taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

I’m not after appeal , I want to recap my own mind and settle it , shall chase again tomorrow but I won’t exchange until I’ve had my foot back in the door

im back at work full time , have been since start of July but from home , I’m feeling almost back to normal but still taking it easy on lifting and housework such as sweeping , hoovering and mopping

ive been in the strangest of moods the last few days , I’ve come to the conclusion I feel lonely , I shouldn’t but I do
NM listens but I don’t think he digests and I find myself repeating things
i know it’s not intentional but it does get me down , Isn’t paying attention the most important part of a relationship

we went to his sons for a bbq and the wife turned up unexpected, slightly akward and I know he felt that but she was friendly so that’s reassuring 

efes_shareholder

Thank god its nearly Friday !!
had the chat with my sister , she is also concerned not only about her housing situation but the cost of living crisis. My concern is I will need the money from the equity to get my mortgage back on a repayment in the future , if we take money out then this will be further away and as time moves along there may not be the oppurtunity to make it back.
Spoke to my agent , he said as yet there is no crash , maybe slight reduction in enquiries but the market is stable still.
He is coming to view mums tomorrow , In hindsight perhaps we should have marketed months ago but hindsight is a wonderful thing and the world felt slightly more stable then.

Still havent booked a holiday , was intending too but as everything they keep rising and nothing is shouting at me to book - we are literally 20 mins from the airport but cant find anything out of the local airport , typical isn't it really that we will probably have to travel over an hour to go to the monster sized one instead
I'm not panicking , something will present itself.

I'm feeling nearly back to normal and to NM's relief have started resuming housework other then light duties , he doesnt see what I see so I'm doing a few little jobs here and there. I've also treat myself to a ninja air fryer , had my eye for a while and with rising energy costs it makes sense to cook quicker in a smaller unit. He also comes in from work quite late so its handy to be able to whack something in and have it ready in 15-20 minutes. Last night we had homemade chicken fajitas , very quick , tasty , easy and not an artificial sweetener or E number in sight, I did use Very to buy it , purely because it was the same price as the amazon prime day and on 9 months interest free , I have the money to pay for it but I seem to not be able to kill the very habit and much prefer to use others if its a short term interest free thing.

I'm back at the new house on saturday for a viewing , will take the tape measure and also need to check the door bell out as i ordered 2 ring devices on amazon day and need to return the type I don't need. Then I'm off to my daughters dress fitting and then NM says he is taking me for dinner.

my mood is still very up and down , I seem to have this fear of things going wrong , I don't know if its a knock on effect of losing my mum but health anxiety seems to be an issue and I need to get a handle on it. 

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder it's normal to feel anxious after such a big bereavement.   You are doing brilliantly; taking sensible steps to ensure your security but it's hard to see that when you're in the thick of it.   Pacing yourself after an illness is also a very good idea.   Your devoted admirers will have to send you some high-kicking show dancers with feather headdresses to show how well you're doing.   Love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

holiday is booked

Ive been casing the websites for weeks and missed out on the odd great deal because I wouldnt make a desicon

Last night a hotel I had previously looked at and not booked presented itself , I was going to book it before and in the time to do my research it rose in price and was no longer the bargain it once was.

I'd pretty much concluded I would go to an alternative I'd picked out @ an extra expense until yesterday when the hotel I previously looked at represented itself.
EJ have £100 discount on at the moment so a week all inc with transfers and luggage has cost me £360 per person.
Local airport but not our nearest but I'm more than happy with it.

I have told NM I will pay , its a thank you and he doesn't get lots of treats and I have to take in to account he wont let me help him with his rent and bills so its just a little thank you for easing my financial burden the last few months.
I've told him he can cover the airport car parking and a little bit of spends , we wont need much as we are literally just needing a week to chill out.

My mood has lifted now I know there is something to look forward too - pretty good flight times too.

Humdinger1 said:

@efes_shareholder it's normal to feel anxious after such a big bereavement.   You are doing brilliantly; taking sensible steps to ensure your security but it's hard to see that when you're in the thick of it.   Pacing yourself after an illness is also a very good idea.   Your devoted admirers will have to send you some high-kicking show dancers with feather headdresses to show how well you're doing.   Love Humdinger xx 

you really do make me blush , thank you for your kind words

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder you are welcome; it's no more than the plain fact.   Have pressed the thanks sign but if you find it clogs up the look of your diary and you want me to remove it, please just say.  Love Humdinger xx 

lucielle

Hope the holiday lives up to expectations and you both have a great time.
L

efes_shareholder

so i went back to the house on saturday , its just perfect still - still triggered with anxiety over the future but my sisters notice on her rental was withdrawn so we will get mums property on the market early next week.

