taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

ES , what an unfair situation , maybe during his holiday you and your partner can sort out how to approach the situation,  it has went on too long,  you'll be glad he is getting out but very annoying that he is not as keen to sort his voucher , the holiday cost would go a long way to secure a flat I am sure . Hope things sort themselves out xx

its incredibly frustrating - I'm not sure when the holiday is but I know it can't be far off by the amount of parcels arriving but I am thinking that a "kid" free week is the ideal time to discuss it calmly with my partner as its booked now so there is no going back on it.

it triggers me most of the time and I have to be mindful to put my point across to NM in a way that he does not feel like its an attack on his son

He took my nephew on a cash in hand job recently that paid him more cash in a day then i earn in a month................he's churned through that in 3 weeks entertaining this new lady - he doesn't listen and is as financially irresponsible today as he was the day he arrived.

his holiday fund and his cash job could have got him in to his own premises so its very clear he has no immediate plans to do so else he would have fully filed his tax return. 

Seasidegal58

I agree with what the others have said and feel myself seething on your behalf!  I think this situation has certainly gone on for too long.  It's probably made your mood swings worse anyway!  The wardrobe request and the whole Ibiza holiday would have tipped the scales for me. A good friend has just gone through the same sort of thing with her partner's daughter. The daughter is 42 and left her husband vowing never to return. Again it was supposed to be a temporary solution but after some weeks it was clear said daughter was in no rush to sort herself out and wasn't exactly making herself useful or contributing much money wise. But still going out and returning with bags of new clothes etc. it was causing a big rift between my friend and her partner. He doesn't like confrontation and he tends to put his head in the sand. In the end my friend blew, they had the most massive row but it was enough to start to swing things around. The daughter then decided to go back to the 'awful' husband she vowed never to go back to and seems quite happy now!
I do think you need to sit down with your OH while the son is away and explain how this is affecting your relationship and your mental health. It's quite clear now that if the Manchild can afford expensive holidays, new clothes and wining and dining his GF then he can afford to sort his life out. He's basically taking the p!!! out of his father and you. 

efes_shareholder

Seasidegal58 said:

I agree with what the others have said and feel myself seething on your behalf!  I think this situation has certainly gone on for too long.  It's probably made your mood swings worse anyway!  The wardrobe request and the whole Ibiza holiday would have tipped the scales for me. A good friend has just gone through the same sort of thing with her partner's daughter. The daughter is 42 and left her husband vowing never to return. Again it was supposed to be a temporary solution but after some weeks it was clear said daughter was in no rush to sort herself out and wasn't exactly making herself useful or contributing much money wise. But still going out and returning with bags of new clothes etc. it was causing a big rift between my friend and her partner. He doesn't like confrontation and he tends to put his head in the sand. In the end my friend blew, they had the most massive row but it was enough to start to swing things around. The daughter then decided to go back to the 'awful' husband she vowed never to go back to and seems quite happy now!
I do think you need to sit down with your OH while the son is away and explain how this is affecting your relationship and your mental health. It's quite clear now that if the Manchild can afford expensive holidays, new clothes and wining and dining his GF then he can afford to sort his life out. He's basically taking the p!!! out of his father and you. 

you couldn't have summarised this any better !!!!! Every choice he is making is thinking entirely about himself with no consideration ....................I didn't realise quite how thick skinned he is or he is absolutely aware he is taking the !!!!!! but is waiting to be pulled up on it. 

I have to have the conversation with his dad , he won't expect me to house him for any longer then I am happy too , I am more dillusioned with the absolute lack of effort to sort his living space out but then why would he if he can live his best life for not much money and avoid responsibility 


Even when hes told he must sort something out , that could take time so he may have to relocate to his mums.

Currently his ex isnt allowing access to the kids , should that change any time soon I am ready to tell him they can't be clogging up my house every saturday as I have thoroughly enjoyed having my space back over the last few weeks.

efes_shareholder

anyway today is a new day.

didnt wake up with ample time to make the gym so will be heading there after work

I have one more day I think until I have to renew my membership so if I go again on friday it falls within next months budget !!!

Will be making pasta bolognaise for dinner , work is quiet so may get it on sooner rather then later but after sorting the cupboards out over the weekend I know I am in need of passata so I will need to pop out which is a pain.

Manchild didnt come home after work last night , not sure where he got too but I am really hoping he was tapping  someone up for somewhere to stay who may be able to supply wardrobe space !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you all for letting me vent , its very much appreicated x

Newstartforme

We're all here to help and advise , you have every right to feel how you feel , took you some time to get your house sorted after mum I think ? Now you have it as you like it you have the man child inhabiting it ! Your partner will understand,  you have more than accomodated his son , I think he will be a bit embarrassed,  I know I would be . Really hope the holiday brings much needed change xx

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

We're all here to help and advise , you have every right to feel how you feel , took you some time to get your house sorted after mum I think ? Now you have it as you like it you have the man child inhabiting it ! Your partner will understand,  you have more than accomodated his son , I think he will be a bit embarrassed,  I know I would be . Really hope the holiday brings much needed change xx

I think he is embarrassed slightly yes , when manchild doesn't do something he has been asked to do etc but he does say " you tell him , he doesn't listen to me" - I don't think he really digests anything that is said to him.whoever says it

It has taken me many years to have my own space , I like it how it is and i am by my own admission very anal about its upkeep - Having lived with my mum who had little care for her space or its upkeep I am all too aware how easy it is for things to slide and it does trigger me seeing the room clogged up with his stuff and not being wiped down or hoovered etc , it was freshly decorated when he moved in and I have noticed that even the lamp has been soiled with something so will probably need replacing.
still I'll deal with all that once he has vacated.