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MeandO

So, back to money talk , things have been rather squeaky for a week or two.

I bought some birthday gifts and, feeling low, splurged on around £70 of things that were more WANTS than NEEDS. A wax burner and some wax melts which have made my house smell lovely and have given me a lot of pleasure this week; some new flip flops as mine got thrown out last year; a couple of groupon activities for us to do this summer and a takeaway. Delivered. :eek: I felt dirty afterwards! I didn't even enjoy it.

So, money was switched form various pots to cover these and a few birthday gifts I needed to buy, thus leaving pots more depleted than they should be. This, in turn, has been making me feel anxious and probably not helping me sleep well either.

So, tonight I've closed my ISA after receiving notification that the interest rate would be dropping to 0.20% PA :mad: (what's the point?!) and have moved £3500 of the £3800 that was in there to a higher paying savings account at 1.44%. I could have earned more interest by locking my money away but can't really do that at the moment in case it is needed.

The remaining £300 has been used to top up the gifts, maintenance fee (land around development:mad:) and car/house maintenance pots and £100 has been sent to the mortgage as an overpayment.

I feel much easier about that now. Despite having less in the 'main' savings account, it has been spread around other various savings pots.

The CB and CTC have also been paid in this week and so I have spread that between the petrol, groceries and 'spends' budget as DS and I are going on the holiday I booked a few months ago next week! :j It is around a 2.5 hour drive away and is self catering, so I will be taking lots of groceries with us from the house and buying anything else we need from the Lidl close by when we get there.
There is a pool and play areas, so I won't need to spend a fortune, but have budgeted £80 for spending for the week which should be plenty for the two of us. I can't wait. :T:D:)

I'm off now to fix a couple of tops that have developed holes. I hate sewing by hand but needs must!

xx

MeandO

Oh, forgot to add, I added my mortgage to YNAB tonight too. I didn't include it before but it is another motivational tool in paying it down so am looking forward to seeing the number reduce with as many overpayments as I can manage.
Goal one, however, is to increase my 'big savings' pot to £5k, so most spare money will be sent to that account first.

Drawingaline

I like having my mortgage and house value on ynab too.

[Deleted User]

Hi MeandO,

it sounds as if you have half made your mind up already. Only you can know how you truly feel about it, but you really don't need anyone to make you feel down. A partner is meant to build you up in situations like that, not add to the weight. i think fear of loneliness keeps a lot of people in less-than-optimal relationships, but you know what - every single one of the people I know that eventually took that scary step and embraced being single ended up being much happier that way! (There have been 4 divorces in our circle of friends in the last 3 years). A few of my friends discovered new hobbies like running and all but 1 ended up in a new, much happier relationship - all people they met doing things they wouldn't have done if they had stayed in their old situation - like said running.
I'm just saying it's easy to see being single as a negative, but sometimes that situation is what lends people the strength to really go for what they actually want in life, and gain some confidence back that is often lost in unhappy relationships.
You strike me as a lovely person and I'm sure eventually someone kinder would show up.

Finances are looking good and that holiday sounds lovely! I bet that'll lift your spirits!!

MeandO

Well, the OH just turned down the offer of a child-free weekend away somewhere nice with me so he can watch sport on tv.
I think that says it all. :sad:

Everhopeful09

Hi MeandO
Delurking to respond, please don't take the wrong way but your OH sounds he needs some sense knocked into him to realise what he is about to lose.
You come across a strong, determined woman doing a fantastic job bringing up their child. Hats off to you (i have a Dd, DSD and DSS) and a OH and still find it hard work.

Sorry to hear that you feel lonely, not sure how old your little one is but is there a fb groups for mums in your area? Could you do a hobby or other interest at home in the evenings? Not a cure for loneliness but will give you something to focus on maybe.

Sending a virtual hug and happy to chat if needed. My OH goes to bed early so read diaries on here.

EH x

Pink_Butterfly

Hey lovely... I know it’s easy for me to say, but you deserve so much better. I’ve been where you are and it’s not nice. I had to make a difficult decision not too long ago but now I know it was the right one. Feel free to message me any time xxx sending hugs xxx

Eager_Elephant

Sorry to go on again but I'm failing to see what you get out of your relationship apart from grief/stress/nagging etc
He appears to basically have a wife who does everything for him at her house and then he can return to his own house having been fed and watered.
I wouldn't expect any man to walk in and demand to know when tea was going to be ready - that is just down right rude and disrespectful.

And as for him wanting to watch sport for a weekend rather than spend it with you I think that sums up what he thinks of you. You're good enough to cook his tea nearly every night, to have sex with but not good enough to enjoy our company - I am livid on your behalf.


I understand that if you end this relationship it might be your last one ever but is that such a problem?
Since I ended my marriage last year my plan was and still is to never have a serious relationship again and certainly to never live with a man again. I'm 38 and the thought of being on my own for the next 40+ years is very exciting for me - obviously we all have needs but we can have them fulfilled without being in a serious relationship.
I have 2 kids but they are basically adults and will probably fly the nest soon, currently DS is at Uni and DD spends weekdays at her dads and weekends with me but I am not lonely in the slightest. On my days on my own I just be - its nice to not have to rush about and not to have to consider anyone else.

I do believe that this relationship and his behaviour to you is affecting your mood and your outlook, if you got rid of him I bet it would improve significantly.
The only thing worse than being single and needing to be wanted is to be in a relationship and to still feel the same.

Honeysucklelou2

Incredulous that anyone would choose sport on TV rather than a weekend away. So sorry.

MeandO

Thank you for your posts everyone. I will update properly later with everything that has been going on, but for now I just want to add some figures to keep me motivated. I can’t concentrate on other stuff presently...

The mortgage is now down to under £104k - £103,983.86 to be precise. I have sent another £100 to it today as an overpayment so have less than £600 to find in the next 8 months to achieve my target of £1800 op per year.

The £100 did come from savings, but it had been transferred to pay towards a holiday that OH and I were discussing. We are now not going, so I threw it at the mortgage instead and put £50 towards DS’s new school uniform savings. Another £100 will be going back into the savings.

Money is tight, but DS has been away with his Dad this week and will be in two weeks as well so grocery spends are low. DS and I are going to see my family next week so, again, we won’t be spending much.

DS and I went on our holiday last week that I booked and paid for some time ago. It was lovely and we had some lovely quality time together with lots of laughs, but it was hard being surrounded by happy holidaying families at times when it was just the two of us.
I’m not sure I would book another break of that length for DS and I again though, not until he is much older. We actually came home a day early as we had both had enough and spent the following day doing something fun locally instead. It was a lovely week all in all.

I forced myself to finish the kitchen tiling today, I had been putting it off for a while as didn’t have the time or enthusiasm. The tiles are all done, I just need to grout them tomorrow. Thankfully I have everything I need so no further expense necessary.

Will be back soon with a proper update, but thank you everyone for your support and posts, I really do appreciate you all taking the time to post. Xx