taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

Newstartforme

Oh my goodness efes , he really is the limit isn't he . So glad you are getting out tonight , you must be fed up xx

efes_shareholder

Yes it’s not great - Nm just came in and then asked me why i said no as he would like to meet her , that it would be a one off which I disputed and unfortunately how I felt about the situation came out then and not the way intended!! 

I said it won’t be a one off and if he wants to entertain his gf it needs to be in his own place and if I open my doors there will be no incentive to do that !!!  That it would be expected all the time 
we are still going out but there is tension in the air and I imagine a big talk to have over the dinner table 

Newstartforme

So NM saying it's up to you but then doesn't like your decision 🤔,  do you think MC in dad's ear ? Something really has to give here xx

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

So NM saying it's up to you but then doesn't like your decision 🤔,  do you think MC in dad's ear ? Something really has to give here xx

I asked him this and he said no - Nm said but she’s travelling a long way , I said I was not budging and she wouldn’t be staying here on a one off or on a regular basis.

he said he would like to meet her , I said he can bring her over or we can have lunch etc and you can meet her but I won’t be meeting her on my landing one morning on a week when my IBS has been peaked

i thought he had listened last week when we spoke - obviously not 

efes_shareholder

Ultimately as much as I don’t like to play the card it’s my house and my choice and I shouldn’t have to justify it 

dawnybabes

No you shouldn’t.  Just remember ‘No’ is a complete sentence.  If he’s not happy (either of them) then they know where the door is.

efes_shareholder

dawnybabes said:

No you shouldn’t.  Just remember ‘No’ is a complete sentence.  If he’s not happy (either of them) then they know where the door is.

I knew something was up when he came in from work , he said no and remained quiet

i just knew

i got up to make a cup of tea and then it came

mc asked if the gf could stay and you said no , why was that - I didn’t think it was unreasonable

i replied - if I allow her to stay then it will be expected every week as he will expect it and he will have no incentive to get his own place

The reply “ it’s a one off “ 

my reply “ but it won’t stay that way - it will be expected when we are away , other special circumstance etc


nm “ I’d like to meet her “

me “ you can , we can have lunch , she can visit but it won’t be across the hallway on Sunday morning “

Bm “ she’s travelling a long way “ 

“ yes she is - mc is entertaining her ? He can sort out a hotel”

I just don’t think it’s an unreasonable request - at which point I went for the jugular and didn’t miss

i reminded him of the conversation last week and how I felt we were on the same page and ultimately if I have given my answer to a question that should be enough and I shouldn’t have to explain it 

I said I found it difficult enough to have him in my space this long and even if Gwg stayed in the spare room it was still me who would prepare it , still me who would cook breakfast and ensure we were all catered for and me who would spend the whole day tomorrow cleaning the house for guest as m anal like that for a bit who couldn’t even empty the dishwasher on his day off !!

I said he had enough accommodating already and there was no more on the table , in fact  I wanted my house bqck

Said 6 months of living at less the cost of our meal tonight had been pointless and the trip to Ibiza was two finger salute at me so where was the benefit to me to give more

he did a little speech about kids being selfish and we didn’t know what he had saved and what he hadn’t - I reminded him he wouldn’t need to borrow 2k from himself f he didn’t have every spare penny flung in to the holiday and I hadn’t even mentioned the two pairs of shoes for 1k !!

I said many were very unaware of the sacrifices I had made for the good of other people , to make their life easier at the detriment to my own and although I respected it was his kid and difficult to hear there was a dose of tough love needed

he said he didn’t think Mc was living his best life probably because of the no contact with his kids ….,,,,,,, I said he earns 1250 a week and as I wanted to move on quick I am charging him a mere smudge of that so now tell me he isn’t living a great life entertaining the gf

previously he had said that he thought MC had got carried away and was trying to impress the gf so I said maybe he needs to get one to suit his budget then as my spare room will not be impressive to her !!!!!!!!! 

It all came out wrong , it was badly delivered out of frustration and lack of understanding but it’s all out there - how I feel 

I asked him to see it from my point and off course he couldnt as it’s his kid and no one likes to take on board that stuff

we are all adults , humans are flawed - I know I am and so are my kids 

I got quite upset over dinner and I did say it’s such a shame that you can only see my choice not to allow gf to stay as unreasonable rather then all the sacrifices I’ve made to trying and help your child - at no point have you or he said “ thank you” 

so yes no is a sentance and had it just been accepted then the home truths could have been saved

rant over - I feel better for that 

efes_shareholder

On the plus side the waiter in the resturant noticed I was upset and rather the check in he bought iver dessert on the house

i appreciated his act of kindness