taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Well the house wasnt great until Saturday morning and I buckled and confronted the issue.

He says he went quiet as he sensed I had the hump with him  - long story short its all out there and everything is great including communication probably until the next time. I am sure menopause is playing a part and I am snappier than what maybe I percieve so i can work on that , and he can work on making sure I feel "important" and not taken for granted. It was mentioned that maybe he has got a bit blaise as I am super good at organising everything. 

Anyway after an energy draining few days we are back on track.

We had a quiet day saturday and didnt do very much until the evening when we attended his friends birthday party and then Sunday we got going on giving the spare room a lick of paint. Ive made a mistake just going for brilliant white , Its a small room but I thought I'd save time on cutting in - I guess I have but to the naked eye it looks a bit patchy. We are hoping a few more hours this evening should have it all done.

I did spend a bit on paint and materials but thought it only right since he has bought a new bed and wardrobe  ( albeit for this massive clothing collection) to make the little room look like a bedroom rather then just a dumping ground but other then that the weekends been fairly "cheap"

I need to reign in a bit as my pay at the end of the month credit card bill is just growing - I always clear it but I really really need to just pay as I go and stop using the damm thing unless its for flights etc.

Still on a low as possible carb menu plan , we had carribean beef stew yesterday with brocolli and cauliflower and today we have Chicken , peanut and sweet potato curry again with some healthy greens  ( may also have cauliflower rice) 

Havent been in the gym for a week mainly due to birthday celebrations , stomach pain and domestic unbliss so as the bedroom needs finishing this evening we are planning a double session. Although I still have a pot belly I am noticing my "love handles" or muffin top shrinking so hopefully I am starting to win the war

BadBookkeeper

Hi there,  delurking to ask have you read up on a low fod map diet?  it’s supposed to help with ibs & identify foods that may trigger.  It’s quite interesting but needs commitment.  Which I haven’t got!!  I have the app from the Monash university who are the researchers, some foods should be avoided and others reduced.  Your meals sound amazing but a lot of the veggies may be causing or contributing to the ibs issues.  

Sorry if you already know all that but thought I’d share the info, hope that’s ok.  

efes_shareholder

BadBookkeeper said:

Hi there,  delurking to ask have you read up on a low fod map diet?  it’s supposed to help with ibs & identify foods that may trigger.  It’s quite interesting but needs commitment.  Which I haven’t got!!  I have the app from the Monash university who are the researchers, some foods should be avoided and others reduced.  Your meals sound amazing but a lot of the veggies may be causing or contributing to the ibs issues.  

Sorry if you already know all that but thought I’d share the info, hope that’s ok.  

thank you for taking the time to reply , I have been on the low fod map in the past for 6 months when i was under a dietician , as you say it requires commitment. I did try and stick to it but found it made very little difference. 

Its been said before that maybe my diet is too fibre rich but I dont get typical ibs symptons of dashing to the toilet or stomach cramps - just constant pain when it starts , I think I am puzzling the medics as much as myself.

I have an ultrasound in 2 weeks , about the 5th one which hopefully may get an answer but hasnt yet

your post has reminded me though that I have a food intolerance kit to send off so need to put that on my to do list

efes_shareholder

not much to report other then everything that needs paying is paid for now , and i can now see the landscape for the rest of the month.
once I have paid my outstanding insurance direct debits , haircuts and birthdays I am left with approx £320 for the rest of the month , its a fairly short month so that is good.

Last council tax bill of the year paid - so two months without that payment going out.

I am sure I could do better with my budgeting so that is something I need to sit down and look at.

Have a Morri's shop coming tomorrow - utilised another £16 off first shop voucher , technically its fraud but there is a loophole to be exploited so I will carry on until they close it - looks like I am banned from Sainsburys , took a while but you know !!!

