taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Yesterday just got worse - I ended up with a bad headache that wasn't passing with painkillers

Cooked a chicken tikka for NM and MC - despite not being able to eat myself for the last 48 hours. I'm absolutely too sensitive as I took offence to the lack of gratitude for making sure they ate healthy and didnt go hungry after a day at work.

I won't be doing that tonight - there are 3 pots of food in the fridge , these are for my personal use as they are my unused dinners so these are not up for grabs. Shopping is coming this morning , they can prepare something for themselves!!!!!

I didn't sleep well , I managed to grab about 40 minutes to try and shift the head pain after I had finished work. I think I am overthinking everything and maybe losing the reality - I'm just feeling very paranoid that the absence of any mention of the impeding departure means that secret conversations are being had.
Having got myself in to a state of emotional distress I finally managed to sleep around 2am and woke about 5am this morning.

I know my emotional state is not helping my digestive issues , since I haven't been able to eat properly for a few days I am going to start a gut cleanse that I had planned for the weekend - its unpleasant so I may aswell get it out of the way.


In money news , a food shop delivered today @ £70 , trying to keep it as clean as possible but do need club card deals to be able to buy the good stuff that I want too. Have some 100% coconut water which I am planning to add to the juice which I will resume once I've completed the gut cleanse

£234 sent to affinity water , I really really begrudge that one !!!!!! who knew that flushing ones poop away could be so ridiculously expensive

efes_shareholder

dawnybabes said:

Why should you have to leave your home to get a good nights sleep, get them to go to a hotel ! 

The change in weather / sunlight really doesn’t help peoples moods. 

I can’t believe you’re just charging him £50 a week, I had to pay my mum a third of my wages, if he was paying market rates then that might incentivise him to move on.

I won't go to a hotel but I feel like it !!! to prove a point however toxic !!

I am historically a miserable fooker during the winter with January being a peak and do suffer with seasonal depression so I know that isn't helping.

As for the £50 , hindsight is a wonderful thing - I set it as this as I fully expected him to take sort himself out and get himself in to his own place and I thought that if I charged him what he cost me this was more likely to happen - big mistake on my part however he could pay 4 times as much as that and I still wouldn't want him there so the money was absolutely not my incentive for offering the help.

I think I've got mug written on my head or I've just been kind to the wrong person

Newstartforme

What a rotten few days you have had , are things any better with MC mum ? That would be an option for him moving on.  I think he may have mistaken your kindness as softness which is just awful . Nothing worse than cooking for ungrateful people especially when your not eating xx

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

What a rotten few days you have had , are things any better with MC mum ? That would be an option for him moving on.  I think he may have mistaken your kindness as softness which is just awful . Nothing worse than cooking for ungrateful people especially when your not eating xx

not sure about the situation with MC mum 

woke up still feeling terrible and upset yesterday ...........like many females I just feel I am last to be considered. As I hadn't eaten for a few days I decided to do my gut cleanse. Only 15 trips to the toilet !! sorry TMI. Have eaten eggs and avocado this morning , went to bed feeling no pain as colon empty however its starting to re surface now I have eaten. Planning to do a reset continuing with the juice , adding some good quality pro biotics and some oregeno oil supplements and lots of good clean food which we generally eat anyway. It is hard to achieve the good clean food in todays supermarket prices , we shall try. 

I must have made a dent with NM as yesterday afternoon a beautiful bouquet arrived at the door  - its lovely and thoughtful and although I dont want to be ungrateful I would rather there was no need to send them !!!!

He did lose points however when he got home from work and spotted my cooking pot on the hob..............I keep  it there constantly as its pretty much always in use , he went to lift the lid ( he isnt eating himself as doing the cleanse this evening ) and said " Is this MC dinner?" - he did get an abrupt answer off " no im not cooking , why would I ?" but a little reminder of the expectation of me. He then checked the fridge and said its ok he can have leftovers , I couldnt resist saying or he could be a big boy and cook for himself.

Anyway today is thankfully a better day. 

I have a tomato and red pepper soup on the stove and will be going to tesco to get ingrediants for a low carb veg soup and that along with juicing is my work aside from work today. I do feel more energised and clearer so im gonna bank the positive.

I'm not rushing to eat properly again and will have soup for the next few days but home made not the shop bought stuff packed with additives.

Pay day today , nice £600 quarterly bonus - its not a fortune compared to some schemes but its a nice little extra before xmas and I am grateful for it.

Newstartforme

Really do hope your plans help your ongoing health issues . I started the oregano oil capsules 2 weeks ago , these ones have black seed oil , lost a good few pounds in weight without trying , slept soundly and felt I passed more in bathroom if that makes sense,  I then caught covid and stopped the capsules,  within 2 days bloated and any weight lost returned even though I wasn't eating much , I really do hope you have a good experience with them . Feel your pain on trying to keep the supermarket shop down , it's not easy to make a balanced meal without breaking the bank . Well done on your bonus , be sure to treat yourself . Have a lovely weekend xx

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

Really do hope your plans help your ongoing health issues . I started the oregano oil capsules 2 weeks ago , these ones have black seed oil , lost a good few pounds in weight without trying , slept soundly and felt I passed more in bathroom if that makes sense,  I then caught covid and stopped the capsules,  within 2 days bloated and any weight lost returned even though I wasn't eating much , I really do hope you have a good experience with them . Feel your pain on trying to keep the supermarket shop down , it's not easy to make a balanced meal without breaking the bank . Well done on your bonus , be sure to treat yourself . Have a lovely weekend xx

Thats what I have gone for , the benefits look good although it could be marketing hype

will let you know how i get on.