taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

How exciting that the house sale is all going through! 
You're trying to do too much! You need two weeks off minimum for a laproscopy! You've had extensive surgery. You wouldn't let a woman who had a c- Section work after 1 week. I know you're bored but your body needs this rest time. Try and take it easy so your body can heal. A stitch in time and all that. Xxxx

thanks Kitten , I have 100% been trying to do too much even though its much less then what I would usually do.
I had a 30 minute walk round a local small market on saturday as the nurses told me walking was good for me but it wore me out and on sunday I experienced an episode of pain which was off the radar , I dont know what it was and it did subside but I've taken that as a warning and there will be no more 30 minute walks , in fact I'm now doing literally nothing.

I did attend a funeral yesterday off my childhood best friends mum , I was in 2 minds but I only went to the service and not the graveside and as the lady was like a 2nd mum to me I couldn't not go when i've know the family for 40 years. I fell asleep quite early when I got home.

I'm not working full time , I am doing a 2 hour morning shift and a 2 hour afternoon shift and I will not accept more until I feel able but I feel I need a purpose and also as I will be going on to SSP I need to keep some money rolling in.I can also work from my bed so its all good.
Work messed my wages up this month and I only received ssp for the first week I was off so I've had to send an email to HR as I am one of the few people at my work place who recieves full sick pay for a period of time. As there will also be a month in June where there will be a weeks sick in the salary I want them to avoid a repeat in next months wages.

It looks like the mortgage offer is there or there abouts , they won't take my bonuses in to consideration so its slightly less then what I wanted but still within range and I have to remember it basically means I owe them less.
I'll get this one done , hopefully very soon and then move on to mums

efes_shareholder

pay day came and went , had a big chunk on every day card to pay but this does include the insurance on NM's spare car and since I dont now have to buy a car I don't begrudge covering all of the cost and in fact insisted.
Spoke to my work place , surprised to find my sick pay only covers the first 7 days and then its at 50% so my wages are correct - guess i've never used the sick pay for any extended period.
I'm doing 4 hours a day at the moment , broken in to 2 shifts and i believe i then get 50% of any additional hours via sick pay but I don't know as it was hard to understand so I shall ask my boss on his return from annual leave. We are reviewing my working day weekly ,and i intend just to up it by an hour or so at a time until I am back to being fully operational but having found the last few days quite surprising in terms of niggly pain and discomfort I will not be rushing myself.
NM is basically doing everything at the moment , even things I think I can do I am now choosing not too rather then do occassionally. 
Obviously need to be extra careful financially with the reduction in wages and the house purchase looming.
Sister had her hearing for the landlord to gain possession yesterday however landlord sent a family member so it was thrown out or adjourned until the landlord can be present , this buys more time. It was also reassurring that shes been advised it will be approx 2-3 months before she will be evicted once the order has been given.
Maybe just for once things are going our way and falling in to place , maybe someone is guiding us from above.
Been thinking about my mum alot lately , I think more because of the loss of my best friend in childhoods mum recently. CBF mum was so much of a 2nd mum to me when I was growing up , I'd knock at her door in my teens at any time night or day and she would pop the kettle on and let me throw out my woes. I went to see her when mum was ill after a long long break and it really was lovely and like old times. My CBF threw her arms round me for a hug as she left the service , her siblings weren't so welcoming as she lives some distance away and didnt help much during her illness so I do understand how they feel but I couldnt help feel so sorry for her at the wake when they all sat away from her - I know my sister frustrates the hell out of me at times but we do try and be there for each other. CBF was intending to head straight home after the service , her family were all going on to a local pub. I did enourage her to join them , stay over and spend some time with her siblings the following day. I'm not sure if she did but I really hope they did.

Buffythedebtslayer

I am sorry for the loss of your friend's mum. That is hard. I think it is difficult for siblings, only one person can really get on with things when a person is ill. My friends are quite angry with my sisters, but Mum won't tell them how much I do or how the house is or how ill she is. I certainly can't tell them - one is a full time carer and the other is over 4000 miles away. I think at some point I will resent  just from always being so tired (!) but it isn't their fault. It is just how things have worked out. 

I am glad the mortgage situation is sorting out. I really hope you are looking after yourself. Work sounds quite rough. I think that is a benefit of being a teacher that is often overlooked. Please do take care and do nothing!! 

Lots of love to you XXXX 

efes_shareholder

Buffythedebtslayer said:

I am sorry for the loss of your friend's mum. That is hard. I think it is difficult for siblings, only one person can really get on with things when a person is ill. My friends are quite angry with my sisters, but Mum won't tell them how much I do or how the house is or how ill she is. I certainly can't tell them - one is a full time carer and the other is over 4000 miles away. I think at some point I will resent  just from always being so tired (!) but it isn't their fault. It is just how things have worked out. 