£225 return on the PB this month - Ordinarily I would put this in to Savings but my c.card is high for this month as I have bed purchase on there and as the taxman likes me alot until April I am tempted to use this against the bill. I can shift some savings from another pot in to my monthly saver with my virgin money account so that I dont lose out.

Last nights dinner was a real fridge emptier and very low in carbs - diced cauli and brocolli , mushrooms and leeks mixed with sausages and an egg and cheese mix and then topped with cheese , was a bit worried it would be tasteless so stuck some dijon mustard in - it didnt look very appealing bubbling away in the slow cooker but actually tasted ok 

Am finding I am less hungry since I have made a real effort to avoid carbs , am also feeling trimmer.
NM devised a all over body resistance workout for us so we have some direction and we made our first visit last night,
Did plan to continue this morning but I slept terribly on monday night and caught up with it last night and just couldnt get out of bed at 5,20 this morning , Have my haircut this evening so will try again tomorrow morning 

efes_shareholder

so weekend was pretty easy on the pocket , NM was doing door work on saturday night and I could have gone but didnt really fancy getting ready and having to be there for 8 hours so instead I did myself a nice sweet and sour prawn stir fry and settled down with a bottle of red - figured "my treat" evening cost less then what I would pay across the bar anyway and I think I needed a wellness reset.

Sunday we had a lovely lunch at Miller and Carter , used  GC my Sister gave for my birthday and NM picked up the rest , we also got the wardrobe assembled which I am so glad we did as there were screws missing and we needed the box room empty to be able to do it.

Bed was supposed to be delivered yesterday however i had a call to say it was damaged in transit - this was at 11.02 when the slot I was given was 6am- 11am , having worked in logistics its the oldest excuse in the book. I was WFH but they didn't know that so I became a bit of a karen over it and now they are giving us a 10% refund.
its a small win for NM as he is paying for it!! 

Just need to choose some new bedding and pictures for the wall and the room should resemble a bedroom which it didn't before !!

This weekend we have football and I would like to visit my grandson on Sunday so thats pretty much the weekend all out - we have done so much at home over the last few weeks though that maybe we deserve a weekend off.

Money is ok - on track as such , I have another quidco payment of £20 ish due to hit so I am going to chuck that in to overpaying the mortgage as every little helps

Have stopped my stomach painkillers as I am sure the meds were making me extra sleepy , although i have had more pain I am not so sleepy and have been able to get in the gym etc. i have an ultrasound on monday so will wait until the results are back until I discuss alternatives with my GP

Still on track with the low carb , we are pretty much having green veg in place of pasta , rice or potatoes with the exception of a salmon and leek risotto this week 

Last night was cod and chorizo stew , Tonight is Curry Chicken , Jamacian style. Will have Cauliflower rice with that 

efes_shareholder

so the box room is now complete and its taking a while to find a functioning bedroom in there where before it was just clothes rails of NM clothes. Purchased a picture from the range and a clock from amazon and then found a diffuser which ties in nicely for £2 in Morrisons sale yesterday. 

Valentines day was lovely - my recent outbursts about always having to organise everything and expectation levels seem to have hit home as when I got up on friday morning I had a lovely card , wine , chocolates and 50 red roses - its lovely to be spoilt but the wine and chocs would have been enough !! We then went out for an indian at my favourite place which he had booked a table at so all in all a lovely day.

Football on saturday and rather then rush as we usually do we set off early so we could have something to eat and drink before the game and just enjoy match day a bit more - when we got home I was looking forward to a nice relaxing evening in front of the TV but NM son called and came over with his boys. Ironic really as I had been saying we hadnt seen the kids for a while and maybe we should have them over for dinner. Its a sorry situation as his relationship is quite obviously toxic and there has been lots of back and forth over the last year. We thought the last split was final but it seems he has been lured back again , given alot to try and keep the mrs happy ( believe me I dont think anything will keep her happy) only to experience yet another manic scenerio where she accuses him of sleeping with her friends etc , he keeps going back for his sons but its not acheiving anything so he needed a bit of a chat saturday night and then ended up staying here until far too late sunday evening as the ex gf had the police calling because of some fall out on social media ...................honestly you couldnt make it up and he would be far better just staying away so hopefully he will find the strength too.

