taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Abbafan1972 said:

What does NM & MC mean please? 

NM + new man which he was when i started this diary 6 years ago

MC - Manchild - offspring of NM 

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

Hope you have a lovely weekend , you will be looking forward to seeing the little one . The MC doesn't make sense , he has to check on you when you are nearly asleep but comes home from work without saying hi . You will be really relieved to get the chat out the way . Hope your nail is OK,  ninja knives are so sharp xx

it doesnt make sense - he knocked cos he wanted something and thought nothing of disturbing us 

NM white lied about it so save me kopping an hump - he failed

Seasidegal58

Yes - enjoy your weekend. 

Aaah - that's explains why the MC knocked on your bedroom door!  He actually wanted something - not to ask if you were ok!  I thought that sounded a bit odd and not like him!

efes_shareholder

Well conversation has been had
 he looked slightly shell shocked and when asked what his plans were said he wanted to buy a house down south where the new gf lived - he has known her a month or so !! I suggested a rental first as he barely knows her , hasn’t paid bills and mortgages before and is self employed so needs to establish work in that area but cuckoo land sprung to mind 
I basically said I had said short term as that worked for me but I was finding it more difficult then I expected and as the winter came I knew it would become more so and I wasn’t putting myself in that position 
he took it all in I think 🤔 I mentioned the lack of progress and had a lot of excuses about not being able to get stuff done as he was working long days and struggles with forms etc , I have offered to help him in the past and said that still stood.
I am aware I’ve become quite negative about him and despite him saying he is in a better position financially I see him being frivolous and not foreword thinking - that’s on him though and really not my business.
he said he didn’t want to go to his mums as it’s very disorganised there so I suggested looking at Gaurdian properties short term 

[Deleted User]

Hopefully not speaking out of turn , but I think now you have had the conversation things will improve and be more transparent. I have great respect for you when you say 'I am aware I’ve become quite negative about him and despite him saying he is in a better position financially I see him being frivolous and not foreword thinking - that’s on him though and really not my business.' There was a danger of you becoming fixated with the situation and getting into a negative spiral. Hopefully this will be averted. He is his own person and although he may not live the way you would his lifestyle is his choice. However, he does need to own that choice and take responsibility for it.

I would also take it as a compliment when he says, 'didn’t want to go to his mums as it’s very disorganised there,'

I am sure the deep down he knows how helpful and patient you have been. In the future he may well show that appreciation in other ways.

Take care of yourself.

Newstartforme

Glad you had the conversation ES , can't have been easy as you are obviously a very caring person . MC will have a shock to the system when he gets his own place re bills etc x

efes_shareholder

[Deleted User] said:

Hopefully not speaking out of turn , but I think now you have had the conversation things will improve and be more transparent. I have great respect for you when you say 'I am aware I’ve become quite negative about him and despite him saying he is in a better position financially I see him being frivolous and not foreword thinking - that’s on him though and really not my business.' There was a danger of you becoming fixated with the situation and getting into a negative spiral. Hopefully this will be averted. He is his own person and although he may not live the way you would his lifestyle is his choice. However, he does need to own that choice and take responsibility for it.

I would also take it as a compliment when he says, 'didn’t want to go to his mums as it’s very disorganised there,'

I am sure the deep down he knows how helpful and patient you have been. In the future he may well show that appreciation in other ways.

Take care of yourself.

I hope it helps
if he hasn’t fully absorbed the timelines he knows he cannot get settled here any more then he already is 

wisdom and experience tells me his approach is not the one for progression but those who choose not to hear must feel.

it was a bit of a pity party of how tough things are for him work wise and not seeing his kids but he had a house to maintain with the ex and children to manage and he has neither of that so I don’t see how that’s tougher on an energy level but I’m not him.
complaining about travelling in to London every day and all the driving is somewhat futile when you are travelling 2-3 hours to spend time with the gf every weekend but I guess the motivation is different !!! 

Anyhow he now knows my expectations, if he doesn’t want to go to his mums it’s up to him to make a difference 

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder may i ask, MC is moving out, isn't he? Love Humdinger xx 

Seasidegal58

Strange how he's doing the pity party about not seeing his children then in the next breath he wants to move halfway across the country to live with someone he's only just met!
it might be better if he made some plans to set up a home for himself here and put some effort into getting some legal advice in motion so he can have access to the children!

efes_shareholder

Seasidegal58 said:

Strange how he's doing the pity party about not seeing his children then in the next breath he wants to move halfway across the country to live with someone he's only just met!
it might be better if he made some plans to set up a home for himself here and put some effort into getting some legal advice in motion so he can have access to the children!

This is entirely my thought process - his plans are so disjointed and all over the place.

At one point the journey from my house to theirs ( around 30 minutes) was too much every weekend but now your talking about buying a property 100 miles away !!!

He has a form to be able to start an application to the court to get access to the kids.

Personally I think its too soon to up sticks for a relative stranger ( we can all initially present as something we aren't) and he should rent in the vicinity of his mums and our house for now but he is his own person - he said renting was dead money ( well it is tehnically ) but you need a place to live and mortgages come with an awful lot of interests over their life time so isnt that dead money???????