It's Complicated

Primrose

I think the fact that he is still continuously trying to ohone and text you, despite your request to be left in peace ....and this after you have taught him the lesson of leaving him..... will tell you all you need to know about this relationship. That is, he is constitutionally incapable of changing his behaviour even in the most extreme of relationship challenges when he stands to lose everything. Nothing will ever change if you go back, except that it will get worse now because he will cling and control more desperately than ever he did before.

I'm glad you have friends with similar experiences. Hopefully you will be able to support each other if your resolve starts to weaken.

Be prepared for a swing in your moods as the next few weeks pass. This is natural but do not let your resolve weaken. Gradually you'll start to get your sense of personality back and enjoy your sense of freedom again.

lessonlearned

spirit wrote: »

But don't let him fool you further LM. NPD isn't something you can help him recover from. No one can.


I know we often want to 'help' and 'fix' people. It's in our nature often. but you can't.

No, there's no cure, no medication to control "symptoms" no therapies that can alter their behaviour. They are completely unaware that they have a problem, hence everyone else is out of step, except them.

Quite simply, they are what they are, they have no concept of anything other than themselves. They have no empathy. They are incapable of true love. The only person they love is themselves.

It sounds like a damning indictment, but unfortunately it's all true. It's all about them and their egos.

The problem is they are ace manipulators, in that respect they know exactly what they are doing.

Spirit, is quite right, they can't be "fixed"

BrassicWoman

last_mile wrote: »

He!!!8217;s sent me picture messages of a book he!!!8217;s reading that details how the limbic (Sp?) system is the main cause for his anxiety issues.

Sorry, I did laugh out loud at that - has he had a brain scan to confirm that in the last 48 hours then? Bcause that's what he would need to be sure...


More fantasy I am afraid. And desperation.


I remember supernanny saying if a kid throws a tantrum, and you hold strong, but give in after 20 minutes - they have learned that to get what they want, they need to throw a tantrum for 21 minutes.


I am sure the same princple applies. Hold strong. Block the number to give you the space you have asked for, if he will not give you that space freely. You deserve it.

Smodlet

In her book "Fear of Flying" Erica Jong says “A person's not free if their freedom has to be 'given.' " Last mile, you have taken back your freedom; no-one gave it to you. Only you can deny yourself the liberty you have won.

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

You've made it a week already. Hope you are still ok and enjoying your freedom x

Smodlet

Mummy2cheekymonkeys wrote: »

You've made it a week already. Hope you are still ok and enjoying your freedom x

Assuming she has...

last_mile

Oh I'm still out of the house.
yes we talk, daily which i am trying to break the habit of.
but i didn't see him from Monday till Saturday.
it was one of my big birthdays this weekend and i was having a night out.
he still attended but i shut down all attempts at affection and relationship moves.
i was out to have fun and he wasn't going to stop me.
its a weird situation which i wasn't prepared for and i know i have brought on myself but i am trying to resolve it to where he understands this isnt fixable.
i have told him several times that i dont feel it is but hes still thinks otherwise.

Beans27

Yes! Just checked in after a week away specifically to see how you are doing Last Mile - so pleased you found the strength and are continuing to be strong. Be gentle to yourself and take strength from all the people willing on you on to a new life xx

Savvy_Sue

You may need to be (a lot) more direct. Telling him you don't 'feel' it's fixable - well, feelings can change. If it is NOT fixable, tell him and act accordingly.

spirit

last_mile wrote: »

Oh I'm still out of the house.
yes we talk, daily which i am trying to break the habit of.
but i didn't see him from Monday till Saturday.
it was one of my big birthdays this weekend and i was having a night out.
he still attended but i shut down all attempts at affection and relationship moves.
i was out to have fun and he wasn't going to stop me.
its a weird situation which i wasn't prepared for and i know i have brought on myself but i am trying to resolve it to where he understands this isnt fixable.
i have told him several times that i dont feel it is but hes still thinks otherwise.

It's like ripping a plaster off LM, it hurts at first but best done swiftly.


I don't think it serves your purpose to prolong the agony by constantly talking to him.


And belated Happy Birthday.