It's Complicated

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

Wow what an awkward situation. How lucky for him that his anxiety and other mental health problems didnt play up for once and he was able to go out (trying not to sound too sarcastic). Did he spend the whole night telling you he wanted to go home and then keep texting to ask what time you were going home? Or was he on surprisingly good behaviour?

last_mile

he was on "surprising good behavior" lol
i was having none of it, he was treated as part of the group and we went of separate ways where he got a train back home and i left in a taxi with a few friends.

i know its like ripping a plaster but i already pulled one plaster and then gave myself another boo boo. I'm not ready to pull that plaster yet.

though if his constant insistance i speak with him atleast 3 times a day keeps up i will be soon.

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

last_mile wrote: »

he was on "surprising good behavior" lol

How strange. It's almost as if he can pick and choose when the problems flair up. It's almost as if he is faking them

Primrose

You've been gone a week now. I think it,s time to start drastically reducing your contacts with him and if you really do feel you need to remain in some form of contact I,d strongly suggest you don,t fall into the habit of phoning, say every Friday night at 8 pm or whatever.

I think yiu need to avoid any suggestion that that your relationship is getting back into a regular routine. He will see that as the first sign that you're slowing working towards a reconciliation . If you feel you MUST contact him appear to do it on a completely irregular basis at times which are convenient to you or he'll have you programmed and responding to his needs againbefore you realise whats happening.

BrassicWoman

You are doing well.


Can you arrange to be doing something after work one night this week, and then set yourself a small goal of not picking up the phone or answering texts just for that day you are busy?


After one day, it gets easier. Remind yourself
- paid to work, not text and
- rude to be taking calls when you are with friends


And remember most people would see that as "normal"

Smodlet

Well done, last mile and Happy Birthday... You're a big girl, now and old enough to make your own decisions and stick to them.

Had I been in that situation at your birthday party, I would have had him thrown out. That might just have been a message that got through but I know you are not me. I am still proud of you, for whatever that's worth.

All together now, one, two, three:

Happy Birthday, last mile,
Happy Birthday, last mile,
Happy Birthday, dear miley,
Happy Birthday, last mile.

:beer:

Primrose

it must have been an uncomfortable birthday celebration with him there, but hopefully in future, your next birthday party will be very different! Look forward to doing that one completely on your own terms. Hopefully by then you will be living a new life and will have moved on.

Stoodles

last_mile wrote: »

i know its like ripping a plaster but i already pulled one plaster and then gave myself another boo boo. I'm not ready to pull that plaster yet.

though if his constant insistance i speak with him atleast 3 times a day keeps up i will be soon.

What do you gain by speaking with him 3 times a day?

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

As stoodles has said. You gain nothing from speaking to him everyday. It is purely about him wanting to feel he still has control over you. I can't imagine anything worse then having to speak to him constantly and have him turn up to your birthday party. It's clear he doesn't see the relationship is over. It's like you have just gone on a little mini break to your friends. He will never leave you alone. Maybe it's time to be brutal.

calleyw

It was suggested that she get another sim.


Which I would have done and then give the other number to everyone else.


That way no dealing with constant calls and texts.


Sadly until the op makes the decision her self to cut contact. He is still in control. And he is if its the truth.


I hope she finds it within herself to do that. As long as you are in contact he will wear you down.


Yours


Calley x