taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Back from the 2nd and final holiday of the year ( well aside from a trip to Venice which was a birthday present) 

Holidays and my choice of destination really are my happy place , its been a great week but also very spendy 
we went as a large party which always means you spend more then would if it was just your own unit where we would be more inclined to have a drink on the balcony rather then in bars etc.

We are all rebooked 

Its going to be a long month , my account is virtually depleted but I will see if I can ride it out - there isnt much planned or on the agenda so hopefully I can stretch it out.

I have started a £50 overpayment on the mortgage , it doesn't feel like alot but I hope to not notice and be able to increase it - every little helps right? 

Today my boss told me I will be getting an annual pay increase of 1.5k per annum - off course we would always like more but in current climate I have no real complaints and said raise will hopefully assist with being able to make those over payments,

On a personal level , me and NM had a great holiday , hes mentioned getting married but the problem is he is still married and has been telling me for 3 years he has to sort his divorce out , he doesnt do anything quickly and buries his head in the sand hoping things vanish or sort themselves out without his input. 
The problem is when he procasinates it triggers me with past trauma and problems in our relationship that we are still healing through. He puts my mood down to menopause and I then don't feel able to explain how im feeling until I have sunk a few for dutch courage and then it comes out all wrong.............................................we both need to work on these things.

Harmony is restored now but Friday night was difficult at home.

efes_shareholder

so 13 days until payday , trying my best to end the month in a positive in my account.
a true reflection on how far I have come as I would have previously just used the overdraft facility. 

Need to focus on my 0% card , there is £800 left on it and it runs out in September, I will make 2 payments July and August and then probably pay the remainder off out of savings. 

It will then be 2 years since I moved in to the house , the 0% card is the sofa , new bed etc so I have repaid it quicker then if I had used the stores 0% facility and also kept my savings intact.
One day I will trust myself to repay savings , that day clearly isn't yet !!!

I've been back in the gym the last 3 nights , its felt like hard work but I know I need to be there , will continue for the rest of the week until Sunday when I will go to visit my grandson.

Need to watch out for the pitfalls of being a nan - daughter mentioned he is growing fast so off course I am straight online for his next size sleepsuits and vests - did take advantage of the TU and Next sale but I could easily run away with it. 

efes_shareholder

payday been and gone ...............bonus month this month and just aswell

cleared just shy of £2300 , and then the bills happened £500 c/card bill £450 sent to savings £850 to the mortgage including an overpayment of £75.44 as every little helps , hoping I can increase but lets see how £75 goes.

I'm struggling terribly with my mental health this week , I feel like I have no idea where I belong in this world. 

efes_shareholder

well another week has flown by. 

Money isn't too terrible , had the expense of a birthday lunch for my daughter last week , NM and I were also minding his grandsons so had additional expense of extra mouths but it was nice to have all three of the boys together. 

Went out last friday night , this was nice as usually when we go out socially NM is working and this time he wasnt so we got to have a bit of a dance together and socialise with people 

This weekend we dont have much planned , a trip to ikea , some gym sessions and thats about it - hopefully it wont be unkind on the pocket.

Still a bit up and down with the mental health - I feel a bit lonely to be honest , Since I relocated I don't see as much of my friendship group and there are fractures within it where I don't attend if certain people are going to events. I find them difficult to be around so would rather opt out then be false to someone. I WFH a lot and NM is often tired after work and travel and where I am desperate for conversation he just wants to wind down and relax. I have lots of people in my circle but only a few I would consider "friends" and I need to try and make time to mantain those friendships but its difficult as everyone is so busy. I adore the new grandson and will always make him priority so seeing him comes before anything else. Maybe I will feel better next week when I am in the office but in general I am finding myself much less tolerant of people which probably the root cause. 
Have been back in the gym though , established a good 3 - 4 times a week routine and can feel the shape changing. Am trying to keep the carbs down when meal planning which I think is also helping. 

efes_shareholder

ok so rolling in to payday with a credit of £112 , happy with that as I thought it would be a tight month but do have quite a bit on my every day spend card - I need to stop spending every day on it !! In fact from today I am only going to use it for travel arrangements and big purchases.

waiting for my pay slip to hit so I can see how much money I bring home once my raise kicks in to place.

have changed my mobile phone tarif from £26 a month to £10 and also fixed the energy with octopus. Not sure if I did the right thing there but it has zero exit fee and a 14 day cooling off period and with all the media attention back on taxes and cost of living it felt the wisest move.