I've kind of done stuff very backward but it will all sort itself out. Just feel better once I know what mums will acheive and move on 

Vendor is looking to complete next month , makes no odds to me really so will just sit tight. On the back of this I went sofa shopping and somehow purchased a sofa which I absolutely love and am pretty sure but not certain will fit , it was a clearance but current model and should have cost 3800 but I got it for 2400 including 5 years insurance , its a large corner , cuddle chair and footstool and is absolutely lovely and fits the colour palette perfectly.. Paid a deposit and they will deliver when I'm ready , I won't use their interest free facility as I have the money so its time to break that habit although I do prefer to use someone elses where I can. I've also got a hoover being delivered as I need one for mums and will need one when I move so I've just bought one a little early. Went for a shark as they have great reviews and got it on offer so I'm happy enough with that. The only thing I really need to buy for the house is a new bed and a dining table and those are pressingly urgent.

I've been really getting to grips with my ninja dual , its fantastic and saves so much time. Hope it saves on the rising energy bills too. 
Cooked a roast chicken in under an hour and have done various potato products and veggies aswell as Chicken Fajitas.

Got a small bonus at work this month , have stashed 700 in to savings , needed my hair done but had £125 in bonds wins so I will try to either save that or it can help towards some of the expenses considering I've saved a fair wack this month.
Typically in August for the last few years we have had bonuses rather then pay rises , current climate who knows but I'm hoping I will maybe get both !!!

Had my daughters wedding dress first fit on saturday  , it really is beautiful.

Spent the last few days completely stressed out over a situation with 2 of my oldest friends , they fell out many years ago but I popped in to mums local to see one of friday and the other was also in there. friend 1 who is known for drama but has been a fantastic support to me over the last year or two decided that she was going to cause drama with friend 2 who was out of the way minding her own business. I've made it quite clear to both that I wished to remain impartial and to be honest couldnt wait to get away from it all. The following day I went to another friend of friend 2 for a bbq just for an hour and by the evening friend 1 was messaging me asking what was being said about the night before. I replied honestly that nothing had ( i would not have told her anyway as she was the cause of the drama) and the following evening I'm getting messages from another attendant of the bbq saying friend 1 has been telling her that she was being bad mouthed at the bbq !!! I really can't be doing with such child like behaviour and asked friend 1 why she had said that when it wasnt true , NM messaged her and said I really didnt need her trying to involve me at the moment as lots going on including the internment of mums ashes - she replied but the message had no empathy and was riddled with lies , pretty much blaming friend 2 for the fracas and making herself out to be the victim and questioning my loyalty and my friendship to her. I've come to the conclusion friend 1 is just a narcissist and her friends are her flying monkeys and as I wont be a monkey I've had passive aggressive messages.
I've decided my investment in this friendship stops now , I wont fall out but I also wont make plans to do anything with her or visit her as I will most certainly not be influenced and made to feel that I cant be around another set of friends in case it upsets her.
I did visit one of the bbq attendees just to put a stop to the nonsense that I've been tale telling , fortunately she knows me well enough to know its not my nature and everythings good but why do people create storms and then complain when it rains.

consumer_help_please

As someone who has plenty of drama in their life I have never had any patience for people who want to create drama. I've never understood why anyone would want drama. I think you've done the right thing. You can't have any mental space left for any of that rubbish. 

I'm glad you enjoyed viewing your house. Moving in in September will be good and within the mortgage offer window without losing your rate. I love my tempur mattress but everyone is different. I think those eve mattresses still have those satisfaction return policies? Might be a good option for you? Xxx

efes_shareholder

having a lot of anxiety right now , mums house is due to be listed but I am noticing a downfall in prices and sales in our area.
I need the sale to adjust my mortgage etc later on so need to acheive a certain amount and obviously there is the nuisance equity release that increases every day

Patiently waiting for the agent to list it , he said this morning , its still not on so will just have to hold tight and will chase up this afternoon.
I can't help thinking the time spent deliberating has cost us.

My major anxiety is the cost of living crisis and energy bills - can't help but wonder how many MP's are major shareholders in our utility providers.

I've got to switch the news off for the moment , its enough to cause major anxiety so I dread what its like for people who really are scratching around at the end of the month for enough money to feed the meter or the kids.

I'm not a heavy user and NM and I both earn but seriously 500 a month average bills , thats like another mortgage !!

Anyway I digress , spent saturday getting mums house ready for market and saturday night at my daughters 30th birthday celebrations.
Sunday went to football , NM's team - expensive day , overspent as I often do once a few beers are involved.
Need to reign it in a bit for the rest of the month after sofa deposits and hoover purchases.
defo menopausal , ordered a kebab for dinner after and ended up buying one too many , no ones fault but my own.
I see people spending 100's on hair colours , beers and memobrilia at football matches , expensive dogs , luxury holidays and i really start to wonder if we have a crisis , if its the media or if the divide between wealth and poverty is just stretched to the max.

This week I have been invited for a curry twice , I will only go to one. one friend is well known for being a let down and the other is with a group of friends where my friendship was tested by the toxic friend. 
Saturday NM is working at an event and I have been asked to go with him and do the ticket checks , it will add a few pounds to my pocket and hopefully cover our shopping that week and I have nothing else to do so I may aswell.

lucielle

Hope the house listing goes live today for you.  We're waiting to complete on a house but it has been a nightmare with one thing and another.  Also wondering how much the utility bills are going to be when we get in.
L