'm sorry you're feeling like that. I totally get that, I'm a sociable person too and not good at being alone.

I think you are doing a fabulous job coping with it all.

Are there any hobbies/clubs you could take up/join?

Is your DS a bit old to have playdates where you might chat to the parents? Could he maybe invite some friends over which may lead to you becoming a bit more friendly with the kids' parents?

Would you maybe get a pet? Specifically a dog that would make you get out more and meet people on walks etc? I find cuddling my dog very therapeutic.

I have quite a few single parent friends and they all find it hard. I think it's not just companionship per se, but also being alone in making life decisions all the time. It must be very hard, I really feel for you.

I'm sorry if this is too personal, but from the few snippets you post on here, your OH doesn't really sound very supportive. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I think even if he isn't good at talking about it, you should probably sit him down and make your feelings known if you want more - having a relationship plod on for years where you're not on the same page as your partner can sometimes be worse in the long run when the inevitable break up happens. Ignoring major differences in expectations never works out well in my experience. By being with someone who doesn't make you happy or fulfil you, you're essentially blocking yourself from meeting someone who could be that person for you.

Of course, I don't know if he's generally being lovely and that outweighs it, but that's my two cents anyway. Life is too short to settle for something half-baked.

Hope that's not too presumptious, I mean it from a place of sympathy and compassion. You seem like such a lovely person and maybe you just deserve more in a relationship than what you're currently getting.

Hi MeandO :hello:
I hope you are feeling a little better now ((((hug))))

Have to say I pretty much agree with what Moguline has written.
I can vividly remember feeling overwhelmed when I was in a similar position to you many years ago. I had 3 little ones ( whose father had !!!!!! off to the other side of the world, so no maintenance payments) and the thought that I was totally responsible for everything used to give me nightmares. My parents had both recently died and I had no close family near to me. However I got through it , and so will you.
Have you thought about listing in the 'personal columns' for other Mums in your situation that live near you? Maybe just to meet up once a week, for coffee or something. You never know there may be a few of you who are just as lonely as you are.

Only you can decide whether OH is worth the effort. I know it can seem like 'any port in a storm' but you perhaps need to assess your own self worth and decide who is getting the most out of the relationship, because from where I'[m sitting it certainly doesn't seem to be you, and you're worth far more than that.
I know that with your determination you can achieve just about anything , so put your positive head on and think of solutions rather than focusing on the problems, and you'll get there.
Sending loads of positive thoughts your way and wishing you all the luck in the world . ((((hugs)))) XX

Honeysucklelou2

The description of walking on eggshells sounds worrying. Having lived like that for years, I know how wearing that can be emotionally and mentally.

Have you time or space for a dog? My elderly lurcher is and has been such a blessing. He happily goes for walks which gives motivation to go out.

Are there any interest /hobby groups locally?

crazy_cat_lady

Also agree with what the others have said about your OH... There are days I wake up very lonely, but overall I have fantastic friends and family and amazing kids. I just make sure I take people up on the offers of someone to talk to if I need it. I only realised how much my ex affected me once he was gone - I genuinely thought I was a constant cloud of doom and it turns out I'm actually not, but living with him was getting me down and I thought I deserved no better.
Also love having my cats around me, people on here and my crochet hobby... it's about finding what's right for you. And if you want someone to chat to, please PM me and I'll give you my WhatsApp or Facebook details on there.
Much love

Eager_Elephant

You deserve so much more MeandO, I know you have a comfortable relationship but clearly you want more and he isn't prepared to give it. Do you keep on with him and then you reach an older age and regret it all or do you walk away now.

You shouldnt be walking around on eggshells, no man is worth that - relationships are supposed to fun and easy.

I have a simialr history to CCL...scarily we left our husbands at roughly the same time and posted on the board after a few weeks of MIA to announce it!!! Before then we hadnt been in contaat off board.

My PM box is always open and can chat via WA also

crazy_cat_lady

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

You deserve so much more MeandO, I know you have a comfortable relationship but clearly you want more and he isn't prepared to give it. Do you keep on with him and then you reach an older age and regret it all or do you walk away now.

You shouldnt be walking around on eggshells, no man is worth that - relationships are supposed to fun and easy.

I have a simialr history to CCL...scarily we left our husbands at roughly the same time and posted on the board after a few weeks of MIA to announce it!!! Before then we hadnt been in contaat off board.

My PM box is always open and can chat via WA also

If I didn't know better I would actually think EE and I are the same person. Our lives seem to run in parallel almost, and it's good to have someone to talk to who has had pretty much the same experience as I have.

Drawingaline

Hi

While I am not divorced and am married, I too am feeling the early 40's blues. I did not take turning 40 well at all, and still feel somewhat overwhelmed. I have few close friends, and while I have a great gang through the Internet, we don't meet up very often.

