It's Complicated

efes_shareholder

Re the texts and calls , I have been in this spot and found it disrespectful that the smallest of requests could not be fulfilled

My advise would be to ignore them - If you must read them then do however do not respond
He cannot argue with himself , and some people will do anything to draw attention to themselves even if that attention is negative

Let him talk to himself as you have told him you need space and if he cant create that then you must find it for yourself

I hope you continue to surprise yourself with your internal strength , its not easy and its horrible to find you are the cause of someones upset however you must look after you and keep your focus

spirit

efes_shareholder wrote: »

Re the texts and calls , I have been in this spot and found it disrespectful that the smallest of requests could not be fulfilled

My advise would be to ignore them - If you must read them then do however do not respond
He cannot argue with himself , and some people will do anything to draw attention to themselves even if that attention is negative

Let him talk to himself as you have told him you need space and if he cant create that then you must find it for yourself

I hope you continue to surprise yourself with your internal strength , its not easy and its horrible to find you are the cause of someones upset however you must look after you and keep your focus

He won't like it one bit that he's lost control. With narcissists, it's all about them. He will not be able to see anyone else's point of view.

last_mile

I haven’t seen him again since Monday night, yes I realise that’s only just 40 hours but I have simply refused to do a face to face meeting again.
He keeps asking me to call him, on my way to work, at lunch, on way home and before bed and that’s excluding the intermittent messages I get.
He’s sent me picture messages of a book he’s reading that details how the limbic (Sp?) system is the main cause for his anxiety issues.

I just want some peace and quiet from it all.

I now have a very close friendship with my 2 friends as we are all going through this at one stage or another.
One left her partner a few months back, there’s me who left on Friday and the other left Monday.
So we are all trying to support one another while figuring out our own problems.

spirit

I'm glad you have support with your friends LM.


He just can't see it can he. He won't do, Narcissists don't. All he can think about is me, me, me. My mother was like that. I say was, because I had to cut all contact with her.

Smodlet

"Limbic system" huh? I just googled that too.

Well done to you, LM. Whilst it is in no way my place to say so, I am proud of you, for whatever that's worth. I too am very glad your friends are there for you and you for them.

Please enjoy the lovely weather, whenever and however you want to.

Archergirl

Hi LM
You are doing great, and with the support of your friends you will get through this, keep up your resolve not to have contact, did you think about blocking his calls of changing your phone number? It's making it more difficult for you to move on (his intention) if he is pestering you all the time and it must be very draining for you as well. Take care of yourself and take heart from all the people here on your side, xx

okborednow

last_mile wrote: »

I haven’t seen him again since Monday night, yes I realise that’s only just 40 hours but I have simply refused to do a face to face meeting again.
He keeps asking me to call him, on my way to work, at lunch, on way home and before bed and that’s excluding the intermittent messages I get.

Are you answering these messages? I'm hoping not because every time you do it reinforces to him that you're still willing to engage. He seems to have no understanding of anyone's wants and needs outside his own which was the problem in the first place.

lessonlearned

spirit wrote: »

I'm glad you have support with your friends LM.


He just can't see it can he. He won't do, Narcissists don't. All he can think about is me, me, me. My mother was like that. I say was, because I had to cut all contact with her.

Yep, classic narcissist stuff. Even down to the "science" backing up his "anxiety". Pure text book. They always find a rationale to justify their behaviour, they are always in the right, everyone else is out of step.

I am so glad you have the support of your friends, especially as they have first hand experience of what you are going through.

Last mile.....when you get the chance google Narcisstic Personality Disorder. I think it will help you get a handle on what you are dealing with.

spirit

lessonlearned wrote: »

.

Last mile.....when you get the chance google Narcisstic Personality Disorder. I think it will help you get a handle on what you are dealing with.

But don't let him fool you further LM. NPD isn't something you can help him recover from. No one can.


I know we often want to 'help' and 'fix' people. It's in our nature often. but you can't.

itsanne

last_mile wrote: »

I haven’t seen him again since Monday night, yes I realise that’s only just 40 hours but I have simply refused to do a face to face meeting again.
He keeps asking me to call him, on my way to work, at lunch, on way home and before bed and that’s excluding the intermittent messages I get.
He’s sent me picture messages of a book he’s reading that details how the limbic (Sp?) system is the main cause for his anxiety issues.

I just want some peace and quiet from it all.

I now have a very close friendship with my 2 friends as we are all going through this at one stage or another.
One left her partner a few months back, there’s me who left on Friday and the other left Monday.
So we are all trying to support one another while figuring out our own problems.

It must be very difficult to think straight with that barrage of messages, and it's not giving you the chance to feel what it's like without him. It probably makes the forty hours feel a lot longer too! I think you said you had a work phone so it is difficult to change your number? It might be worth asking anyway - if you explain the problem, maybe work can change it.

Failing that, do you know how to block a number on your phone? We can help if you don't (and only if you want to). If it makes you feel more comfortable, you could message him once, saying that you'll have to block him if he doesn't stop. (He won't, but you might feel you'll have given him the chance.)

It's great that you have a support group - great for the others too. I hope you all manage to include some enjoyable activities as well as supporting each other!

A lot has happened in the space of three weeks. Even if it doesn't feel like it, you're being very strong - and it will get easier. In the long run, it's important that the outcome, whatever it is, is what you want it to be, not what he wants, not what anyone else thinks. Take care.