taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

lucielle said:

Good for you and stick to your guns!
L

Part of me thinks I am being partly unreasonable BUT we all had a 4 day weekend , only selected ones of us got to spend it horizontal on the sofa scrolling through our phones 

I am on holiday soon , I need it 

Menopausal me is not nice !!!!!

efes_shareholder

so a nice little £93 confirme pot in Quidco - have cashed out as wages have been down and it could really be helpful.

As a result on broken laptop I am in the office until at least monday - my own fault. This does mean I am not available at home and the things that have become routine for me to do won't be done. 

I stuck to my guns last night , I went out to deliver my neices birthday card and suggested things in the freezer that could be cooked.

I came home and NM had decided he wasn't hungry and NM son had been and got a kebab !!!!!!!! Just confirms everything I suspected. I am expected to feed them !!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they are too lazy to do it themselves !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The atmosphere at home is not nice , NM would usually pick me up from work on his way home when I am in the office however he didnt last night, He instead parked up at home for nearly 2 hours before he came in the house and tried to tell me he left work late when I had infact walked past the car on my way home hidden out of sight. 
I used to do the same many years ago in a previous relationship when I didn't want to go home.

NM son got home first and did infact wash up the pot from the previous days dinner and ask if I needed anything doing when I came home - I know this is because his dad has called him and told him to do so. 

Shame his dad couldnt call me to say he wouldnt be picking me up from work or enquire on my well being on what was a very difficult day for me. 

We barely exchanged any words last night.

it certainly seems like "conditional" communication and wall of stone is erected should I voice any discontent. This does not work for me and has left me evaluating our relationship

fantasyvsreality

I would be just as annoyed about the washing up. It's not being unreasonable, it's rude that they don't acknowledge the cooking etc. This is why I now live alone LOL. I am always grateful to myself for everything I do for me  

dawnybabes

I’d be packing their bags tbh, you dint need this level of crap ! 

Newstartforme

Not nice to experience that on a day that's already tough for you , I remember reading your diary when your mum was sick , you really looked after her right to the end . You deserve better 

efes_shareholder

my bad mood finally started to subside on friday - the problem is I don't feel I should have to ask etc for assistance however if I don't then particulary NM son doesnt offer , I then become passive agressive over the stuff that I havent created but have been left to sort out. 

We will be having a housekeeping meeting - I worked out how much son has contributed since he arrived and averaged over the weeks he has been with us  , its not enough. He needs to pay a regular amount rather then as and when he chooses. That said we are away for a long weekend this weekend and then on holiday for 10 days and I don't intend to stock the cupboards or fridge for him so he will be very much responsible for himself when we are away. Part of me thinks maybe I should wait until we return as he will have had a real eye opener on how much its costing to feed himself particulary as he is most likely to rely on take outs. Not sure whether its fair to charge when we are away however he still has a roof over his head , washing facilities etc and will still add to bills so maybe I go along the lines of some weeks he will cost more then others and it all evens itself out.

not sure on that one.

NM wants the 3 of us to have a chat - I am quite nervous about it to be honest. I want him back on his feet and able to leave as soon as possible and don't want to put him under any financial pressure but also I won't subsadise a financially irresponsible man child.

I've become so much more aware of all the rising costs recently , probably because I am having to do more top up shops etc 

Payday in 2 days , I know the tax man is still going to take extra from me but hopefully it wont be anywhere near the volumne that it has been , its also bonus month so hopefully I'll get to see some of that too

Once I get back from my holiday I will also repay what the tax has cost me  and get all of my sisters remaining inheritance over to her and then hopefully going forward we wont have this scenerio.

right now , I just feel like I really need the holiday and I feel like I need some quality time with NM to re group and enjoy time without the pressures of life. 

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder I hope I'm wrong,  but is NM ganging up with his son and enabling teenage behaviour into the bargain? I think you're right to evaluate the relationship.   You count in all this...love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

@efes_shareholder I hope I'm wrong,  but is NM ganging up with his son and enabling teenage behaviour into the bargain? I think you're right to evaluate the relationship.   You count in all this...love Humdinger xx 

No I don't think thats the case - I think he feels I should place expectations on the son rather then let him live the life of riley and get frustrated by his procastinating. He does get the boy doing things and brings to his attention things he needs to pick up after himself but he will only do so much as his eyes "its my house". Where as I view it that he is "his child"

things have improved since last week , and I have had an apology from NM and we have had a chat about things. I also broached the subject of housekeep with the son last night whilst his dad was out visiting his daughter. He now has my bank details and will pay weekly in to my account rather then drip feeding cash as and when. Should be more straight forward. I did tell him not to worry the week we are away as I wont be restocking fridge etc and I am sure his outlay will be more then he needs to give me as he will need to cater for himself. 

he was absolutely fine with it so i think I need to communicate without hesitation rather then stewing on things ,and becomng passive aggressive when neither of them can read my mind.

That said , there were parts of events last week which were not acceptable from NM 

efes_shareholder

so today is payday and bonus month

Only saw a third of the bonus thanks to the over zealous tax man but such is life.

Had a big credit card bill to pay as i had to rebook some flights that were cancelled however everyones refunds are in my bank savings and I'm kind of viewing them as "mine" - I'm also away for 10 days from next thursday and will take holiday spends from the pot so the plan is to use the salary for flights at the moment and hopefully not deplete the savings as i havent really been able to add to them since the tax repayment which i absolutely need to address when I get back.

NM son paid 2 weeks housekeep in to my account last night , told him not to worry now until we are back from holiday as i am sure he will have a reality check whilst we are away. I've got a wall mounted toilet in my bathroom and its fully tiled - NM son has said he will get his friend over to take a look at it which would be great , its only a very slow leek but it annoys me so hopefully that will be fixed whilst we are away.

I am back at home now with a new laptop , i wont be resting it anywhere i shouldn't for the foreseeable - work has slowed down which also means I've been able to start organising for our weekend away.

I don't know why I agree to so much in such a short space of time - it always makes me feel overwhelmed. 


Although I'll need holiday spends for 10 days whilst I am away , I am hoping it provides a more fruitful may as I wont be at home spending !!!!

efes_shareholder

so I'm back to feeling absolutely shattered - could sleep for england 

stomach playing up but house back how I like it , Brown stew chicken cooked for tonight and my bag for the weekend 95% packed.......................oh and 2 lots of washing done.

Have checked the alcohol stores at home to take with us and shouldnt need to buy much which is a plus 

NM paid the car insurance to me yesterday , hate accepting since its his car and I merely drive it but he offered and I think I need to accept the offers when they come as ultimately my bank now looks much better then it has in previous months