taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

doesnt feel like today is my day
have my monthly visitor and its definately zapped me.
My middle sprog has fallen down the stairs and chipped a bone in her ankle and is now in a boot whilst it heals , she can't drive so as im WFH ive agreed to drop her and my neice to work whilst it heals. I had to take the wind protector out of the golf so my neice could get in the back , to do this I had to drop the roof. I went out to do it and the weather was spitting and to my horror once I put the roof down , it would not go back up !! I turned the engine on and off a few times and nothing worked so i decided to drive to my daughter thinking perhaps if she operated the button i could give the top a bit of a tug and hopefully get it working. I looked a proper fool driving the convertible along the high road in january in the rain !! I was only glad no one saw me.
got to my daughters , stopped the car and the roof went up no problem , very odd as the car was telling me all the way there that the roof was in operation and i was driving too quick !! 
I then went to pick up the free tv cabinet which i had intended to drop the roof and put on the back seats but after its little temper tantrum I didnt want to risk it not going back up..........stuff nightmares are made off. Suffice to say the unit is now nestled and belted in to my front seat , I need to do a food shop and I cant be bothered to either move it or go shopping.

back to middle sprog and i've astounded really that she was able to visit the minor injuries unit and get suitable treatment within an hour or so however we can't seem to get a foot in the door for an investigation in to a suspected cancer condition.................the world really has gone mad.

sister has just called to say she has to self isolate now as a lady she worked with at the weekend has tested positive so that means she can't even pop in over the next couple of weeks - feel a little over loaded on my shoulders to be honest but thats probably just tired me feeling sorry for myself.It does mean that should we actually get a swift referal after the re arranged consultation it looks as though it will be me doing the daughter duty to the hospital too. I don't resent that as I would much rather the risk to my mum was as low as possible 

efes_shareholder

so after yesterday i fancied wine and since we have lots over from xmas i've over indulged.
Result today - headache along with terrible period pains and overslept so was late to work !! only woke up because my boss called me.
I've also got a head cold just my lucks completely out !! 
Neices birthday today so money in a card dropped to the door , January is going to be very tight but thats because im stubborn and wont use the money i set aside.

Kitten868

Blinking Nora. It doesn't rain but it pours. On the plus side its only 10 days now at least until she can help again. 
I really hope your mums appointment gets sorted soon. 
Periods always come when it goes wrong. It's always the way. It's like dealing with something as a sane person isn't hard enough. Right now I'm just trying to get through this week. I think that's good enough and I'm definitely going to be using wine to do it! I hope things clearer soon! Xxx

efes_shareholder

thanks Kitten
I must admit my worry is increasing , I knocked up a small quorn curry using a vegan cook in korma sauce last night , it was lovely actually and smelt very inviting - I only served a relatively small portion so as not to overwhelm mum and as much as she enjoyed what she could eat , she was sick twice during the time she was eating it and then gave up because she felt full. She had only had a tin of soup and a roll all day other than this and probably managed half of what i served her .....................whats happening is certainly not normal. I had a bit of a rant on social media and have a relative who is hell bent on posting corona conspiracy theories etc so after my wine the other night i did put them in there place and basically said that as much as they believed this was just the flu etc I sincerely hoped that they wouldn't need to access any of the NHS services during this fake pandemic !! I've now made them aware of the situation with mum which I was considering doing anyway. They have offered their help if needed but to be honest there isn't much they can really do but its nice to have the offer. 
I've told my kids to send their nan a message a bit more often just to try and keep her spirits up during all of this , I mentioned it whilst taking my daughter and neice to work so I hope it prompts my neice too but i'm not sure if it will as she is the selfish / entitled one. 
She had a massive rant at my sister who is isolating , basically wanting her to pick them up from work despite not actually being meant to leave the house .............It was a pointless rant anyway as i know my daughter would not get in the car with her if she is isolating but just proves how neice will consider herself first. I've dropped them off for 2 o clock and picked them up at 10 this week and am yet to hear a thanks from my nieces lips despite my daughter expressing lots of gratitude. 
I'm biting my lips on lots of things and hoping I can find some tolerance of society in general as at times I'm wanting to explode !! 
Re arranged appointment is this morning so hopefully we will get a bit of clarity on when we can get in for a colonspy , sounds like an unpleasant procedure. 
Money matters seem less important right now but i need to make sure i dont take my eye off of the ball , the fact that if i just up the payments slightly I can be out of the hole by the end of they year is a good motivation - as i've said I can pay everything now if I deplete my savings but I'd rather clear as much as I can via my salary and leave my funds in my EF for when the house purchase completes. Typically I've noticed a rise in the property prices the last few weeks , im hoping this just over ambitious agents.

