taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

I think nowadays some younger people expect to have much more disposable income which isn't always possible due to the cost of living , more so if income is not steady , you really would have to ensure that the good weeks were budgeted to take care of the lean weeks 

there appears to be a complete lack of budgeting 

efes_shareholder

frustrated today but trying to keep it together - i'm trying to be kind and not charge alot for keep in order for the man child to get back on his feet however it does feel like its overlooked and i'm at the back of the queue.

had a chat before i went away about paying his keep every monday and gave him a reprieve the period we were away as I knew he would spend far more keeping himself then he pays me and would hopefully realise hes very fortunate.
we came back on a sunday , the housekeep was presented to me in cash on the Thursday and nothing since - a payment was due last monday and again yesterday. I do need to bring it to his attention that he is now 2 weeks overdue and the money needs to go in every monday , its not a fortune , in fact its half of what I used to pay my own mum 4 years ago and just look at how grocery prices have escalated since - i have a fit every time I go in a supermarket.

I really feel akward mentioning it but since he doesn't I shall have too.

He has finally got the tax return going though - turns out he is actually 3 years overdue so I guess I am lucky to just be 8 days !!!!!!!!!!

I do need his money though to budget the groceries accordingly for 3 people so he needs to get in the habit of paying it on time !!!!!

Anyway , quite a nice weekend , we went for dinner friday night ( nm treat) although we took the man child ! I did say that it would be nice if we went just the two of us and I think NM felt the same when the manchild looked glum and stared out the window the whole time.

Saturday we did a small food shop as my daughter , S-i-Law and grandson were over for dinner on sunday - small shop was still £40 , was grateful for the half price beef joint I had in the freezer which fed us all.

saturday night was a friends birthday party 

Sunday the family came over and we had a nice roast , first time the baby has been for dinner and he ate very very well.

yesterday I spent £25 in the world food shop , i should stay away from there as i always end up spending but got a few pantry essentials like all purpose seasoning , lazy garlic and the best chicken seasoning for fried chicken but off course I now need to buy a new pan with frying basket as the chicken is best cooked this way.


Think it will end up being a spendy week so I am apphrensive about budget , I am at the Robbie concert on friday and will have dinner with my friend before hand however this is something we do rarely and is our annual girls day so its deserved ...................saturday I am having a overnighter with the baby so will need to think about food and sunday NM is having his daughters over for dinner , I have told him I am not due back until mid afternoon on the sunday and he has assurred me he can take care of everything so I am going to let him shop for it too!!!!

Today we have cod and chorizo stew ( paprika , tomatoes , butter beans , onion , courgette , cayenne pepper and garlic) with some green veggies and rice , picked up the additional cod on the co op yellow sticker , have done very well the last few weeks with that so need to try and get in there nightly.

efes_shareholder

stomach is on fire today and really playing up - im wfh and wanted to get some jobs done but i dont think that is going to be physically possible.

Enjoyed Robbie on Friday night , £27 on train fare , £15 lunch and £35 in drinks but well worth every penny. 

Saturday was childcare for my GS , had a take out with my daughter as she assisted and also a bottle of red ( only had one glass , far too tired) so about £25 spend.

yesterday we had a lovely afternoon with NM daughters and eldest GS - off course I ended up doing most of the cooking but it was ok. Wasn't ok that his son removed himself a lot from the day and didnt join in with games and chats - he sat in front room scrolling through his phone and then took himself upstairs to his room. I am pretty sure he is risk of becoming depressed , I lived through it with my mum enough to know the early signs. NM was upset with him for his conduct , to be fair it did come across rude and was slightly embarrassing for the others. We did not see him again until today , he has said there is no work today but I think he has called himself off , he shared with me this morning that although the family is around he feels very lonely. I said I didnt think he was himself and that maybe he should spend the day trying to do some positive things and that spending time with the family may have given him a distraction as its very important what he feeds his mind. His dad needs to chat with him but he seems to find it easier to converse with me.
He did pay me the 3 weeks housekeep he owes this morning without prompting however went back upstairs at 9am and despite saying he had paperwork to do and was going to the gym he is yet to re appear. We have done his washing this week ( to be fair i was going to leave it but NM put it in with his own stuff) but as an example he stripped his bed on Thursday and yesterday when i passed the room the bed was still bare and he has been sleeping like that for the past 3 nights despite the freshly laundered bedding and a spare set being in the room for him 
not sure which way is the best with this , its both concerning and frustrating but i know from experience you can't tell someone struggling with mental health to just "snap out of it" 

FInances are looking better now he has paid me and aside from around £40 in DD everything has been paid. 

Seasidegal58

He does sound like he's depressed. But it is a difficult one for you as he's living at your home and you're having to pick up after him in more ways than one - plus you don't want him to get to the stage where he stops wanting to work. Perhaps he needs some antidepressants?

efes_shareholder

Seasidegal58 said:

He does sound like he's depressed. But it is a difficult one for you as he's living at your home and you're having to pick up after him in more ways than one - plus you don't want him to get to the stage where he stops wanting to work. Perhaps he needs some antidepressants?

