taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

I've been away on a weekend break with my daughter and my sister which probably came at the perfect time , NM has also been away working security at an event.

I worked in the office on wednesday and NM did come and collect me , I niavely thought he had remembered i was going in only for him to tell me that he been told by our neighbour there were uncollected parcels on the doorstep so he assumed I wasn't there. Its a shame he did come as I was planning on heading straight out for dinner with my BFF.

We got home and I turned myself around saying that as neither of them had thought to wonder if I needed to eat the previous night  I was going out to make sure I actually got some dinner  as there was nothing out of the freezer  , i wouldnt be cooking and then I went out for the evening. 

A good chat with my BFF and a beef pie calmed me down but also I realised that how I was projecting just how upset I was about the situation was not good - I came home and we did have a bit of a chat.
The same chat we always have , how his silence to conflict does not work for me and my reaction to the silence does not work for him and that i can come across almost disrespectful - I did reply , well I feel massively disrespected , welcome to the club !!!!!! To be fair I had been quite hostile , abrupt , unwelcoming and sarcastic with my earlier responses but I feel very hurt and did not know how to project that. 

Lots of things have been said , I am not happy with how the whole situation was dealt with by him and I am even more unhappy that MC is the root cause. Basically. I have told NM that I don't recall ever being as upset about a situation with him  as I am now and although his choices weren't to intentionally upset me , I am hurt by them and I probably will be for some time. Unfortunately time will tell if I become a bit more forgiving over them , at the moment I don't know if thats possible. Maybe once MC has finally gone that may help.

I had a lovely weekend away but now I am back to reality , MC existance in my house annoys me particulary when I saw him bringing GWG in with him yesterday , laiden with snacks and pop - As his dad was away I am pretty sure he assumed that would be the case until today as we usually come back on mondays - They looked set for a movie afternoon or similar , funny 5 minutes after NM walked in the door they left , so obviously weren't there to visit him !!

Is it the end of the month yet?

Newstartforme

Hi Efes , glad you got away for a short break , even gladder it's near the end of the month for you . Wouldn't like the silent approach myself , i had similar with a friend when I brought up a valid issue with her .  but the silent approach made me feel I was somehow wrong and I then made the mistake of overexplaining to try to get a more vocal reaction , I didn't and ended up feeling like a nag . Friendship fizzled out as I sort of felt I couldn't bring certain things up with her . Hope things improve for you soon xx

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

Hi Efes , glad you got away for a short break , even gladder it's near the end of the month for you . Wouldn't like the silent approach myself , i had similar with a friend when I brought up a valid issue with her .  but the silent approach made me feel I was somehow wrong and I then made the mistake of overexplaining to try to get a more vocal reaction , I didn't and ended up feeling like a nag . Friendship fizzled out as I sort of felt I couldn't bring certain things up with her . Hope things improve for you soon xx

its very much a case of 2 steps forward and 3 back at the moment 

i take the silent treatment as stone walling - a clear message that you don't want to communicate. 

I got myself upset this morning , particularly as i learnt that a family friend who i was extremely fond off and had lots of good memories with had died in the night 

I am finding it hard to move past the disregard and the disrespect that I have felt , I am taking most of that out on NM however if I am honest none of the upset we are both now feeling would have happened if MC had just accepted what he was told in September and not gone to daddy about the possibility of pushing another 2 months out of the situation , now we have conflict from a situation that is neither of our doing and I think that is what I have to focus on 

Yes , NM did not deal with it effectively or correctly and I get the conflict of interests etc but ulimately its just another example of lack of productively from a man who wants to suckle from the parents teet rather then provide for himself.

Newstartforme

So sorry to read about the loss of your family friend,  its tough news to wake up to . Sooner MC is away the better . Its a hard situation for you both really , if MC giving the dad sob stories it's hard to say well hard luck you need to move out but I think tough love may do MC the world of good in this case !

