taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

ok , feeling slightly better about things today 

NM son came in and handed me some money so I took the oppurtunity to ask him "what is the arrangement here" - he smiled , laughed and said " I dont really know - I'll just give you money when I have it" - to be fair what he gave me will put him back in the black and cover what he cost for a while and I want to help him within reason !!!!!!

NM then mentioned that the unannounced kids at the weekend could not happen again , I did see this as the moment to tell him how I felt about it. I told him that he had really upset me as he had just assumed and it felt like my good nature was being taken advantage off. I told him we are on his side and will help him all that we can however the consideration that is being shown to him has to be returned. He did take it on board and apologised again. I don't want to go too heavy on him as he is in a really bad way but I did need to get it off my chest to be able to move on from it. He is generally a very respectful young man but he is certainly now clear of the expectations of him.

I did have quite an open chat with him last night and told him that because of the situation he has been in he has become very used to having ALOT of disposable income which has been wasted by both he and his ex partner. There is nothing to show for the last however many years and he now needs to grow up and face the financial responsibilities that the majority of the tax paying working community have too - his disposable income after he has paid his obligations including his CMS is still MORE then I take a home month before any of my outgoings have been accounted for - he really is very niave about life and was horrified that the government tax your savings once you have accumulated a certain amount of interest !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway we move on and we see how this pans out.

Today I am WFH and after doing a test run on my non machine wash DFS sofa cushions I am taking the oppurtunity to get them all fresh and washed and on the line. The weather is lovely so now really is the time to get it done - looks unlikely I will manage a full set as the blasted zips wont shift on two of them. My front room is now full of feathers so I will have to sort that out today 

Am pretty sure all of the outgoing have been completed this month , I have NM son cash in my purse which will save me dipping in to my account for my hair colour on saturday which is in drastic need of doing. 

Nails were done on Sunday , they hadnt been touched for 10 weeks and really were in a sorry state

Humdinger1

Well done @efes_shareholder, sounds like you've really cleared the air.  Stepson needs a reality check and he's lucky to have you both.  Love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

Well done @efes_shareholder, sounds like you've really cleared the air.  Stepson needs a reality check and he's lucky to have you both.  Love Humdinger xx 

He needs a massive reality slap - the amount of money that has been wasted in that relationship is criminal in more ways then one.

I'm happy that I was both kind and assertive !! 

efes_shareholder

on reflection I feel a bit bad

He is going through a lot and the elder boy told him he wanted to stay when he arrived to pick him up and he didnt want to upset him and say no ....................I do get the position and how he must be feeling but it could have caused problems if we had our plans so he does need to know my expectations of him with these situations.

I seem to get angry or upset about things these days and hold on to it for far too long - I just dont seem to be able to shift the upset feeling no matter how much I want too - I am blaming menopause

In other news a %50 handshake from nationwide and a £250 PB win have taken the pressure off of the tight month 

efes_shareholder

£5 spent today so far on 2 lucky dip EM tickets - I keep getting an itchy palm and seeing 2 magpies so surely that means something !!!!

quite an expensive food shop this week but I guess thats 3 adults rather then 2 - the adopted child doesnt usually eat with us on a thursday however he came home last night early as the usual dinner date didnt happen as he had turned up to pick the kids up only for them not to be there !! the Ex had decided not to let him know so a waste of finishing work early and fuel to collect them. Luckily I had made enough dinner and was able to spread it between the 3 of us. 
Salmon and Leek with Orzo tonight , one of my favourites so looking forward to that. 

Loving this weather , have an empty washing basket before the weekend - RESULT. I know it wont stay that way but everyones clothes , bedding and towels are done so all good. 

I'm on holiday in a few weeks time so have a sunbed this afternoon to climatise my skin so I hopefully won't burn.

NM has taken pity on my current tax man situation and offered to pay the car insurance - it is his car but its there for whenever I want to use it and in my name. he has also paid the MOT and tax this year so although I feel a bit guilty I think I have to accept peoples generosity when offered and not feel guilty about it.

efes_shareholder

Looking forward to a long weekend - feel like I really need it. Work has been quiet which helps me keep on top of the house and washing when WFH  but sadly it needs doing again all too soon.