Sadly he does , he didnt appear until about 7pm on monday and told his dad he had been deleting stuff of his phone. 
he had his dinner and went back to the room 

He did make it work yesterday , he came in and when retreated but after dinner did sit and chat with us and watched TV so there was a bit of normality 

I did have a chat with his dad , expressed that I felt he was bordering it and if he wasnt going to see a doc ( neither seem to like to medicate) then he was going to have to dig deep and drag himself out of it - its the only way. Do feel like yesterday was a better day for him.

efes_shareholder

Had a bit of a houskeeping chat with both the current men in my life  - they need to sort the kitchen out after dinner between them , have said I dont care if they rota it or crash through it together but i do not expect to do it when I am cooking for the 3 of us each night. Was well recieved and has been happening so so far so good.

Grass needs cutting , we are at a wedding reception tomorrow evening so I will ask the man child to cut the back lawn since its supposed to be nice weather.

just me and NM for dinner tonight , am trying to use the veg up from fridge so will do chicken and mushroom with spinach and parmesan and cream that needs to be used up - we may have a plate full of veg to keep the carbs low or roasted new potatoes with it.

Stomach is still raging , haven't managed to make the gym this week but I will !!!!

Money not too terrible , £35 delivery from savers as a cleaning product and toiletry top up , £10 for a sunbed top up today as back away in a few weeks and need to keep  the tan topped up.

efes_shareholder

wow its been a while since I last updated.

We still have the man child and nothing much has changed - he appears to do the bare minimum and has really not progressed with advancing himself.

not helped that the ex has now stopped contact with the boys , there really is no grounds for it other then being akward so mediation it is.

have suggested he goes for 50/50 custody as it would potentially erase his CSM obligation and the kids would be way better off with him , its a long process so hoped he would see it as a kick to get himself moving along but dont think he has. He doesnt contribute to the upkeep of the house ( and he is asked bare min ). its his birthday today and considering the ex's latest tactic I'll put up for now but after coming back from holiday to a house where he had done nothing and accumulated 10 days washing in our absence ( told me he had done 2 loads but the online smart meter tells me different) my patience is starting to wear thin. Feel like I am constantly bringing things to NM's attention as he is his child not mine and do not want to get to the stage where it puts a strain on us.

back from another week away , great week full of friends and fun but seems just a distant memory now.

was told by my boss yesterday that I will be getting a 3% rise this year , can't really complain in current climate as many I know are facing redundacies , it works out about £80 a month i think - I am tempted to just increase my mortgage overpayment by £50 

Newstartforme

Hi ES , so glad you had a nice holiday but true what you say , few days back and it's all a different memory.  You have the patience of a saint regarding house guest , it's difficult when you are not the parent , if it was your own child you could be more straightforward as opposed to going through your partner.  Hope things improve soon xx

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

I think nowadays some younger people expect to have much more disposable income which isn't always possible due to the cost of living , more so if income is not steady , you really would have to ensure that the good weeks were budgeted to take care of the lean weeks 

thank you - Trust me , the man child is challenging my last bit of patience but if i explode then it won't be good so just having the odd word with myself.

10 days of washing are currently behind his bedroom door again !!!! I WILL NOT BE DOING IT - I have made it quite clear that if it comes down daily it can be included in the household wash but if he is too lazy to bring it down and is going to store it up , its on him

He has been out the past few weekends since the contact with the kids became a problem , good because it stops him getting depressed over the situation but not so good as still nothing progresses on an individual level. 

efes_shareholder

Managed to get up and get in the gym this morning - I have felt so tired lately , not sure if its down to that lovely time of life but its becoming very frustrating

NM worked on saturday night so i attended the event , I wasn't going too as I am not a fan of the promotor but there were potential triggers for me by not going so I sucked it up so to speak. As I threw caution to the wind I bought TWO expensive bottles of wine across the counter which I never do , will not do this again as I realised I can put my own stock under the security desk and just pour from there !!!!!! ( dont tell the other guests though)

It wasn't great as the "trigger" was in attendance and without going in to detail approached me to talk about a historic situation ( drama!!) and then proceeded to tell me the most ridiculous lies to make themselves look unaccountable , it has helped me with the situation though so thats a good thing.

Running the freezer down if possible this week as we have some electrical work happening at the weekend and the freezer does need defrosting so seems a good time to start whilst the power is off. , trying to make dinners that aren't too "out there" , not sure if im gonna be able to utilise everything though so will possibly be batch cooking and popping in fridge.

shopping was still £70 odd and was mainly fruit and veg , the prices are bordering ridiculous , maybe that pay rise wont be going toward the mortgage overpayment for a while.

have just fixed the energy prices for a further year with octopus , not sure if thats the right thing to do but we are a relatively low use household and its cancel anytime so may aswell do so.

Have also booked some flights for September to see my dad , just a few days but Ryanair were offering a great deal , we got seats with extra legroom ( NM is 6ft 2 and twice as wide) for £100 each return - just 4 nights but as its non touristy spain and its staying with family it wont cost us much more then the other then the bus fare to the airport and maybe a meal to say thanks to my dad for their hospitality and save my step mum cooking