taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

Humdinger1

Just checking in @efes_shareholder to see how you are love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

Just checking in @efes_shareholder to see how you are love Humdinger xx 

Hi Humdinger , I am back on track to being good I hope  

efes_shareholder

so , its been a frantic few days.

Had my MD and NM's 2 daughters over on Friday night , the daughter at home bought up the subject of MC and GWG and some red flags she had potentially noticed - As soon as MC was mentioned NM left the table and went and sat in the front room , probably best he was here as I think the floodgates would have opened if I could have talked openly.

The girls had a girls day out and apparantly he was the topic of conversation as the daughter did not know the back story and he has just turned up at the mums - complete with 3 bags of washing which he tells his mum he wasn't allowed to do at my house. He tells them all that he has been the model house guest and its only because of me that he couldn't stay and his dad was fine with it - As this has come 3rd party to me , I won't mention it but would like to remind him that it is ME who has their name on the deeds for this house and not his father !!

The daughters know all about him - their opinion is that he has absolutely no thought for how any of his actions affect other people and is full of his own importance. They doubt he has the ability to consider any one else even his own children and also do not understand where his big wages ago as he never seems to have any substantial amount. They are close to their mum but say she isn't firm with him and that he is likely to strop with her and turn nasty to get his own way.
Many of the traits that all four of us women see stink of misogynist and narcassistic traits 

I am just glad I am shot of his freeloading ways , Xmas should be interesting but I shall not be going out of my way to put myself out for him at all.

It is a miracle that he and  his sisters come from the same parents !!!

Anyhow Saturday morning we flew out to the eternal city and boy now I ache - we had a lovely weekend and saw all of the sites we had planned and clocked up a serious amount of steps.
I felt we made cost effective choices such as wine in the supermarket  , burger chains for lunch but I am not ready as yet to look at the damage to the card bill - we used my credit card just for ease but I am not ready to look at it despite having a little travel pot of funds between the two of us.

We arrived back late last night , NM has the week of off work and is yet to rise , he has never done a city break before so think the amount of walking has taken it out of him.

I've been up since 5am , am on the 3rd lot of washing and have a chicken and sweet potato curry in the slow cooker.

I need to start getting the house ready for xmas , I took my foot of the gas with the housework in the last week or so of MC being here , just lost the motivation 

Humdinger1

So glad to hear your news @efes_shareholder.  I think more and more will come out now.  What a flaming liberty! Love Humdinger xx 

enthusiasticsaver

Sounds like you have a good relationship with NMs daughters and that at least their eyes are open to how he is.  Sounds like his parents, both NM and his ex have spoilt him rotten.  Someone should sit him down and talk about finances with him or he will still be sofa surfing in his 50s. Shame NM won't take responsibility for that.  A reminder may be needed that the house is yours and not NMs.  Presumably he still has a share of the previous marital home? 

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver said:

Sounds like you have a good relationship with NMs daughters and that at least their eyes are open to how he is.  Sounds like his parents, both NM and his ex have spoilt him rotten.  Someone should sit him down and talk about finances with him or he will still be sofa surfing in his 50s. Shame NM won't take responsibility for that.  A reminder may be needed that the house is yours and not NMs.  Presumably he still has a share of the previous marital home? 

Mc talks the talk but always an excuse as to taking action- he is talking of buying down south but as his books aren’t up to date has taken no advise on what he could borrow , I did say to him the times are different for self employed people , his response was “ you need to know the right person ! So there is a little slap of reality that those days are long gone !!!!!

having never paid proper rent or a mortgage with a taste for using his above salary for his wants rather then needs I only see trouble ahead.
 

I did expect NM to have a chat along those lines but it seems he is completely sold on the hard luck story and I guess considering MC age is just expecting him to fix up !!  Maybe one day he will see it or maybe he does but is in denial but yes I think spoilt and also entitled are two good descriptions 

I have a great relationship with the girls as does my daughter , she has told me snippets of their conversation about the situation at the weekend

MC apparently has gone to mums claiming that he has had no support from anyone and no one understands the pain he has been enduring ……….. his ex cheated but he hasn’t minded about that when in super clubs with gwg - the live at home daughter said to mine “ if your mum letting him stay for next to nothing for nearly a year isn’t being supported then what is ? “ 

my daughter says she gets the impression his sisters don’t even like him , they think he only ever considers himself which is true of my experience of him 

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver said:

Sounds like you have a good relationship with NMs daughters and that at least their eyes are open to how he is.  Sounds like his parents, both NM and his ex have spoilt him rotten.  Someone should sit him down and talk about finances with him or he will still be sofa surfing in his 50s. Shame NM won't take responsibility for that.  A reminder may be needed that the house is yours and not NMs.  Presumably he still has a share of the previous marital home? 

and yes , the marital home is still jointly owned so there is really no argument about where is obliged to house him. 

Its just it doesn't SUIT him as much there - TOUGH !!

enthusiasticsaver

He will have to grow up eventually.  I wonder why his parents have not forced the issue with the money side and making sure he is setting himself up for the future.  However that may be 15-20 years too late assuming he is in his 30s now? Still at least you are rid of him now and will remember in the future if he tries a hard luck story on you. 

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver said:

He will have to grow up eventually.  I wonder why his parents have not forced the issue with the money side and making sure he is setting himself up for the future.  However that may be 15-20 years too late assuming he is in his 30s now? Still at least you are rid of him now and will remember in the future if he tries a hard luck story on you. 

He has been in a relationship for the last 10 years , one where although active in the household he was not registered living there so the dear old DSS subsided the income and provided free rent !! makes you sick !!

The tale of woe at that point was always the level of expectation the GF had and that she was abusing him financially.........................funny , 12 months after leaving he is in no better situation but he has expensive shoes etc 

I guess at some point we feel we shouldn't need to parent our children 

efes_shareholder

cleared the italy spends off of the c/card , they werent as terrible as i had thought.


Xmas tree is finally up , house is started to get organised but did notice my lounge trays were split so went to housesense and did £35 on the replacements but they are much more pleasing on the eye.

Did a trip to costco last night , targeted one for Cheese , water and avocado oil but ending up coming out with some soft drinks and a bottle of moonshine...........................still they will get used.

Also popped to our world food stores as out of ginger and tumeric for the juices and its so much cheaper in there then the supermarket. 

Today I've walked in to work to pick up a gift of JD from one of my suppliers and also been gifted some G & T's  s it was worth the steps I guess. 


Also sorted out a bit of a fiasco with octopus energy , I switched my bill to direct debit but they hadnt drawn this months so I had to call them , something in the back ground apparantly gone wrong so I have made a manual payment and the direct debit will be drawn at the amount of the bill and not a set amount.
I am a very light user anyhow but my online account indicates less usage since MC departure