taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

misslolu said:

Sorry to hear you're not feeling good mentally, have you considered speaking to a counsellor or your GP?

Also I can commiserate on the food issue. I cook most of our meals so OH and I end up eating mojority the same things, yet he hardly ever puts on anything while i'm steadily gaining weight. I've tried to reduce my portions and increase water/herbal teas and that's starting to work for me.

Thanks , I'm pretty sure its menopause mid life crisis stuff - I wouldn't know how to access counselling and hear of long waiting lists but I guess it wouldnt do any harm to look in to it. My partner and I went through a really difficult time last year and are still trying to come out the other side , when his effort dwains I likened it to a swinging pendulum and if I feel taken for granted it swings back to all the negative side and its really hard to get it to re balance. 

as for the food , its all down to me - he doesn't really cook , he cant really cook much other then basics. I dont mind doing it as I enjoy it. I don't feel food is the issue with my weight , its the bottled nice stuff and the menopause I think but its getting quite depressing. I walked so much last week and did the gym visits and really expected to see at least a small loss - certainly not a gain 

I guess the way my body processes calories is changing , im a bit miffed to be honest but I am trying to increase my water intake and i have been ditching the milk in coffee , guess all i can do is see what the scales say in another week or two

efes_shareholder

so 6 days until payday 

account relatively healthy however looks like I need to buy a new shower head - the heads seems clogged and were only coming out of a few outlets , I've soaked it in white vineger and bi carbonate soda and its cleared a few but in some places its just drizzle.

I just want it sorted and its a fath to take it on and off the ceiling mount to repeatingly clean so its probably easiest just to replace it and they aren't ultra expensive , seen a nice looking suitable one in screwfix for approx £30


Had a relatively spendy weekend , football and costco on saturday , the costco trip should actually save money as only buy what I really need/want and keep out the middle aisles.
Also avoided the food halls there , they arent expensive but neither are they good for you.

Sunday I visited my GS , what an absolute joy that boy is becoming 

Last week I also upped the gym , or more so what I was doing , Friday I made 2 visits and ended the day on 20k steps which is great for a working from home day. I've been taking a lunch and going for a walk around my local area. Been here nearly 2 years now but never really explored on foot so discovering a lot I haven't seen

The weeks steps ended on 65k which for a working from home week when i dont walk to the office is particularly pleasing , more so as I made the gym 4 days , it beats the 62k steps I did the previous walk. I am trying to tweak the eating yet again but thats tough as we already avoid processed - the last week I have ommited bread and most dairy. Last time I weighed myself I had a 2lb gain that I really couldnt understand , I won't weigh weekly however when I weigh next week I will go absolutely bat **** crazy is the effort i have made doesn't generate at least a small loss !!!!!

Seasidegal58

I've caught up with your diary finally - I'm so sorry to hear that you've been feeling so down lately. I agree that men appear to be programmed to keep their heads stuck in the sand when it comes to discussing personal issues but hopefully you can sort him out!
You seem to be doing all the right things with your diet and exercise so it must be galling not to see some weight loss. Sorry if I've missed it in your diary but are you on HRT?
However re MSE stuff you're doing well!

efes_shareholder

Seasidegal58 said:

I've caught up with your diary finally - I'm so sorry to hear that you've been feeling so down lately. I agree that men appear to be programmed to keep their heads stuck in the sand when it comes to discussing personal issues but hopefully you can sort him out!
You seem to be doing all the right things with your diet and exercise so it must be galling not to see some weight loss. Sorry if I've missed it in your diary but are you on HRT?
However re MSE stuff you're doing well!

yes I am on the HRT gel - it helps , i've also read it can cause weight gain. 

Finally seen a loss from the gym sessions , 3lb off in 2 weeks - Ive been really strict with myself with getting to the gym and trying to do @ least 10k steps a day , diet has always been relatively good but I havent really restricted myself diet wise.
After watching 7lb go on recently off course I am pleased with the loss but I was hoping for around 5lb - it seems so much harder to get off these days.

Seasidegal58

Awww - it's a hard one isn't it with HRT - helps so much with all the downsides of menopause but has the question mark of weight gain hanging over it as well. 

I'm pleased to hear that your weight loss has finally kicked in though - you've obviously worked so hard at the gym. Fingers crossed for next week's results. 🤞

efes_shareholder

not so great on the exercise this week - its so much more difficult when I am working from home as I acheive half of my target walking too and from work
gave it a bit of thought and decided that on my WFH weeks I will focus more on weights and resistance training and on my office days I will shift over to steps.
Hopefully that works

Mood is slightly better , maybe remembering my HRT daily is kicking in - I am still a little short and easily irritated but in general I feel a little more upbeat with life - long may it continue , there is no fun in being down.