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

So sorry to read about the loss of your family friend,  its tough news to wake up to . Sooner MC is away the better . Its a hard situation for you both really , if MC giving the dad sob stories it's hard to say well hard luck you need to move out but I think tough love may do MC the world of good in this case !

Yes I am reading the book thats all over amazon " let them" and there is a chapter talking about enabling irresponsible adult children .and how you have to put your foot down else it will just continue....................I think I shall leave it open on that chapter. 

its funny i never hear him talk about how hard done by he is until he thinks he is going to have take accountability and its like his little book of excuses comes popping out

efes_shareholder

the mood in the house today is slightly better , NM was off work yesterday for a funeral so we did have a bit of a chat as I think the conflict is taking its toll on me. 

From my point of view he doesn't have to say he made wrong choices if he felt he made the right ones at the time however he does need to be accountable for the upset that they caused and then we can begin the healing 

In this whole situation I am far more upset with MC who seems unable to be accountable and swans around completely oblivious how much conflict his sense of entitlement has caused. 

So far I see no sign of his fancy trainers and new outfits being shipped out but its 4 more days , in the wider scheme just 92 hours and hopefully things for me will improve mentally.

Anyway , hit with the reality that xmas is just round the corner and I need to get sorted , signed up several times for the asda £20 off when you spend £40 for new customers so have used those codes to start to get some foodie bits in , I won't go mad as ultimately we always end up with too much and its only a day or so the shops are shut !!

Have completed a savers shop this morning which should see us through to end of January , i really do not want to be going shopping unless I have too in the run up to xmas.

This weekend NM is working the door on saturday which I can go with him for but not sure if i want too ( will check who is going ) and on sunday we have the football which i always enjoy

enthusiasticsaver

Fingers crossed you see the back of your unwanted guest this weekend.  I think I would be finding a purpose for the room in the forseeable future so NM does not see it as a spare room which can be used again for his son no matter how temporary. He can always go to his mums or his girlfriends. 

I think they both need reminding it is your house not NMs so any decisions go via you. 

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver said:

Fingers crossed you see the back of your unwanted guest this weekend.  I think I would be finding a purpose for the room in the forseeable future so NM does not see it as a spare room which can be used again for his son no matter how temporary. He can always go to his mums or his girlfriends. 

I think they both need reminding it is your house not NMs so any decisions go via you. 

Oh I'm watching - NM is himself fully aware its my house and my choices , everything that has come his way he has told MC to ask me - the problem is , MC hasn't and has just carried on waiting to be challenged. NM has sat back waiting for MC to ask me - both burying their heads in the sand like two peas in a pod

The room has only been set up as a bedroom since just 3 weeks before MC arrived - I now am talking about changing it to a home office !!!!

efes_shareholder

  so todays word is tired

woke up at 3am with stomach related pain and just couldnt get back to sleep so was up and in the gym for 6am

beef and mushroom mix in the slow cooker and will shortly assemble my first attempt at a short crust pastry pie. the inside taste amazing so hopefully it will look instagrammable.

£6 spend in the co op as needed bread and couldnt be bothered to make lunch so grabbed a meal deal - it feels like its about 9pm so I am really looking forward to bed time and regretting the choice of a 7-8pm asda slot.

payday tomorrow and then really need to get moving on the gift buying 

efes_shareholder

got myself in to bed for 9 last night but still feel quite tired

Payday today ....................i do need to pay some bills but its soul destroying watching the money dwindle before my eyes.

Will make sure I at least take care of the council tax before the day is out.

In other news , I have a feeling there will be further unrest ..................I asked NM this morning when MC was going to his friends as today is the 28th , he said he will talk to him , I see no evidence of any rush and I feel I may blow a gasket if there is any more need to renforce the message.

Will try and be calm and adopt the "Lets see" approach but that hasn't got me anywhere in the past !!!!!!!!!

NEVER EVER AGAIN