taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Finally managed to get out of bed to get to the gym for the 6am opening.......................think its gonna be an early night tonight !!!!

Had slow cooked chicken and coconut curry last night with Rice and Broccoli.

Works been pretty quiet so yesterday I was able to catch up on the jobs that get overlooked ..................washed down all the woodwork and skirting boards and the slats of the venetian blinds , surprising how much gathers there.

MC went to work and left his door open and his room is worse then I thought - not surprising as he is either asleep , at work or on the south coast , I left him the hoover and a packet of antibacterial wipes outside his room and when he got home told him , all of his surfaces needed cleaning , along with the wall and the room needed a proper hoover !!!!!!! To my surprise it was done straight after dinner although it did get him out of his turn with the washing up - NEVER did I think you need to tell a mid 30 year old man to clean his room but there you go!!

Today I am in the office , I have locked myself in my managers office as I don't feel social. The high winds and downfall have put paid to MC earning today so probably a good choice to come in to the office however I have a sneaking feeling that the sausages I took out the freezer for dinner may get partly consumed for his lunch..............................I hope not else I have the potential to be triggered when I have been so much more balanced lately.
There are 5 and a half weeks until the end of November and there appears to be no plan in place - I won't bring it up with NM until the end of this month but my mind has not changed and I certainly don't want MC hanging around the house all day when the weather keeps him at home and I am trying to work.
NM is slightly stressed as the daughter called to say she had had words with GWG when she had messaged MC suggesting he apologise to his mum - not because his mum was innocent but because his reaction was not good and he swore at the mum alot .................................FAMILIES !!

Newstartforme

Well done on the early gym visit ES and also well done for holding out for better customer service for your juicing machine,  wonder if it's just a faulty one ? I must say the blinds are my worst job , I leave them too long then have to do a wet clean as opposed to dusting . Hopefully if MC gets rained off he might flat hunt xx

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

Well done on the early gym visit ES and also well done for holding out for better customer service for your juicing machine,  wonder if it's just a faulty one ? I must say the blinds are my worst job , I leave them too long then have to do a wet clean as opposed to dusting . Hopefully if MC gets rained off he might flat hunt xx

we can but live in hope - its very much a him choice not a me one as I know what I'd be doing.

I hate doing the blinds , I did upstairs but I'm not ready to tackle the lounge and kitchen just yet.

The juicer was working fine and then just starting clogging , don't know if I've overloaded it and blown something or it was faulty but the replacement is working perfectly.

efes_shareholder

well where did the weekend go

Spent saturday morning with a horrible hangover and questioning my life choices , perked up once I had some paracetamol and some green juice and after a bit of deliberation was able to go to a celebration event that NM ws working on in honour of a departed friend - first time i have ever had to exchange pleasantries with NM ex from a long term relationship but she was friendly enough so thats now ok going forward

yesterday we got up and went to the gym , had a juicing session and then last night went out for dinner on NM wages which was a welcome break on a sunday evening.

Today I have paid my utilities , taken the plunge and set up a DD with my octopus so that i can benefit from the free hours of electric - seems silly not to take advantage since I am at home most of the working days and looks like you can set it to whatever amount you like which was always my concern with energy direct debits.

efes_shareholder

Todays not a good day , my stomach hasnt been great since Monday and that in itself is starting to get me down.

Tie that in with menopausal moments and its not a great combo particularly when you don't feel like your home is your own.

I have it in my head that I am potentially being manipulated to change my mind ( it isn't going to work) on the subject of MC leaving the house by the end of next month. Maybe I am overthinking maybe I am just piecing things together however since the conversation several weeks ago nothing has been mentioned about his forthcoming departure ( obviously the fall out with the mother also impacts this) 

Rewind a few weeks , I saw a message on NM phone sent to MC whilst I was at the hairdressers saying " just get it done before SHE gets home" - I took great offence to be being described as SHE , I am not the CATS MOTHER and asked NM if they had been talking about me whilst I was out - he said no but you know what that womens instinct is like. 

A few days later , MC calls his dad and has him on speaker " Shall I get ES those flowers tonight" he asks....................hmmmm has it been suggested that he does so in an attempt to win me round , i mean flowers always work right and he has never bought any sign of appreication before and when he did buy them didnt give a "these are because" speech.

MC has jumped each time he has been told to do something ( I still dont think he should need to be TOLD) and NM has been alot more productive and picking up the slack where MC falls short - for example rinsing out the sink after MC has washed up as MC just leaves the dirty water when the sink is bunged up and the WHITE sink gets stained , surely just tell him to rinse it himself however I digress. 

lots of little things like putting MC washing on the dryer for him as the space wasnt available when he did his washing after 3 weeks ( he hadn't checked) and then claiming that MC had done it himself when I know that wasn't the case. 

I kind of need to write that down as a record of how "petty" I have become and how tired of the whole situation that I am.

I am sure its made much worse by feeling under the weather but I am starting to think that my stomach issues are related to my emotional balance 

Anyway , maybe everyone is on best behaviour hoping for a change  of heart but it won't be coming - MC sat round the kitchen table last night sniffing so much we thought he was crying , when we asked about his wellbeing he said he had a cold coming .............almost by an act of god he then stopped sniffing without so much of a nose blow ..............Funny I'm pretty sure people who take a lot of cocaine also sniff alot but again I could be wrong.

also another 3k out of his inheritance ..............................................

my fixation has for now returned , I need to shift it for my own wellbeing.

In other news I will pay the water bill today , gone up to £234 for this half when the last half was £132 - another sneaky little increase that us consumers can do nothing about.

Newstartforme

Sorry the stomach problems have returned , you must feel very miserable.  Are you still feeling the benefits of the juices ? I'm hoping so . Definitely sounds like you are being played a bit . I just don't get why MC wouldn't want to move on himself , he surely can't expect the current set up to continue.  He has a decent income , has children and a girlfriend,  he appears to be very lethargic , not good if he has made no progress.  Hope you feel better soon xx

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

Sorry the stomach problems have returned , you must feel very miserable.  Are you still feeling the benefits of the juices ? I'm hoping so . Definitely sounds like you are being played a bit . I just don't get why MC wouldn't want to move on himself , he surely can't expect the current set up to continue.  He has a decent income , has children and a girlfriend,  he appears to be very lethargic , not good if he has made no progress.  Hope you feel better soon xx

yes I am still feeling the benefits but think I could be coming down with something

I feel like I am being played

I can only think he doesn't want to move on as then he will have to pay for life rather then paying £50 a week rent and lording it up all weekend with GWG

Newstartforme

Very true,  it will be the money aspect , he will want to live that life as long as possible , but from your point of you that was only until he got sorted going forward , not forever. Really hope you feel better today xx

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

Very true,  it will be the money aspect , he will want to live that life as long as possible , but from your point of you that was only until he got sorted going forward , not forever. Really hope you feel better today xx

Thank you , I'm not feeling much better today - not a great nights sleep but hopefully the mood will start to lift.

I am considering just checking myself in to a hotel for the night !!!!!!!! I don't think that is going to improve anything though

dawnybabes

Why should you have to leave your home to get a good nights sleep, get them to go to a hotel ! 

The change in weather / sunlight really doesn’t help peoples moods. 

I can’t believe you’re just charging him £50 a week, I had to pay my mum a third of my wages, if he was paying market rates then that might incentivise him to move on.