taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder · 19 November at 3:25PM

Newstartforme said:

Grrr, furious on your behalf , how long did your partner expect this arrangement to last . I really think both thought you would extend the stay , otherwise your partner would just have gave gentle reminder ' remember what efes said , ' as opposed to building up to a big chat where he felt he was asking son to leave . I do think you sticking to your guns appears to have surprised them both. Enjoy your meal out, you certainly deserve it x

once again I think you are spot on - wise owl you are.

I think they thought the odd bunch of flowers here and takeaway treat ( but obviously not last night ) would smooth things over for me to completely forget the conversation back in September and allow him to stay in situ unchallenged.

It did just need to be a " have you spoken to efes about staying " "no not yet" " ok well she does want to stick with what was agreed " not difficult is it , doesn't have to be a mountain in fact NM told me on the weekend of the exposure of the secret conversation that to quote " it wasnt the end of the world" yet having said conversation with his child looked like it was from the distress on his face.

My own daughter said I think they thought you would buckle but they clearly don't know you

I am a stubborn when i want to be

i do feel like I am the bad guy , I know that I am absolutely not that person , I've not dropped anything last minute or flipped the script and I am really upset that I have had to get so upset over it.

Whenever i feel like the bad guy i shall re read this diary , remind myself of the energetic kids running round my house , the weeks of no keep , the expensive holidays , the designer shoes , the overnight guests requests , the fancy headphones etc etc etc

In all of this , NM has shown me that no wonder MC has no idea how to be a man ?? Look at the example hes set him !!!!!!!!!

Newstartforme · 19 November at 4:02PM

It's so insulting to think your house that you have worked so hard for and continue to do so can be made available for as long as MC chooses because he appears with a bunch of flowers , seriously. It's so sad that it's affected you when you were only doing a good turn for a few months . I wonder when MC eventually gets himself sorted if he would open his home up to someone with no end date in sight ?? Doubt it x

efes_shareholder · 19 November at 4:07PM

Newstartforme said:

It's so insulting to think your house that you have worked so hard for and continue to do so can be made available for as long as MC chooses because he appears with a bunch of flowers , seriously. It's so sad that it's affected you when you were only doing a good turn for a few months . I wonder when MC eventually gets himself sorted if he would open his home up to someone with no end date in sight ?? Doubt it x

This is very very true - I can't see him being sorted any time soon. The tax return still remains outstanding as does the incomplete year which he needs to make a phone call about ( same phone call he needed to make 6 months ago) but never gets time - despite having 2 days rained off last week and choosing not to do it

He now says making calls gives him anxiety !!!!

The great plan is to move down south and buy a house but going by his progress of the last 9 months I can't see that manifesting itself anytime soon either - HENCE there had to be a end date for something that was only ever offered short term.

Who knows maybe he will put NM up if we don't fix this as at the moment its hanging in the balance.

enthusiasticsaver · 19 November at 4:24PM

I think after all the grief you have had over recent years with losing your mum and buying your new place this situation with NM and MC must be wearing you down. Personally I would be weighing up this relationship with NM and figuring out whether this is what you really want. He does not seem to have your back and although I get he is conflicted you have been incredibly patient. I would certainly think twice before opening your doors in the future.

efes_shareholder · 19 November at 4:31PM

enthusiasticsaver said:

I think after all the grief you have had over recent years with losing your mum and buying your new place this situation with NM and MC must be wearing you down. Personally I would be weighing up this relationship with NM and figuring out whether this is what you really want. He does not seem to have your back and although I get he is conflicted you have been incredibly patient. I would certainly think twice before opening your doors in the future.

thank you - this is precisely what I will be doing. I get he feels conflicted and I get that as humans we are flawed and don't always get things right but I don't feel he has been a united front with me on this issue or shown any tough love but i guess how much you need to parent a 37 year old is down to opinions. One of the last words I said to him last night was that I would be taking some time to evaluate whether there is any value left in our relationship and that he should do the same.

Looking back at all the grief and sacrafice I have made over the last few years to finally have my sanctuary was what kept me set on no further compromising for the good of people who aren't appreicative

And no , I doubt I will ever help anyone out again , no matter who they are.

dawnybabes · 19 November at 8:10PM

I’m furious on your behalf !

It’s your house, so whatever you say goes ……. Where’s the respect ? !!!!!! ……

efes_shareholder · 20 November at 7:41AM

dawnybabes said:

I’m furious on your behalf !

It’s your house, so whatever you say goes ……. Where’s the respect ? !!!!!! ……

This is the most upsetting part.

i have already expressed 10 weeks ago that this situation can’t continue beyond the end of this month - I shouldn’t have to go to flight or fight mode for this to be achieved

MC has not respected what I said and to be perfectly honest his father has not reminded him and just tried ti pass the baton back to me therefore his father hasn’t respected it either

in trying to put myself in shoes of how I would react but I think I would have been pushing my kids to fix themselves up rather then ignoring irresponsible spending and not sorting out vital parts of that re build project like filing tax returns !!!

He’s failed me this time and that really hurts so I’m trying to understand the conflict

I can’t however disregard the fact we are dealing with a 37 year old father of 2 who has never had to be responsible in his life - even now he is taking himself from here and putting that burden on a friend - he screams coke habit at me

Newstartforme · 20 November at 4:12PM

Honestly if you hadn't said about MC age I would have assumed late teens/early twenties if I was judging from his lifestyle and behaviour. Who would plan a big move for a girlfriend who is very new ! Xx