Cooked everyone roast chicken for dinner and popped out to see my baby grandson - was glad of the escape as NM 2 grandsons are 8 and 4 with bags of energy and it can be ALOT , I needed the peace.

Today I have yet another ultrasound on my troublesome abdomen - Its about the 7th one so it really seems pointless but I seem to have to go through the same scenerio every time I go back to the DR's - I'd rather not go as its at a hospital miles away and I will lose my prime parking space but I am working from home this week so I should get it back quite easily as long as I'm vigilant ( I cant believe I wrote that and confessed how sad I am over parking !!!)

I put £30 fuel in the car yesterday to cover the GS visit and the hospital - I really dont drive very often at all or move the car so I can't really complain about that !! the house insurance prem has left my account so no more DD to leave this month so now the countdown of how much money I don't spend before payday as I have a big pay at the end of the month card balance and want to cover as much as I can without tapping in to savings.

efes_shareholder

house insurance renewal has hit and its actually cheaper then last year - makes me ponder whether its worth all the faff changing it over for the very little savings I have found.

Actually made the gym today , in there at 6am and back on the programme NM has devised. I have weirdly though had a shooting pain on my right leg since last nice , its a bone sensation rather then muscle and is particularly uncomfortable when I put any pressure on it as its centred mainly on the ankle , would be on my standing leg though !!

WFH this week but the house seems to be a hive of activity , Sister popped in yesterday for a couple of hours , a friend is popping over with a belated birthday lunch today and my cousin tomorrow - Work has been pretty quiet so this doesn't make me feel overwhelmed. As its quiet I'm managing to keep on top of the house work , all the sofa throws were washed yesterday and have been put back on the sofa today and the floors hoovered , mopped and skirting boards clean - I guess getting up early for the gym has other benefits and gets me productive quicker.
Also got "MY" parking space back but sitting in wait for the occupier to go to work ( she leaves same time as NM) - God I can't believe how incredibly petty that is of me !!!!!!!!!

Morrisons shopping coming tomorrow , another £15 off voucher used but this time they sent it me voluntarily rather then me fiddling their systems - I am struggling to keep our food shop at a cost I would like , for one fresh veg seems to cost more then carbs and offers and reductions are becoming less scarce and less generous. I try and keep under the £60 for the weekly delivery but must do another £15 in top ups , its only the two of us so seems ludicrous but we do have home prepped proper cooked dinners and eat relatively well so guess when i speak to others its not too terrible. We have a Salmon tray back this evening with tomatoes and New potatoes ( these arent too bad a carb) Brocolli and Asparagus , tomorrow Chicken Tikka and Fri shepherds pie but with cauliflower mash rather then spuds 

efes_shareholder

So I still have this pain , shooting pains , dead leg feeling - very peculiar goings on with my right leg so am smothering tiger balm and popping painkillers every 4 hours
Dont understand what has caused it , I havent gone down on it funny , slept akward , jarred it or done anything with it in the gym - have ordered some arnica bath soak so I hope that helps out.

the pain in my leg has meant I have postponed a dinner date with a friend this evening , she doesnt mind and is unreliable with plans herself , prob just as well as its been quite a "social" working from home week and tonights dinner was cooked yesterday so I really dont need to eat out.