efes_shareholder

so we have had a consultation and now are in the system for a referral for a camera investigation and a scan...............excatly what the doc said he was fastracking 3 weeks ago.
All symptons indicate suspected bowel cancer however we should hopefully be seen within the next month.
Seems an awful long time to wait and I wonder how much more weight she will lose in the meantime.
I'm ridiculously frustrated right now , I know its circumstance of the current national crisis and theres nothing anyone can do about it , but if it is something sinister , these waiting times could really impact the prognosis.

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry to hear that. You would think suspicion of bowel cancer would accelerate the investigations even with Covid putting a strain on the system. 

efes_shareholder

hi ES , yes you would think so - I really was expecting the appointment to be arranged over the phone and within a fortnight to be honest but maybe that was naive of me
It is what it is I guess , I've googled the cost of a private procedure and its excess of 3k and I guess only escalates by a couple of weeks at best so I will have to find my patience and just accept that we are in the system now and will get seen as soon as they are able.

Kitten868

I'm sorry lovely. On all counts. People are driving me insane. Peoples definition of essential is driving me totally potty. I do believe if everyone behaved like I have this virus would have gone. 
I really hope the next stages of your mums assessment go quickly and as well as possible. Without being annoying have you tried gaviscon to keep the food down? 

Sending my love xxx

efes_shareholder

hi kitten gaviscon was one of the first things the doc suggested but it does very little to be honest so we dont bother so much now. ginger tea seems the one at the moment.
I made a veggie pasta last night , just simple mushrooms , peppers , tomatoes with some herbs and seasoning and passata and chicken stock and that was a success ,  she was able to eat it all and as far as I know kept it down so she will be getting that until it fails to work !!  Got a vegan pie and some root veg mash tonight.
yesterday wasnt a great day for me , felt overwhelmed with everything, NM is on a new shift at work and its a new routine for us , I didnt hear from him until late in the day and that sent me in a melt down as I started just wanting to get stuff off my chest to him but as the day went on became concerned for his welfare. Silly really when he was simply sleeping and going about his business and unlike me to react that way, thankfully I was contained enough to just attempt to get him on the phone and didnt send any snotto grams. 

efes_shareholder

Well the good news is today we have recieved a letter for mum to have a CT scan by on Friday, at last some progress.  We need to organise a blood test prior to this too 
Look like it will be tasked to me as Friday is my sisters last day in isolation . Bad news my belly doesn't feel great and I'm experiencing some peculiar feelings and symptons however back in my more stressed days my anxieties always presented themselves in some sort of IBS. Since life became much more settled I dont medicate for it anymore so I'm hoping that the last few days are just presenting themselves this way. 
A reminder that I need to keep my pro bios up.
Mum was slightly brighter yesterday probably after a few days eating but short lived and stomach playing up again 
Decided to try her on one of my protein powders , at the stage where we just need to get nutrients in to her.
This weeks weight loss is another 4lb but at least there is a scan booked and the cogs are turning 
As previously stated running a very tight ship this month until payday but managing ok so far - daily budget works out about 15 a day which considering there are limited options to spend shouldnt be a problem
I'd really like to have some excess left but its early days in this month of Mondays so we will have to see
21 days to NM move day , I went other last night for some rest and respite , haven't been all week and his been at work , now completely convinced no one other then us in that house lifts a finger in the communal areas of the house. The kitchen work tops were sticky and dusty and the floor absolutely hasn't been swept and was peppered with debris.
Neither of us are gonna clear up after the particular culprit , a matter of weeks and its all just a memory and let them rest in their squalor. By comparison my surroundings have improved dramatically since mums been so bad , more likely as I'm not leaving things for her hoping she will do it so am doing things daily and as she isn't feeling well she isn't making messy quicker then I can clear it