taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

Newstartforme

Well done on your win , hope you treat yourself as you certainly deserve it . What can you say about MC without being nasty really , cannot stand bad manners , I'm sure all this has opened his dad's eyes in some way x

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

Well done on your win , hope you treat yourself as you certainly deserve it . What can you say about MC without being nasty really , cannot stand bad manners , I'm sure all this has opened his dad's eyes in some way x

It really is my pet hate , my kids say thank you for absolutely everything , whether its a cup of tea , wiping their nose or an errand - ANYTHING , hes obviously not been bought up the same and ive noticed it in his children so I think its just something that hasn't been installed

I have since got a what app , expressing gratitude , thanking me for welcoming him in my home etc but I haven't read it fully and I am pretty sure its been prompted by his dad to keep the peace at home. MC also has problems with written communication so im pretty sure it was written by someone else too !!!! 

I need to let it go I think and accept that he hasn't covered himself in a blaze of glory 

Humdinger1

I agree @efes_shareholder.  Once anger has been processed you do need to let it go, for the sake of your health.  I think I've heard it said that you need to drop old grudges, if only to pick up new ones.   It's still early days and raw but you're so much better than this.  Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

I agree @efes_shareholder.  Once anger has been processed you do need to let it go, for the sake of your health.  I think I've heard it said that you need to drop old grudges, if only to pick up new ones.   It's still early days and raw but you're so much better than this.  Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

I have too , by holding  on to it I will just affect myself and my health and potentially damage my relationships and really is there any need when I now have my comfort and privacy back. Although sent as an after thought , it was a nice message I got and has gone some way to subside my anger but to be fair , it needed too.

On reflection I know I let the poor choices bother me too much but that was only because I wanted my house back !!

Your very full of wisdom , my mum would probably give me similar advice so consider yourself adopted.:)

Smudgeismydog

It will take time to process and feel that you’ve got your house (and sanctuary) back, so be patient with this. I’m sure you’ll need to effectively reclaim your home, this might be things like a deep clean in the room MC was staying, or re-purposing the room so it feels different. You might also want to check round the house to ensure MC has not left any of his things there.
I know these would be the things I would want to do.

I am so glad this chapter has ended for you, allow yourself time and space to rest and recover
x

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder what an enormous compliment!  I will consider myself adopted darling.  Keep going, you're heading towards the sunlit uplands.  Love Humdinger xx 

enthusiasticsaver

I am glad you did eventually get a thank you even if prompted by NM.  Moving forward I agree it is best not to hold grudges as it is just too exhausting.  You now have your house back and I agree that thinking twice before offering sanctuary is a good plan given many seem to struggle with boundaries. 

efes_shareholder

I'm gonna be honest , today my heart feels heavy and it feels sad.

Helping someone isn't supposed to make you feel like this !! Have to keep telling myself that I can't expect me from other people.

Its not helped by the fact that the room hasn't so much as been hoovered before he left , I've avoided going in there until now other then to grab the dirty bedding ( now washed) but I've had a good look round and its quite soul destroying considering the room was freshly decorated before he came.  There are numerous dirty finger prints on the wall closest to the bed , thick dust around the skirting boards ( I did bring this to his attention and asked for it to be cleaned about 6 weeks ago ) , the mattress looked frayed and beaten , its a new bed but it was a cheapie designed only for occassional use not a 16 stone man child , the new lamp in there is damaged the bedside cabinet is thick with dust and the storage basket beneath is the same , and it needs a blooming good hoover.
 I have the 3 girls staying this weekend so it has to be sorted ( MC has now taken over his mums house with the kids)  NM and I are away this weekend so thats no problem.
I just can't shift the feeling that myself and my house have been disrespected , I mean is it usual to leave a room how you found it  or Is this really a hotel to which I am the chamber maid ? 
Maybe its a man thing - I don't know 
I mentioned having to get it done to NM ( I did not have a good day with my stomach yesterday) and he said he will help when he gets home from work , I couldn't help but remark that NEITHER of us should be having to do it.

I haven't responded to the AI generated or GWG written message - It feels like a hollow thanks and I'm hung up on the conflict of the last few weeks and the state that he has felt it acceptable to leave the room in. I was told not to say anything if you cant be kind so I shall not be responding I dont think.

I have however submitted a DR's request to my surgery for the stomach issues , it could be stress but things just don't feel right and its been some years since I have proper investigation so I would like to revisit it as how do I know nothings changed and I'm just accepting it as a "me" problem.

work was quiet yesterday so I did make a dent in my xmas shopping but still have a little way to go

2 shops collected from Asda last night using last weeks £20 off if you spend £40 , didn't need much since we are away and I am back to feeding 2 mouths so did get a few xmas treats to put aside as basically its £20 free stuff. 

NM actually cooked last night which is unusual but lovely equally - it was only burger buns and chips but its a start. 

Humdinger1

It's all of a piece with what you already know of MC @efes_shareholder.  Please don't let this gnaw away at you; it's a reflection of him, not you.  Too many boundaries have been crossed here; would it help to think what is going to make you feel better and put a plan in place to get there? You don't ever need to see him again, do you? Love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

It's all of a piece with what you already know of MC @efes_shareholder.  Please don't let this gnaw away at you; it's a reflection of him, not you.  Too many boundaries have been crossed here; would it help to think what is going to make you feel better and put a plan in place to get there? You don't ever need to see him again, do you? Love Humdinger xx 

Thank you as always.

I certainly don't want to see him anytime soon - his dad mentioned seeing the boys as he obviously hasn't seen them for some time but I'm not inclined to open my home to them for this - its terrible to feel that way and I really hope I get past it sooner rather then later , you are quite right , it says such a lot about them as a person.

I know he has left they boys gaming console in the cupboard , I could let his dad know to tell him and make his weekend access easier but I won't , I'm not feeling helpful.

NM and I are away in Italy this weekend for his birthday , it was also part of my plan for managing my seasonal depression. Right now it feels tainted for all thats gone on but only as I am working through the upset I hope

We have all the daughters over on friday night so i will at least have to smile through it and put on a united front.