I am glad the mortgage situation is sorting out. I really hope you are looking after yourself. Work sounds quite rough. I think that is a benefit of being a teacher that is often overlooked. Please do take care and do nothing!! 

Lots of love to you XXXX 

Thanks it is just circumstances but it was awkward to watch my childhood bestie of over 40 years sent to Coventry by her siblings. I’ve messaged the youngest sibling today who has cerebral palsy and really has felt the loss of her mum but did so well at the service , I just wanted to let her know that and feel after all their mum did for me in my younger years I owe it to their mum.
she was the first person I told I was pregnant at 17 , told her before my own mum which didn’t go down well but I never ever felt judged by her.
im resting as much as I can , I’m not lifting , I’m bored with sitting still and frustrated that activity makes me tired
i had lunch with my eldest and her fiancé at the weekend and then had 2 naps before bed time !!
im upping my working hours to 6 a day this week , I need too for my sanity and I’m hopeful that I will get 50% of the hours I don’t work in sick pay , that’s my understanding anyhow. If I didn’t have the house coming up I would sit and take 50 per cent of my usual wage but I do need to at least break even with monthly expenses until the house is sorted.
I’ve amused myself looking for holidays which I am writing off as too expensive ( also want to monitor all these cancellations before I commit ) and looking at home furnishings
the home furnishings is slightly trickier as the house really is show home condition so I need to adapt my tastes to fit in with how it is right now and also have the shelf life to still fit in with what I would like as and when I redecorate to suit my tastes
i do believe you get what you pay for so I’m likely to have to find a neutral sofa and new bed ( my existing will go in the 2nd big bedroom ) 
got my heart set on a super king but we shall see. 

I think of you often and the challenges caring for your mum brings , I was fortunate enough to work from home through my mums illness and couldn’t have possibly have gone to work so I take my hat off to you and how you cope 
you are doing a great job .
 

efes_shareholder

I’m up at stupid o clock as I’ve acquired a stomach upset, the sort where you are sick until the point that your stomach ejects absolutely everything.
agreed with my boss I’d have a nap and see how I felt , ended up sleeping until 9pm 
have managed to keep some fluids down but am headachey and not sure if it’s a migraine or a dodgy takeaway but throwing up your pain killers and stomach cramps when your stomach is healing is definitely no fun what’s over 

Kitten868

Oh you poor thing. That sounds horrendous! I can't even imagine. I really hope it's a 24 hour thing and you are through it. I'm terrible for getting migraines when I'm run down or haven't eaten so it makes sense but it's not fair when it's not your fault. Maybe see if you can handle some diarolyte or something. Hope you feel stronger quickly. 

Well done for reaching out to your boss and not working. Take it easy on yourself xxx

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry you are poorly and being sick when you are already recovering from an op sounds horrendous.  Hope the house buying process carries on smoothly.  

efes_shareholder

nearly at the 4 week post op , still a bit bloated and uncomfortable but no lifting , housework and only very light walking. 
I'm bored of feeling incapacited and long for my independance.
NM is doing his very best but sometimes lacks extra thought , he got up late to leave for work and decided not to eat before he left which is fine but puts me in a quandry for my own dinner since everything we have is frozen/oven cook and beyond my means. sometimes he does seem to only consider himself , not knocking him for it , I think its a typical man thing.
I asked him to get a bag of frozen paella out of the freezer for me and leave the heavy frying pan on the hob so i can do myself that and didnt make a fuss but do want to remind him that at the moment he does have to think about me aswell as himself!!

Finances are so so , my sister took me to get my hair cut and coloured and I treat her for her b'day present as her hair is in terrible condition due to box sets , my hair is expensive so it was double the usual cost but she was so pleased with it and it looked so much better that its ok , particaulary as it was a "special" birthday.
No further house updates , my mortgage advisor is on holiday and there is nothing updated from the solictior so I assume its all just ticking along

The reduction in pay does look like it won't be possible to save very much this month but I have to just accept that and realise that I don't actually need much money to get the house up and running as its pretty much in show home condition.

A friend popped in on my extended lunch today and commented on how lovely this area is and how she hadn't realised so thats reassurring that I'm settling in the right place although I do keep thinking about the semi rural property I saw which is still on the market.

efes_shareholder

PS I feel much better aside from a sore scar and swollen belly but at least I'm no longer being sick!!

peb

Good!  People kept (and tbh still do) to listen to my body, just don't rush stuff.