taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

dawnybabes

You can buy sulphite free wine at most supermarkets (as my friend drinks it, I dislike all wine so don’t know if it tastes any different) 

efes_shareholder

dawnybabes said:

You can buy sulphite free wine at most supermarkets (as my friend drinks it, I dislike all wine so don’t know if it tastes any different) 

oh thank you , I will keep an eye out for this and see if it makes a difference

efes_shareholder

oh so the MC saga continues

As I woke up this morning I saw him heading out via the ring door bell with extra baggage so as I sat at the breakfast table having coffee with NM , I said "whens MC going to the south coast" - I meant , its friday is he going straight from work ( as it appeared ) or tomorrow as he often does.

I was merely trying to get a steer on whether we could have a takeaway tonight ( I refuse to have takeaway nights when he is here as £50 a week does not get you takeaways !!) - NM replies , in the new year he was going to talk to you about that !!

I think my face said it all. " I was asking whether he was going tonight or tomorrow but thank you for putting me in the picture of your secret conversations" , it was a brief discussion but I said the NY is a big window - is that Jan , Feb , next year? I asked when he was approached and NM told me about a week ago and he had told him he needed to talk to me as he had asked NM if it was ok to stay until the end of Jan.

I replied with - Why am I having another conversation when I have already said what works for me ? 

NM said he would talk to him and tell him to  talk to m which he already had  - I said I had no desire to have another conversation when I have already had one and made my expectations clear.

I get NM positioning on this , it is his ( adult) child and ultimately he wants him to sort himself out and be in a better position but 9 months hasn't achieved that and I doubt another 9 months will ......................

Suffice to say there was an atmosphere as he left this morning but I am glad my instincts haven't let me down - that womens instinct ladies , its a wonderful thing and we should rely on it more often,

my moods have been much better based on the conversation 7 weeks ago that this situation was coming to an end and I really do not think I have it in me to hold it down for another 11 weeks.

I said if he is planning on going down to the south coast at the end of January he may aswell go now.

Also peeved that once again he sees his dad as the person with influence in this house and completely side steps me by going to him 

Its put me in a bad mood for today. I reacted quite calmly but inside I am raging

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder I'm sorry to say this but but it appears that NM is enabling this at your expense. Not just financial but your mental health. You're using your voice-good. I understand that NM is in a difficult situation but he's also being exploited. MC has got a flaming cheek.  He's trying to airbrush you out.  The manipulation is awful.  I think NM needs to hear this as MC is trying to create an us vs them set up where his dad is on his side.  Can't he see how he's being played? Tell me to mind my own business but I think you might neeecto lay it all out including all the purchases.  Why does NM think it's acceptable is a fundamental question here.  Love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

@efes_shareholder I'm sorry to say this but but it appears that NM is enabling this at your expense. Not just financial but your mental health. You're using your voice-good. I understand that NM is in a difficult situation but he's also being exploited. MC has got a flaming cheek.  He's trying to airbrush you out.  The manipulation is awful.  I think NM needs to hear this as MC is trying to create an us vs them set up where his dad is on his side.  Can't he see how he's being played? Tell me to mind my own business but I think you might neeecto lay it all out including all the purchases.  Why does NM think it's acceptable is a fundamental question here.  Love Humdinger xx 

You have hit the nail on the head - Absolutely feel like MC is attempting to side step me and get his dad on side to manipulate what he wants.

I really don't get why NM hasn't challenged his spending and the dipping in to his inheritance considering that his much loved mum worked hard all her life to leave it to him. 
I don't think he knows about all of them and just trusts MC to be managing things accordingly as the blame for his finance mismanagement has always been laid at the ex partners door.

That loses its weight when he has been here 9 months and still has exhausted his wages from one week to the next 

Newstartforme

Sorry to read all of the above ES , you must be furious but probably not entirely shocked . I would be incensed about the sneaky conversations and the idea that despite you being more than clear about your wishes , you can somehow be swayed to add on another few months to the stay simply by MC running to dad . Annoyed on your behalf x

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

Sorry to read all of the above ES , you must be furious but probably not entirely shocked . I would be incensed about the sneaky conversations and the idea that despite you being more than clear about your wishes , you can somehow be swayed to add on another few months to the stay simply by MC running to dad . Annoyed on your behalf x

I’m not surprised- I knew that something had been exchanged between them for the sudden shift in mc behaviour - washing up just because , leaving cash for Nm , calling from the shop to see if anything was needed , watching tv with us and not retreating to his room 

I think it insults my intelligance - they are either stupid or they think I am.

i am pretty livid - one that you tell your dad your plans but not myself , two that the end of the month is fast approaching and you intend to put me in this position and finally that Nm has told him to talk to me rather then shut it down by reconfirming what was spoken about 2 months ago 

Smudgeismydog

Couldn’t read and run
I’ve been following for some time, and just wanted to say that from outside looking in, it does feel like you are being played, and I’m so sorry.
I think you have been more than fair, and very clear on timescales. 

I have to keep reminding myself MC is a grown man, not a teenager or even very young adult.

Sending hugs 🤗

efes_shareholder

Smudgeismydog said:

Couldn’t read and run
I’ve been following for some time, and just wanted to say that from outside looking in, it does feel like you are being played, and I’m so sorry.
I think you have been more than fair, and very clear on timescales. 

I have to keep reminding myself MC is a grown man, not a teenager or even very young adult.

Sending hugs 🤗

whether its intentional or not intentional it certainly feels that way - I have no doubt that MC knows excatly what he is doing hence approaching his dad firstly and appearing more helpful around the house , chatting more etc 

He often has conversations with his dad about not seeing the kids....................I'm pretty sure these are designed to gain sympathy on what a tough life he has , I've been a manipulator myself in the past and dont think there are many moves that get past me.

I'm more disapointed in NM , I thought I had explained excatly how I felt and rather then say to his son "no you will have to make other plans for that time , ES has said how she feels" he has encouraged him to talk to me about it ( He must be quite nervous about doing so as I'm pretty sure this conversation was a month not a week ago)

I don't feel he has my back in this and is willing to re enforce my feelings.

The fact is we are dealing with a 38 year old man earning 60+ K a year .................not a spotty student with a part time job behind the counter of macdonalds 

Humdinger1

A grown man earning 60k and with a substantial inheritance? I can hear an orchestra of tiny violins tuning up!  NM needs to man up.  Sorry i know that sounds harsh but really!