Friend came for lunch , she is the kindest soul and came laden with goodies and gifts , she has been with a friend of NM and I's for a few years and has recently started sharing some of the things happening in the relationship..............its quite concerning as what she describes can only be labelled as abuse , I have tried to tell her this but I get the standard " but I love him" reply - I've told her that she deserves much more and that Love should bring positivity and nice feelings to your life but sometimes you must allow people to follow the path they want too until they are ready to acknowledge that this isnt acceptable

My cousin then visited yesterday with her daughter , nice to see her but could do without all the visits when I am working !!!!! I am sure people think we all netflix and chill , fortunately work has been quiet this month so it didnt cause too much disruption 

We have been forewarned to expect NM son and Grandsons again on saturday night , he doesn't have anywhere suitable himself to take them and it feels like we should offer him a bit of extra support as he navigates staying away from the toxic ex and ensure he gets to spend quality time with his boys - I am really hopeful he takes them off to their sports class on the sunday though as the leaving so late on a sunday night doesn't work for me and the boys should be at home in bed on a school night !!!!!!

not much to report moneywise ( just like to brain drop my life here) the arnica bath soak was £12 and i am due out on Saturday night , one week until payday and I will end the month in credit which is just aswell as I have a large c/c bill that has to be cleared in full 

efes_shareholder

pain in my leg finally vanished as quickly as it arrived on Friday - glad to see if go , will get back in the gym today although we did go friday evening and take part in some upper body excerises.

Spendier weekend then what I anticipated , mostly my own fault. NM was working the door saturday night and had an early start so I treat us to the 3 course lunch special a M&C for £19.95 , mainly because I like it in there and that he needed to eat well for the 8 hour shift he had. NM did insist he covered the wine for dinner though 

I went with him for the event , this is where I went off budget as they had a pop up bar so I kept making my way over !! £40 spend through the evening , it could have much worse as I switched to lager as a G&T was £8.00 !!
We beat the urge to get take away on the way home and instead came home and had eggs on toast - its all part of operation "beach" body

Yesterday I went through my wardrobe , I have to allocate the rejects to either my daughter to sell on vinted , the charity shop and the clothes bank - I was quite ruthless and realised how many things I have bought over the years that I havent worn. 
There is also alot that I would like to wear but I need to shift a few pounds to do so.

On that subject I am starting to feel a change in shape , I am being very aware on what we are having , tonight we have shepherds pie but instead of mashed spuds we are having cauliflower. Yesterday we had meatballs in a home made tomato base sauce of tomatoes , red onion , pepper and basil with a huge plate of salad where we would usually have pasta 

payday on Friday and I will have an excess , just not as much as I had targeted - have my nephews birthday to cover and we are off to Football thursday night so need to cover that too 

efes_shareholder

hobbling on to payday 

covered my nephews birthday which was a £30 spend

Will utilise another morrisons voucher for this weeks shop.

NM son turned up here in pieces on monday , he is going through a break up ( its happened several times before and he has always gone back but this time looks to be final) 
He has two children with one of the most narcissistic self obsessed women I know and it looks like he has finally come to the realisation that he can never progress with her. Financially and emotionally he is pretty broken and not in a good place mentally.
He has been staying with his best friend who it now transpires has substance and alcohol problems

This morning he has phoned me so upset , getting alot of stuff of his chest and admitting that mentally he is worried about himself - Not sure if I will begin to regret it at some point but I have told him that for the short term he can come and stay with us until he is back on his feet and feeling stronger. I just feel he needs to be around family and in particularly his dad. He can't go to his mums as she has recently taken NM daughter and her husband back in to their house as they are saving for a house.

We will have to iron out some details , at the moment the ex will not let him have the kids overnight as she is trying to retain some control and hurt over him but as she is out every saturday night until 6am that will change. I can't have the kids here every weekend for my own sanity but we can iron that out as and when that changes.

I called NM after I got off the phone to his son and he was a bit flat over it so not sure I have done the right thing but I just feel he needs to be around people and not be alone in his own head at the moment , I am sure NM does agree but he does find it difficult to listen to his son sharing some of what has been going on , I am sure I would be equally angry/distressed about it if it was my child that had been treat so appallingly 

Anyway , our empty nest is not empty for the moment , Ive told NMS that its short term so will just have to see how it plays out.