taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

No one can possibly think you are unreasonable least of all your own partner , if he thinks it's a 1 off visit he is fooling himself . Sorry you got upset . I'm thinking back to your chat with your sister , surely if MC had overheard anything he would not have had the audacity to ask another favour of you . Hope you have a peaceful weekend xx

This is my thinking 
he didn’t hear. 

There just seems to be no ability to even try and see my point of view. That may be my menopausal irrationality but there is an element of shielding your child’s irresponsible choices,

Nm touched on my reaction when he showed me the time of your life video from the infinity pool in beefa - he said I showed no interest 

I said I hadn’t agreed with the choice since it had been announced however the choice had been made - I’m not begrudging a holiday , it’s about balance 
I’d love to see him defend the two pairs of shoes for just shy of 1k 

I went to bed alone last night as Nm crashed in the chair after I sat in the garden drowning my sorrows in a bottle of wine.

he woke me up this morning with a cup of coffee and asked me if I wanted him to do anything - I said just listen properly 

I came downstairs and the washing basket is full of Mc washing - it’s been gradually increasing all week , I have ignored it
this weather is terrible for drying and there will be a back log if it’s not kept on top of
i won’t be doing it for someone who lies in bed on their day off. 

I have ordered a basket to keep in my room 

there is conditional communication in this house , conditional affection as long as it all suits the narrative

All I wanted was my point of view considered and that’s not been the case. 

I asked him to reverse the situation and put himself in my shoes , my child displaying the same choices etc - he said he couldn’t 

no you just don’t want to take the blinkers off 

Ordinary_Yet_Unique

To be honest I find the whole situation frustrating and ridiculous. I would not have tolerated it for one second. If any partner of mine had not been 100% supportive they also would have had their marching orders immediately. I say that as a male too. You have much more patience than myself in this situation. Fortunately for better or worse I have  been happy without any partners or offspring. 
I sincerely hope you can sort this situation, as you come across as a very caring and thoughtful person.
Best wishes.

dawnybabes

If he can’t see himself in your shoes then he needs to go !  He’s coming across as selfish and entitled as his MC. 

Newstartforme

I think NM wants an easy quiet life , but it's not up to you to provide that at the cost of son and gf using your home as they wish , so angry on your behalf x

Seasidegal58

I've just caught up with your diary after a few days. Jeez!  MC really goes from strength to strength doesn't he!  You're quite right in stating that he'll just expect his GF to stay regularly in future if you give in this once. If he can afford to take her on holiday and wine and dine her expensively then he can afford at least a Travelodge or Premier Inn to house her while she's here!  I'm rather annoyed at your OH too - he has seen and heard how difficult you're finding all this palaver yet he doesn't seem to be taking anything in!  I'm sure this stress is exacerbating your IBS and he should see this. He may well want to meet her but she can pop round for an hour or all meet up at a pub or restaurant. I'm seething on your behalf!  Please don't give in on this and the time for a deadline on when he's moving out has now passed.....

fantasyvsreality

Oh @efes_shareholder I feel so frustrated on your behalf. After everything you went through caring for your mum your home is your sanctuary and let's face it, the menopause is a challenging time of life when you need the stability of a calm and restful home. This situation is affecting your relationship to NM. It has to stop. The son needs to go. It really isn't your problem. I don't know what the solution is but it isn't living in your house. 

efes_shareholder

Thank you all - its all very calm on the home front now.

I did get myself upset over the situation , I do appreicate that it is fair to ask why you made a certain choice however once this has been provided I don't think it is fair to bring up your own requirements , opinions etc and try and influence that choice.

NM and I are now fine however he didn't appear to have my back in this and felt I should accomodate - I have now flatly laid all the reasons why I will not accomodate on the line , all the frustrations from the lack of progress to the lack of contributions to household chores on the line and clearly stated my expectation that there is a deadline in place by which MC needs to be gone. This is not done to NM or MC to decide and if he hasn't made any progress by said date thats on MC and not on me. I thought I had myself clear last week when I spoke to NM but the band air had to be ripped off and there was no more softly softly 

I will not tolerate being made to feel guilty for putting myself first when I have spent my lifetime making choices for the good of other people and I will compromise on the date. 

I think it finally sunk in when I said "at what point did anyone care how I felt?" 

It is all very well helping our kids but not helping them so they can take expensive holidays and buy expensive shoes ( at which po

NM can finally see my point !! He did bring a huge bunch of flowers home for me and we had a lovely saturday evening out with his friend for dinner but I do feel that I will have to keep enforcing that this is not on MC to tell us when he will be ready !!

Sunday the GWG was bought over for an introduction , we went for sunday lunch which was welcomed by me - she is a very polite , very well mannered and appears a very intelligent women of a similar age however the Christian Dior trainers indicate that she is also used to the finer things.

There is an obvious difference in backgrounds and NM did say to me he wasn't sure that he would keep her stimulated on a long term basis as we had a few current affair type conversations where she was very articulate and he just sat there like he didnt have A CLUE what was going on.

She is lovely on first impressions........................she still isnt welcome overnight in my house.

MC left to take her for her train and NM said " I was ready for them to go , I just want to have some chill time with you"  which I took the oppurtunity to remind him we would not have had at all had i let her stay as requested.

Anyway , the conversation with MC is imminent , today there are a further two new pairs of shoes in his room but it hasn't triggered me , in fact I think keep going son as you are giving me no reason to start to soften 

I have had a pretty good weekend spending wise , I did buy some wine on the way home from lunch yesterday and dinner for NM and I on Friday night but I got dinner on saturday and yesterday so no cooking for 3 whole days !!!!!!!!!!

today we have meatballs and pasta so the rest is over.

fantasyvsreality

I love your abbreviations by the way. GWG cracked me up. 

efes_shareholder

fantasyvsreality said:

I love your abbreviations by the way. GWG cracked me up. 

it really suits her