Money is looking ok , it will be a busy month as NM is working at a weekender ( he gets paid handsomely) and then me and all the kids including the baby are having a short bolt over to spain to visit my dad. I have put some money in savings but I will see how the month pans out before putting anything more towards the 0& card.

I've also got a bee in my bonnet about over paying on the mortgage but shouldnt that wait until the debts are gone.

House is taking a little expense , I have a small roof repair needed but NM son is a roofer so that will be mates rates/materials and needed two new toilet seats and a new shower head ......................it doesn't end does it  

efes_shareholder

so the big news is i have not vaped for 5 days !! Feeling good and positive about the change and every day the urges are becoming less - I am sitting sucking in air through a clean fist and probably look like a complete loon but I am not vaping.

its a wellbeing choice rather then a budget choice , my digestive issues and pain remain so I'm figuring that sucking in chemicals probably isnt going to help.

its the habit of inhaling I am finding the hardest to break - and as vaping is so much more socially acceptable then ciggies its far more addictive. I am wearing a low does nicotine patch whilst I break the habit and once I feel I have put enough days in to not be craving inhalation then I'll look to stop these.

Octobers pay packet contained a nice bonus , I've saved two thirds of the bonus and kept a bit back hence xmas shopping starting this month and also my birthday trip to Italy - I do have savings but if I can manage these out of my bank I will be happy. 

NM recently told me I could spend his weekender wages , there is still some in the pot but all I have done is replaced our aging and rusty microwave and filled the freezer from costco - the 2nd move should help save on the groceries for a while.

The gym is going well , I am not seeing much reduction on the scales but I am getting myself in there - we have found we prefer to get up and go for when the gym opens at 6am rather then after work but it only allows about 45 minutes work out before we have to leave to get ready for work. there are always people waiting for it to open so I really hope they will consider a 5am open at some point.

efes_shareholder

so nearly 3 weeks vape free - its been far from easy but the worse part is over and I now do not need to wear a patch until well in to the afternoon. 

Money wise things are ok , I got a decent bonus this month and have managed to save most of it , November has been extra spendy as I had a birthday trip to Venice , beautiful but very spendy to take in to account.

Mental health is still not great, my health anxiety just doesn't seem to subside and I am easily convinced there is something wrong with me.

I am still in the gym several times a week , have not seen much weight loss to show for it though

The winter blues are well and truly kicking in 

efes_shareholder

wow its a while since I last posted

The wheels have come off a bit lately and I aware of a few impulse purchases to brighten my day , My mental health is never good in winter and I am aware I've made a few overspends but felt I needed too - It is all about balance right?

Xmas has been and gone and been accounted for  - I never get the food shop right and always end up over buying in one area. This year it was alcohol and snacks - not great for the new year diet. I can never do a dry January but I have drastically reduced my intake so thats a plus.

Also still not vaping - its tough and i havent been perfect but its a long road and i am still on the right track.

I just hate this time of year and particularly January - Nothing happens and its grim and cold and we have this after xmas come down, It also makes me reflect on all the bad things that have happened , they all seem to occur in January too. 

That said tomorrow I am doing my first extreme day trip - its something that is growing in popularity and my sister did one in December and loved it so tomorrow we are off to Austria for a day out. The return airfare was £35 which is cheaper then getting the train in to london for us. I love travel and figure this is a good way to see places and decide if I would like to go back for a longer stay without laying out hundreds to sample it. 

I've also bought a new bed for the spare room , the bed in there is so comfie but must be 14 years old now  , I have wanted an ottoman bed for that room for quite some time so NM and I have gone halves on it.

We have spent this month decluttering the house , mainly his as I dont have an awful lot having come from my child hood bedroom . I wanted to do it before we moved in but he insisted on just vacating the flat as quickly as possible but finally its done, The bed will also give us places to store things like board games which we only really use when we have guests but would like to have access too. we probably could have made money getting some of it on vinted rather then going to the charity shop but I just can't bare to have it around and neither can he.

I've also bought a walking pad ( again we went halves) , my gym trips met their maker in December and its hard to get back there in January as its so cold and full of people full of new years resolutions - I figured I can use it when I am working from home and its a quiet day which there have been a lot of recently , that  wont last but hopefully I will use it as expected. 

With all of that I need to wind it in for a while and busy myself - and stop buying stuff !!!!!!!!!

Yankee24

I love the idea of extreme day trip.  I have never heard of that.  Have a great time!