taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

Newstartforme

Hope you are OK today ES , maybe do a test,  I've heard such a lot of covid cases this week x

efes_shareholder

I am feeling a little better , just had awful flank pain for the last 24 hours and had to keep myself dosed up with painkillers , the pain gets that intense I am almost feel "dopey" once its manageable and like its zapped any energy of me.

Had quite a pleasant weekend , friday NM and I shared a bottle of wine in the garden , saturday we got up and did a gym session , came home and did a few odd jobs and then went to a friends pie and mash shop for lunch. we came back , had a few hours rest and then went out for dinner with friends.

Sunday we went to my daughters house for a family day where the grandson was the star of the show.

was meant to get back in the gym yesterday but the pain was too much so had a very early night and got up at 5 this morning and got in there for an hour.

Shopping has been delivered , tesco offered me a £9 off if I spent £90 voucher so off course i was a marketers dream and complied - this is much more then i would usually spend so I made sure that the extras I bought were non perishables that will be used over time - rice , tins of various beans ( not baked !!) stock pots , toilet cleaner etc. I will even it out next week and hopefully not buy anything other then a few days fresh as we are once again away next weekend as NM is providing the security cover for another soul event. 

The man child can cater for himself hence he still gives very little back 

NM gave him some small household jobs on saturday ( empty bin , that kind of thing) and when we got home he had gone out and not done any , kind of sums him up really but rather then get annoyed I shall withdraw my effort levels towards him. He seems to have very little interest in anything other then earning money and internet dating sites , i must be getting old but I guess its quite typical of newly single young men these days.

efes_shareholder

woke up at 4.30 this morning so in the gym for 6am and despite the bright day beef and horseradish stew in the slow cooker for later.

Also woke up to a tax rebate of £1400 odd pounds , finally did my self assessment last week so I guess this shows in my favour ........................lots of things going round my head on what to do with it , have put it in savings for now but thinking as i have technically already paid it out then its not free money 

I do need a new phone as I cannot hear anyone unless I put them on speaker and this has been on my radar for a while so I will buy a phone outright rather then be tied in to a contract and I will buy a refurbished model at that.

In other news yesterday NM  bought us a new front door - we have had a solid front door since we moved in , its not very old and it looks the part as it co ordinates with the cupboard door next to it but it lets no light in and as a result the long hallway we have feels dark constantly. The door is composite and not very old however as its his idea and he is paying I will welcome some extra light in to my life.

efes_shareholder

Didnt realise it was so long since I posted

Feel a bit down and despondent and because of that I've got a bit of a travel bug on - NM and I have booked a trip to Madrid that we promised each other at xmas for January aswell as a trip to visit my dad in spain in Sep and I have booked a trip to Poland with my daughter for November. I'm pretty close to booking a break to Rome for NM birthday in December too. To be fair they are all bargain price flights and I want to see the world a bit , my debts are slowly coming down and I have a nice set of savings now so its really about finding some balance but I do need to be aware and not over commit or spend more then I am happy too.

Have been in the gym but struggling to get up in the mornings , no matter what time I go to bed and I can only attribute that to the dreaded M word - hopefully it will pass. I'm giving myself a pat on the back for getting in there at all when I am feeling quite shattered. 

On the back of my tax rebate last week I appear to have solved some of my stomach problems , I have been looking at biomel for a while and decided to take the plunge. I am still getting some of the pains that I had previously but after just 7 days the reduction in the amount of gas I am producing is very noticeable. It's not cheap stuff £30 for a months worth of powder ( you mix with milk) however if it helps regain a certain quality of life , it will be worth it. it could be a fluke but I havent had to pop a single pain killer since I started.

We are away at the coast this weekend for a weekender that NM is working , I was in in two minds whether to go however realised I was cutting off my nose to spite my face so off I pop - the lure of good weather and beach bars is too much but obviously I need to budget for those too. I agreed originally as i thought it was a nice chance for some private time with NM however the man child isnt home as often as he was , he has a new female friend that seems to be keeping him out and occupied - she doesnt live close but already he is talking about relocating for her which seems quite swift !! I have said to NM that he needs to start having a plan in place as staying with us was meant to only be temporary , he basically needs to grow up and start to have some responsibility which despite being a father of two he doesn't seem to have done yet.

I will broach the subject again over the weekend as its not my place to push it with the man child. 

efes_shareholder

Just re read the last few posts and confirmed what I have already been feeling - I am getting more and more frustrated with the situation at home and it needs addressing 

Manchild is soon off to Ibiza with the new love interest , this isnt a cheap trip if you are going to party and he has spent a small fortune entertaining said lady of recent times but still no more indication of him getting his own space.

At the weekend , I saw this quite clearly , parcels have been falling through the door , most likely new clothes for the upcoming holiday and his room is bursting at the seems ......................like a teenager with his first few wage packets. He then took me by surprise by asking if it would be ok if he purchased a wardrobe for a space in the other spare room that he had identified as being suitable , this is not something I want in there as it already had ample fitted wardrobes for myself and NM so I said no , I don't want anything else in that room ( its like how it is , clean and stream lined as thats how I LIKE IT and beside he doesn't need to be going in and out of that room). He seemed a bit put out but it just confirms that he has no intention of finding space for himself any time soon and would much rather utilise mine in a way which is convenient to him.

I know there needs to be a conversation , however it is a conversation that I also need to deliver with kindness and I need to discuss with NM before we have the same chat with the man child. When I first said he could come here , I made it quite clear it was short term but we are now at 6 months and in my opinion that is now becoming long term. 
I am fully in the midst of menopause and I know that the situation is not helping with my "mood" swings and unfortunately NM seems to bear the brunt of those so I need to sit down with NM when I am feeling able to communicate effectively and not completely frustrated with the situation as I need to make sure my delivery comes across how it is intended

you know if you can afford to book unplanned holidays to the party capital and be staying in hotels with your new lady friend all weekend there is absolutely no reason to not get your finger out of your butt and give people their space and privacy back.

In other news , bank is looking healthy with 4 days until pay day and cupboards are well stocked so have pushed the weekly shop on a few days which is certainly welcome with the cost of groceries right now

dawnybabes

You’ve lasted longer than I would tbh ! 

efes_shareholder

dawnybabes said:

You’ve lasted longer than I would tbh ! 

it is a challenge , I have take responsibility of putting myself in this situation however I never expected the level of complacency. 

I do have to manage how much of my tolerance is being tested merely by menopause and not by his lack of drive to sort anything else ....................to be fair I think its mostly the lack of drive 

lucielle

I think I would be incredibly peed off that he’s going on holiday and not done anything to sort himself out!
L

efes_shareholder

lucielle said:

I think I would be incredibly peed off that he’s going on holiday and not done anything to sort himself out!
L

yes , since the declaration that he is going on holiday within a few weeks of meeting this lady I have been incredibly peeved and irritated ..................I'm not denying him a holiday but why Ibiza? my cousins have recently returned having spent about 3k in a week so i know its not the cheapest place to go - not sure why a week in greece or something more low key wouldn't have been sufficient. I think the request to erect the wardrobe tipped the scales for me

Just wish he would help himself rather then put me in the position of getting frustrated by the lack of him doing so

I'm obviously making life far too comfortable.

Newstartforme

ES , what an unfair situation , maybe during his holiday you and your partner can sort out how to approach the situation,  it has went on too long,  you'll be glad he is getting out but very annoying that he is not as keen to sort his voucher , the holiday cost would go a long way to secure a flat I am sure . Hope things sort themselves out xx