I often spend evenings wishing I had a friend to gossip with, and have never understood other adults who seem to gravitate towards each other and then all go on holidays togethqr?

Anyway feel free to pm me if you ever feel like a chat.

[Deleted User]

Honeysucklelou2 wrote: »

My elderly lurcher is and has been such a blessing.

I have an elderly greyhound. They are such gentle souls. :A

Chrystal

Hope you're OK honey... sending (((hugs))) X

MeandO

I can't thank you all enough for your very kind and honest replies to my last post, it really does mean a lot and, although I don't have many close friends in real life, you bunch of lovelies do make me feel supported, so thank you all.

I'm sorry I haven't been around much and replied sooner, I just haven't felt like posting lately. I have been feeling very much 'under it' all and still feel like I'm 'not winning' with life at the moment, but I am still making it through the days ok, so that's the main thing.

Extreme and complete tiredness has not helped. Last night I could have just sat and wept at how utterly tired I was. I have not been sleeping well at all and have been feeling under the weather with what I believe are stress-related symptoms, but I made myself go to bed relatively early last night and feel better for it today. I am planning on doing the same tonight.

The OH issue... I so appreciate everyone's views on this, I really do. A lot of what you all said brought things home a bit and reinforced what I was already thinking.

I think it was Moguline who said "Life is too short to settle for something half-baked" which really struck a chord. But I wonder if I'm expecting too much from someone? Sadly, I stopped believing in, and expecting, the fairy tale scenario and that 'there's someone for everyone' a long time ago. Past experiences have made me think that way and, honestly, I think that if this ended, that would be it for me relationship wise and I would end up alone for the rest of my days. I don't have the will or energy to go through the whole dating and getting to know someone thing again. More to the point, I don't think I could cope with getting my heart broken again. I really can't deal with any more stress and sadness than I already have going on in more ways than one, not meaning to sound dramatic!


Things did get better in that OH and I had a discussion and cleared the air somewhat. I felt much easier about things after doing so and we had a lovely weekend. However, he has been a bit of a selfish k**b a couple of times since the weekend and last night I actually made him leave - I wasn't feeling at all well as it was and a comment he made when he walked in the door really peed me off. I'm pretty sure the bad and painful stomach I then had was because of the stress I was feeling about the whole situation.

I have not seen him today and am having a nice evening to myself now that DS is in bed after letting him stay up late. I will also be doing the same tomorrow and will be telling OH that, in future, I will not be cooking for him week night evenings and that I plan on having a few more evenings to myself during the week. He usually comes up most nights I have DS, but he got annoyed last night because food wasn't ready and DS was still in the bath and not in bed at 7.15pm when OH walked in the door. "Well what time are we having food then" was uttered to me in a sh*tty manner.:mad::mad::mad:
He's lovely and kind and funny 85% of the time, but the other 15% really REALLY is hard to get along with.
I don't know what to do at the moment, I really don't, but I know my fuse is quite short with him presently and I won't be putting up with the same behaviour for much longer if it continues. I have a horrible feeling things might come to a head soon.

As for the general loneliness, it didn't help when I found out that some current and ex colleagues had all gone out for a drink together one Friday and myself and another colleague weren't invited along. I felt pretty down that day.
I was saved on the day I wrote this post though as my friend and ex-neighbour came over for an hour and we sat in my garden and put the world to rights! It was so much needed and I think she understood how badly I just needed some company.
I've seen her a couple of times since, just for 10 minutes here and there, but it's nice to know there is someone at the end of the phone who understands how things are and accepts me as I am.

I have since made an effort to keep in contact with her and have texted a few old friends and have chatted to a few old neighbours and a new one. I'm really trying to talk to people every day so that I don't feel so lonely.

Unfortunately a dog isn't a possibility for us - I couldn't afford it and have never really been a 'pet' person (no offence meant to anyone who is!). I also work every day and DS is horrendously terrified of dogs, so, although that may help him to overcome that fear, it's just not plausible for us unfortunately.

As for clubs and things, it really is a huge issue of time (and money) and lack of babysitters. I don't have any spare time in life when I can get out of the house, except when DS is at his Dad's, and that has changed at the moment due to their (unsuitable for DS :mad:) living arrangements, so I am having DS more. When I don't have DS, I clean the house, do the shopping, try and get the decorating/tiling/garden sorted and see OH. If that last bit continues...

I adore swimming and used to go several times a week when I was single and DS was at his Dad's but now I can't afford the membership and I wouldn't see OH at all.

I did actually look at joining a club/activity that I have always wanted to do, but it was very expensive - over £300 per 'course' and also on a day that I have DS so isn't doable unfortunately.

Goodness, I've prattled on long enough! I do actually have some money-related bits to report, so will do that in the next post...