It's Complicated

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

Sounds mean but i would tell him over the phone or just leave a note. You know it will be bad. Either that or make sure there are other people present like your parents just in case. Go and enjoy yourself, you deserve it!!!
Dad's are such a pain in the bum aren't they! I'm sure his heart is in the right place and I'm sure he wouldn't want you staying in a abusive relationship just to keep his car safe!!

Mojisola

last_mile wrote: »

I am trying to decided how I go about telling him im leaving

Please take the advice from the above posters and leave first and then tell him - for your own safety, don't do it face-to-face.

esmy

The most dangerous time for an abused woman is the point at which she leaves. Leave first, tell him later.

Primrose

This is all good advice.
Leave first. Then phone at an appropriate time and say that you've decided for your own health and sanity he has pushed you too far - you simplycan,t facing coming back. And make sure your parent don,t give him an address where you can be contacted.

And quickly make sure yiu contact all your business contacts and give them a change of address or arrange with Royal Mail to redirect your mail like credit card or bank statements so that he doesn't have the chance to use that as a potential emotional blackmailing issue,

Oakdene

Or you could put it all in a letter & leave the letter in the house just before you leave. This way you don't have the waiting for the bombardment of calls when he returns home & finds you (& your stuff gone).

Smodlet

Oakdene wrote: »

Or you could put it all in a letter & leave the letter in the house just before you leave. This way you don't have the waiting for the bombardment of calls when he returns home & finds you (& your stuff gone).

Here's an idea: Leave and don't tell him at all, ever, by any means. You want to be free of him? Be free of him. From what you have said, he deserves nothing else.

Really, in this day and age, how long do you think it will be before he finds out you have a) left him and b) where you are. I would make the most of the small window you have before b) happens.

Primrose

Smodlet wrote: »

Here's an idea: Leave and don't tell him at all, ever, by any means. You want to be free of him? Be free of him. From what you have said, he deserves nothing else.
.

I can see this one misfiring. From his described personality it sounds highly likely he would be ringing around on the phone to all likely sources of refuge or turning up on friends or family members' doorsteps which would be uncomfortable for everybody. .

If you are leaving and taking a car, is there somewhere where you can safely park it out of sight of your friend's home so that it doesn't make it clear where your presence is? You would have to warn your family when your flight going to happen so they put their phone on answerphone and not take his calls.

If you didn,t leave a note, is there a possibility that he might report you missing to the police and send them in a wild goose chase in his anxiety to find you?.

. If so, it might be worth ringing the 101 Police non emergency number in advance, asking for a message to be passed to your local Neighbourhood team in such and such an area that if your husband tries to report you missing, you have fled from an emotionally abusive relationship , are perfectly safe and that his reports should be ignored.

itsanne

Smodlet wrote: »

Here's an idea: Leave and don't tell him at all, ever, by any means. You want to be free of him? Be free of him. From what you have said, he deserves nothing else.

Really, in this day and age, how long do you think it will be before he finds out you have a) left him and b) where you are. I would make the most of the small window you have before b) happens.

No, just no.


But don't tell him face to face. Apart from being difficult, it's risky. Leave a note, either a detailed explanation or a quick "I've had enough," whichever you would prefer.


And then, once the dust settles (because you're bound to react), enjoy the next stage of your life. Good luck!

Savvy_Sue

Primrose wrote: »

I can see this one misfiring. From his described personality it sounds highly likely he would be ringing around on the phone to all likely sources of refuge or turning up on friends or family members' doorsteps which would be uncomfortable for everybody. .

If you are leaving and taking a car, is there somewhere where you can safely park it out of sight of your friend's home so that it doesn't make it clear where your presence is? You would have to warn your family when your flight going to happen so they put their phone on answerphone and not take his calls.

If you didn,t leave a note, is there a possibility that he might report you missing to the police and send them in a wild goose chase in his anxiety to find you?.

. If so, it might be worth ringing the 101 Police non emergency number in advance, asking for a message to be passed to your local Neighbourhood team in such and such an area that if your husband tries to report you missing, you have fled from an emotionally abusive relationship , are perfectly safe and that his reports should be ignored.

I think that is EXCELLENT advice. They will pass on a 'safe and well' message on if you're willing but you can make it clear you're not going back and you don't want him to find you.

I'd also start the process of changing your address now rather than when you leave.

Primrose

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I think that is EXCELLENT advice. They will pass on a 'safe and well' message on if you're willing but you can make it clear you're not going back and you don't want him to find you.

I'd also start the process of changing your address now rather than when you leave.

Excellent advice from Savey Sue to start changing your address with your business contacts now as these things take time to process and you want as little of your personal mail filtering through to your home address, although of course this may also start teiggering suspicions in his mind if yiu suspect he feels "something is up".

Please remember this anxiety could trigger an unknown response in him if he feels he is losing control of being able to manipulate the situation so do try and make your exit quickly.