Mentally I am still struggling , my self esteem is pretty low. I'm fed up with blaming the menopause for all of these feelings and have to look a bit deeper for the root cause I think. The problem with anxiety and mental struggles is if you dont talk about them , people don't know and you can't really talk about them if you dont understand them yourself.

efes_shareholder

Payday -  a whole 48 hours of admiring my bank balance until the vultures circle and take their bit.

Toying with just using savings to pay off debts - i have 700 on a 0% card which expires this month but I have another card ready to transfer for 18 months , I have the money but my fear is if I use my own I wont replace it where as if I continue to save and pay the card down I still have the money should I need it

paying it off and regrouping would potentially get me out of the 0% addiction I seem to have but if I am managing it correctly where is the harm.

I've opened a virgin saving account linked o my current account offering a fab 10% , it allows me to put £250 a month in there so I'm thinking just stash in there and use the interest for the bill.

I may just continue as I am as the choice is always there. 

this weekend will be quite busy and quite spendy - my son is down from yorkshire and staying , my kids and NM kids are all coming for a bbq on sunday as well as my kids dad ( whoever thought this would be possible when he was with the crazy girlfriend) as he hasn't seen our grandson for a while and wont if he doesnt come this weekend as grandson is on holiday come wednesday. because of this I extended the welcome to him , i think its appreicated.

I'm still struggling mentally - I'm starting to understand whats going on in my head , its my relationship as it is functioning at the moment and some frustrations surrounding it. I think we need crisis talks which may mean mr head in the sand may have to acknowledge what we both know is happening 

not sure quite when those talks will take place but they need too

fantasyvsreality

Hope you manage to get things resolved with NM. I wonder what his previous relationship was like? Sometimes that can give us clues to a partners hard worn coping strategies in relationships. For instance if he is avoidant of conflict, or withdraws from emotional connection when he feels things are getting too much? 

Menopause is also a time when we review our lives, we are coming to terms with the loss of our youth, and the change in the appearance of our bodies can be so tough. You've also had to process so much in the last few years, particularly losing your mum. Take care x

efes_shareholder

fantasyvsreality said:

Hope you manage to get things resolved with NM. I wonder what his previous relationship was like? Sometimes that can give us clues to a partners hard worn coping strategies in relationships. For instance if he is avoidant of conflict, or withdraws from emotional connection when he feels things are getting too much? 

Menopause is also a time when we review our lives, we are coming to terms with the loss of our youth, and the change in the appearance of our bodies can be so tough. You've also had to process so much in the last few years, particularly losing your mum. Take care x

he is a typical man and thinks if he ignores something it will fix itself and go away.

we had a good chat on friday night and i tried to explain how my head is working - it seems that if something isnt dealt with correctly or i get upset by something I get in to a negative mindset and focus on the negative and find it very hard to lift myself out of that - I guess its what you feed your mind 

efes_shareholder

so the mid way point - finances are all looking good

booked next years holiday flights , all within budget , small balance to pay on apartment which is covered by my generous friends thank you collection for this year.

Transferred my c/card balance on to a new 0% with 18 months - I do have the money to clear it i just dont seem to be as trustworthy to pay myself back as I do a 0% deal , I guess I'm also earning interest in this period too.

Been back in the gym consistently , a good week this week although I did have a week out with my stomach issues. 
Last time I weighed myself I had gained 5lb so it drove me on to try harder - I've upped the steps , meal planned and ate healthy and still I have gained another 2lb 
I don't understand it and I can't blame menopause for everything so I am going to have to look really hard at what I am doing.
Although NM is much bigger then me the weight is dropping off him and we are eating the same things................its actually quite depressing however trying not to let it get my head down. Will be extra careful with food for next 2 weeks , work harder in the gym and I'm even considering an alcohol ban and if I havent lost anything in a further 14 days I will be REALLY upset. I looked in to weight loss plans but read they can cause digestive issues so I am reluctant to try anything that edits the balance in the body - I think this will come down to sweat and sacrafice

misslolu

Sorry to hear you're not feeling good mentally, have you considered speaking to a counsellor or your GP?

Also I can commiserate on the food issue. I cook most of our meals so OH and I end up eating mojority the same things, yet he hardly ever puts on anything while i'm steadily gaining weight. I've tried to reduce my portions and increase water/herbal teas and that's starting to work for me.