taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

Kitten868

I'm sorry you're tier 4. That's totally pants. I hope the Christmas you can carve out for yourself is lovely. Special you get to spend it with NM. 
With hot property as you say you just have to be ready to pounce. And not cave too soon on something you don't really want. You're in a great position with no chain and ready to go. Can sort your AIP in the new year xxx

efes_shareholder

I'm pretty done with xmas to be honest , Didnt have my hopes on it being a crazy one but would have liked to have got to spend it with my kids - another little reminder of the perks my ex gets from having the house. feel very resentful of that and in all honesty I could just stay in bed all day. Mum wants a traditional xmas dinner although im not sure she will manage it and its definately going to be a very quiet and very different day to what we are used too.
If this had happened and I didnt have my mum to consider I am pretty sure I would just write the whole day off. 
Its never been about presents for me , its about the one day the whole of our family comes together and although I had concerns on this , It seems pretty pointless without my most important cogs of my wheel.
Had a bit of a mini melt down which led to my son calling me telling me they were going to drop presents at the door etc as he wanted to see his mum , I havent seen him since March and even then could only see him from a distance he arrived a few days before lockdown began the first time.
I completely get why BJ has made this call , our area is currently one of the worse in the country and I am sure he wouldnt have been so drastic if there wasnt a huge risk on the virus becoming out of control. There is still a risk as I know people will flaunt the rules and think they do not apply to them and do what they like and others will leave our toer 4 area to spend the day with people in lower tiers and convince themselves they aren't doing anything wrong. 5 days always felt a little too generous. Does wind me up slightly when I hear of other tiers complaining they now can't see people as its down to one day only , maybe you should be grateful for what you have as always there are always people worse off. There are people worse off then me that don't have a roof over their head or any family at all so please all those that can at least gather minimally quit whining about it and have some empathy for others less fortunate 
I always get a bit run down at this time a year , over sensitive and probably a bit needy and this week has been no different , i have a head cold and feel worn out , Have had a covid test to be on the safe side , Cant take any risks with my mums health being how it is but it does make me think - how on earth could i distance if I was to unwittingly contract it
Back to money business , I am being paid xmas eve a whole week early. I do have a every day card balance to settle but this is taken care off as Ive been squirrelling money away for xmas. NO gym payment , No Very payment and very likely still in lockdown so all looking promising that I can start the year really hitting the c/card that I want to pay down as much as possible.
House Ex was after have decided to go with a first time buyer offer ,hats a bit of a bummer as there is nothing else really in his target area that is his sort of house he likes ( older style)  ,I pray some new stock comes live after xmas as I really dont want anything to go wrong with the sale. 

Kitten868

I totally agree with you on how you feel about Christmas. To be having another seemingly endless lockdown when the solution looked possible is crushing me. 
Maybe try to focus on the fact this is the only year this will happen. Your life is totally changing from January. You're moving out and will buying somewhere later in the year. I know it seems so small with all that's going on for you though. 
Ultimately I think its totally OK you feel this way and you're definitely not alone in feeling this way. I hope you get some good news soon or just feel stronger to deal with it xxxx

efes_shareholder

well my test is negative which is a relief
mums first batch of blood and stool tests back showing abnormalities in her stools and her sugar levels over 150 where as they are usually 30
now being fast tracked for a camera jobbie
its kind of a relief that boris did cancel xmas as I dont think my sister and her clan would have stayed away
There has been some remark from my neice how its not fair that NM is having dinner if she isn't , however we have been in a bubble and I do live here !! Also with just the three of us we can distance a lot more easier then if there was 9 !!!
I'm prepared for the back lash since i do the lions share and probably will with hospital appointments etc 

enthusiasticsaver

From the sound of it your mum is not up to  entertaining so your sister could surely not have expected her to cook lunch for 9 of you?  Or was that going to be down to you?  Cheeky and entitled of your niece. 

enthusiasticsaver

From the sound of it your mum is not up to  entertaining so your sister could surely not have expected her to cook lunch for 9 of you?  Or was that going to be down to you?  Cheeky and entitled of your niece. 

Humdinger1

Efes
What a flaming liberty! Your niece,  I mean.  She sounds entitled and as if she has a poor-me attitude.   Don't want to nag, but you are going to take care of yourself in all this aren't you?  If you implode through stress and overwork, will your sister/niece step up?  Keep going efes; you have a lot of support on here with many people full of admiration for you.  2021 is indeed going to be better.  Love Humdinger x 

efes_shareholder

Xmas dinner for 9 has always pretty much down to me although mum usually cooks the meat I take on all the other bits and get it to the table , she certainly isn't up to it this year and we are secretly a little thankful that this has been enforced rather then having to tell them to stay away.Its a bit overwhelming catering for so many even for me whose fit and able and the house does get noisy.
 Its a bit sombre not to really get to see my own children who are doing a door step visit to collect presents and drop them off and then going home for a present opening ceremony on zoom , I think my niece is the one forgetting they are the only ones of the 3 families not seeing their mum.
I am trying to take time out for me , Mums health has restored my patience with her slightly although she is still untidy/careless but that is never going to change. I am not going to change much apart from maybe try and be a bit more patient/helpful. I'm working this morning and have the laptop hooked up on the dining table because there are things to do around the house but not so much work wise but now the house is well presented as it can be for xmas it should be easier to stay on top of it going forward especially without our influx of guests.
Im pretty sure however tomorrow morning I will be running the mop around the house and wiping surfaces down. 
I need to keep calm and take care of me and vanish to NM's for a little bit of pampering/me time and just as an escape.
I'm focusing on god willing I will have my own home , I'd already put on the wish list space for a big dining table , Im not so fussed about big gardens so im happy to sacrafice garden space if theres a consevertory where I can host evenings.
Important goals for 2021 , stay focused on driving down the debt rather then accumulating any more and look forward to a new home and hopefully a week in the sunshine once this mad pandemic is over.

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

Efes
What a flaming liberty! Your niece,  I mean.  She sounds entitled and as if she has a poor-me attitude.   Don't want to nag, but you are going to take care of yourself in all this aren't you?  If you implode through stress and overwork, will your sister/niece step up?  Keep going efes; you have a lot of support on here with many people full of admiration for you.  2021 is indeed going to be better.  Love Humdinger x 

thanks Humdinger , she is the spoilt one of the pack - its not like she ever takes time out to visit usually so can only think its the fact she has her mums cooking instead of mine !!

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver said:

From the sound of it your mum is not up to  entertaining so your sister could surely not have expected her to cook lunch for 9 of you?  Or was that going to be down to you?  Cheeky and entitled of your niece. 

It was going to be my job as it always ends up being, My sister does help me with the serving up but as a rule her clan turn up , get presents , get fed , get drunk and go home s !! before bojo put the reigns on i'd already said I expected all the kids ( as they arent kids , they are adults) to be pulling their weight a lot more and there was no way my mum was going to be in the kitchen washing up after everyone.
If its in my house next year , its under my rules ...............There will be a contribution from everyone earning towards the cost and also a job assigned to everyone in making the day happen !!