Expensive on the groceries the last few days , mainly because of the tesco meat offers @ easter , NM son gave me his bank card to get some and i got some Gammon , Pork and Beef and then I managed to get in early yesterday before the lamb and side of salmon vanished. Too be fair I do have two men in the house so it will be got through!!!

Finances have been ok , I cashed in a £21 quidco payment this morning but aside from shopping and sunbeds I havent spent much - the sunbeds are basically to prep my skin for our holiday in a few weeks and I wont continue them past our holidays ( next one in JUly)

Have been good with the gym , need to be as the holiday is fast approaching. I do however appeared to have developed a pain in my lower leg between my knee and shin. It came on yesterday when I walked to tesco and can only be described as feeling like the bone was on fire - very weird , it led to me falling asleep last night really early and staying there until about 6.30 this morning ( almost 12 hours solid sleep)
I thought it had gone but after walking to the sunbed shop it has returned - REALLY frustrating as I need to move to get a calorie burn.

My mood has been down lately , I just don't feel enough , I don't know why I am just really low on self esteem - I was at a event last week and lots of people said some really kind things to me but they didnt resonate. I wish I could percieve myself how others do but instead I am down and toxic to myself. I'm too fat , I get upset over silly things , I keep hold of the hump and make myself miserable , I am demanding !!!!!! I guess deep down I know thats not really true but I also feel that by speaking out sometimes we become the problem.

I have booked a spiritiual reading for Tuesday evening , I just feel like I need some guidance and clarity - it isn't really very MSE but I'll put it down as self care and since the Nationwide gave me a little £50 handshake I should spend that on myself , its only fair. 

Not many plans over the weekend other then to sort out clothes for the upcoming holiday and see if anything is needed. It shouldn't be other then suncream

Have a good break everyone

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder sending hugs.  I'm no doctor  but could it be worth you seeing one? You might be depressed (I don't want to go in for armchair diagnosis).  Do you think you've processed all the things that you've been through these last few years? Love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

@efes_shareholder sending hugs.  I'm no doctor  but could it be worth you seeing one? You might be depressed (I don't want to go in for armchair diagnosis).  Do you think you've processed all the things that you've been through these last few years? Love Humdinger xx 

Potentially I think there could be some depression - my mum suffered for years so I am very mindful of the signs of the "black dog" 

efes_shareholder

Yesterday turned out to be a terrible day - I smashed the screen on my work laptop by not paying attention when I put it down , suffice to say it fell from height and smashed on the treadmill !!

I am now back in the office until a replacement can be sorted which is potentially next week - I hate being in the office so this is not good news and particularly did not want to be in here today as it is my mums birthday and a day I struggle with.

My boss is getting a new laptop so the plan is I have his old one which will potentially mean I don't have to pay to replace it. I am not sure what the agreement is on accidental damage to works equipment however unintentional it was it was still very much my fault 

Lesson learnt I won't do that again !! I am covering my supervisor so have a bigger work load and I made the mistake of trying to juggle my own work , her work and also the "housework" which I probably should just have ignored since everybody else in the house does !!!!!

I've got myself really upset over it , I know its only an item and its only money but I've really annoyed myself. 

I then became more annoyed as if the two adults living in my house actually helped without having to be asked I would not still have washing up to do from the dinners they have eaten without so much of a thank you !! I am not one to ask but its really starting to grate me , my expectation is that I recognise I am home the most and can do bits and peices during the day HOWEVER it is  not ok to leave stuff you can see needs doing as you know I will do it. In fact its just plain blooming lazy !!!!! I cooked pulled pork , roast lamb and beef and red pepper stew over the weekend , they were well fed and not so much as a thank you , Am I being unreasonable ?  Yesterday we had jamacian chicken curry , again not so much as a thank you and the pot that it bubbled away in all afternoon is still on the chicken side waiting to be washed up

I am on strike - I am not cooking , putting a thing in the dishwasher , putting a single item in the washing machine , wiping a side , restocking the fridge , boiling a kettle , cleaning a toilet , emptying a bin etc etc until further notice 

If they want a chef , cleaner , laundrette etc - hire one as i am not everyones skivvy

RANT OVER 

lucielle

Good for you and stick to your guns!
L