taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

Newstartforme

Hopefully your weekend and subsequent holidays restore energy levels x

Seasidegal58

Just caught up with your diary efs since you've welcomed the Man Child into your home!  I think you've handled the situation with great tact and benevolence and he has certainly been the beneficiary!  I'm glad though to read that you are now tackling the issues with him head on instead of stewing over things and stressing yourself out. Setting out a proper weekly/monthly plan for him to pay you for keep rather than on an ad hoc basis is fair and will also teach him that life isn't free in the real world and help him to budget when he eventually gets his own place. 

I hope you have a great holiday and recharge your batteries! X

efes_shareholder

so i am back in Blighty. Unfortunately the holiday wasn't really what I had hoped it would be. 280 people at a music event is difficulty for a variety of reasons and NM security responsibilities impacted how much of a holiday we actually got. The promotor tested my last nerve particulary when on the last night he thanked all of the team and excluded NM who although not playing music etc had given more hours then everyone else - FREE OF CHARGE. We get the hotel room for free but pay our own flights etc and go out at our own cost , use our annual leave , and he gives him time to help the promotor who is a friend of over 50 years. I was hurt that both he and his partner overlooked NM in the gratitudes and in my best menopausal way I let him know that. 

Whether we will be invited back next year who knows but to be brutally honest I don't care - the promoter I considered a friend and we helped him get the event off the ground but since its doubled in size he has become incredibly obnoxious. He is also getting very rich of the back of other peoples kindness - I dont want any more part in that .

House was tidy when I got back which is great but i had overlooked a couple of payments so ill hopefully dodge any late payment costs but kicking myself for it

efes_shareholder

I have made an appt with the menopause nurse to review my medication . I really feel like i just exist in my body with no control over my brain or emotions at the moment - emotions are over powering my intelligence every time. 

Reading back on my diary , I am not coping with things how I usually would and its being going on for a considerable amount of time now so I think I do need a review , potentially I could be suffering from Borderline depression too. 

I need to remind NM son that his housekeep is again due , its not an ideal time as the CMS has clawed money from his bank account which he has already paid to the mum ( apparantly he is supposed to tell 
CMS when he makes a payment) and he hasn't had any work this week so is a bit downbeat. I'm sympathetic but i still have to feed him etc , I don't want to remind him but it appears that I will have too.

We do have some non urgent roof work ourselves , I suggested he do that yesterday however he said he can't charge as he is staying here - I said I didnt expect him to do it for nothing but it would be an ideal time however he spent an hour calling round for work before giving up and pretty much sitting around all day. He bought his washing down so I let him know the machine was free ( I am not doing it when he is home too!!) , it took all day to get two washes out on the line and one was still there when I left for work this morning. Have asked NM to have a chat with him as he still hasn't sorted out his tax return and sorted some other stuff out. I suggested yesterday it was an ideal time to do it , As frustrating as it was , he isn't my child else i would have dealt with it completely differently.

Did a reckoner after the holiday and we spent more this year then we usually do - was that because we were in a hotel? the promotors choice of bars , rising costs in resort? who knows. We have agreed to keep the money we returned with aside as we are back away at the end of June. I hope I'll be wearing my happy face then as i was extremely tearful this holiday and couldn't do much about it. 

I'll blame the mental pause. 

I need to sort out the bank situation and get my sisters money over to her so i am on a even keel - I Also have to do a self assessment tax return which is a !!!!!! pain !!!! 

Anyway tonight is the Europa league final , my team are in it so I'm hopeful that they will give me something to smile over 

Newstartforme

Aw good luck to you're team ES . I totally resonate with what you are saying about menopause,  feel very similar,  and a real feeling of going through the motions but not really enjoying very much , it's really not nice . Hope things sort themselves with your house guest . It's tough , you feel sympathy on 1 hand but also expensive feeding another person as well x

fantasyvsreality

If it is any consolation I too have found the menopause to really mess with my moods. I don't take HRT but sometimes I feel like my rational brain gets hijacked and I just become very emotional/resentful about being taken for granted or being dismissed. It is such a hard time for us women. Keep on trucking ES. Hope you can get some answers/support. 

efes_shareholder

I ended up speaking to the pharmacist which wasnt expected but hey ho , they have upped my HRT and said to give it a few weeks, I was quite honest and said when the red mist descended I could quite happily drive my car in to a wall , think that caught him unaware !!!!

Will see how the next few weeks go but I am trying my best to"control" the feelings. Its not easy as having the man child home has tested my tolerance , especially since last week he didnt have any work so was home most of the week and spent most of that time just scrolling through his phone despite suggestions of things he could do to improve his situation like getting his statements to his accountant for his tax return ( have only been suggesting this for 3 months) 

and deep breaths as he has just returned home and taken up situ on the sofa doing the same as his work has been rained off !!

in my news , not ending the month too terribly , had a few payments to make as I overlooked them whilst I was away but really hopeful to avoid any fees or markers because of it

I need to order a new fan and fuse board for the house which will set me back about £200 and had to replace the microwave yesterday which was £40 as it just packed up but month should be in credit 

efes_shareholder

fantasyvsreality said:

If it is any consolation I too have found the menopause to really mess with my moods. I don't take HRT but sometimes I feel like my rational brain gets hijacked and I just become very emotional/resentful about being taken for granted or being dismissed. It is such a hard time for us women. Keep on trucking ES. Hope you can get some answers/support. 

I do feel slightly better after upping the HRT , resuming my menopause vitamins and having a bit of a heart to heart / air clear with NM. 

efes_shareholder

Newstartforme said:

Aw good luck to you're team ES . I totally resonate with what you are saying about menopause,  feel very similar,  and a real feeling of going through the motions but not really enjoying very much , it's really not nice . Hope things sort themselves with your house guest . It's tough , you feel sympathy on 1 hand but also expensive feeding another person as well x

Thank you , I'm happy to only take what i think he costs on the proviso that he focuses on getting himself out ASAP - Unfortunately that hedges on the tax return that he has taken 3 months to sort out and its obvious after weeks lack of work and the absolute despair he felt at having no wages that he is still living week to week - I don't understand why he has no money 

Newstartforme

I think nowadays some younger people expect to have much more disposable income which isn't always possible due to the cost of living , more so if income is not steady , you really would have to ensure that the good weeks were budgeted to take care of the lean weeks