taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

@efes_shareholder bereavement can make you feel shocking but throw in the menopause too and I think you have the answer right there.  Without sounding too hippie/Mystic Meg, are you able to talk through your feelings in real life? Also weeping like a banshee whenever you can is also helpful, if that's your style...or maybe even if it's not.   Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack.  You're doing brilliantly but there is an awful lot to come to terms with and you'd have a heart of stone if you felt 'normal' at the moment.  We're all rooting for you love Humdinger xx 

HI Humdinger , thank you , I'm starting to think I'm going crazy.
Its probably a whole heap of everything , I still feel like I'm spinning plates , desperate to be able to lay my own roots , fearful of wrong choices , and as I'm finding we all walk different parts with grief.
NM is very good at listening when aware he needs too but its very hard to verbalise how you are feeling when you don't really know yourself.

Buffythedebtslayer

We are all rooting for you Efes XX 

You will come back to yourself eventually. I hope this doesn't come across as as weird, but I think it must be like one of your biggest anchors has gone in losing your mum and now you are at sea. I mean you have other anchors I know, but it is such a huge unbelievable change. And everything with the house. and the money and the car and the menopause. !!!!!!. These are all just such big things. We really are rooting for you,  one day at a time. XXX X
Love Buffy XXX 

Kitten868

Its all happening to you. You don't feel in control of your life. I completely understand that. 
I think you've made the totally right call about the car. You have decided about what to do with the house. You've done all you can about the probate/IHT. You are juggling all these things so well. 
The menopause can absolutely do all those things to you. They are working on it so that you can get support from your employer whilst you're going through it if that helps. Have you looked at HRT? Also remember there are different HRTs so if you don't agree with one you can try another. 

You're amazing how you keep going. It has been pants. Grief is a strange one. It never happens how you expect. You're doing so well xxx

efes_shareholder

So I wrote a long post and lost it
saw the perfect house today , if I had to brief an agent with what I wanted it ticked all the boxes
2 really good sized bedrooms ( with fitted wardrobes ) 2 reception rooms , utility and downstairs WC , sun room , drive for 2 cars and garage 
nice garden 
an area I’m not familiar with really but good feedback from work mates as it’s only 5 miles from where I work 
supermarkets are Waitrose and sainsburys so I guess that tells you something 
it’s not the right time really as half my deposit is tied up in mums house but I do have enough to do a 25% buy to let deposit so I’m doing some coatings on that
the property is a probate sale and the family have only just submitted application so same position as mums and maybe we could potentially meet at the same point who knows
house was a little out of date but spotless and liveable whilst you updated as you went along which is always better to get a feel once you have been there a little while.
it really was perfect except for me not being over familiar with the area and being on a housing estate 
I saw two others and they were idyllic locations but smaller and no parking.

NM is working the door tonight so I’m home alone with the wine , I’ve been so struck by missing mum this week , she loved Easter and bought eggs for everyone , last year her favourite carers received them and I guess it just reminds me of all of her very loving qualities that were often overlooked amidst her mental health issues.
my sister and I did some more sorting out yesterday at the house and then my girls took me for lunch which was very nice.
spends have been a bit unpredictable 
I will be able to clear the 0% card and also have the car payment due so let’s just get the slate clean.

my burning pains continue , I’m a little breathless but it seems to be linked to has but absolutely confirms I want the vaping to stop so once the next weekender and before the operation it will be gone , my promise to myself
i have discussed HRT with my doctor and I don’t think it will be an issue but my doctor said to wait until after the operation as it is a different dose 

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder I meant to say that bereavement does make you feel like you are losing the plot...but you are not! You are doing brilliantly though you can't see it.   Keep going and be kind to yourself love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

docs texted me to say that my recent blood tests are border line on the vitamin D count and suggest supplements , I was taking them until about 3 months ago when the habit got broken
looked up symptons and muscle cramps , aches etc are the main ones.
Hmm will restart and hope that helps

currently waiting on some mortgage calculations , been waiting on them since last week
offers on the ideal house need to be in by close of play today .............cutting it fine now.
I have the residential figures 
update , now have them and have submitted what I think will be an unsuccessful bid but nether the less its in and you just never know and it doesn't step out of my comfort zone right now.

pay out for car has hit my account , its slightly sad but hey ho , this month I should also get a bonus so I will 100 % be out of debt for the first time in my working life but car less. Its working ok with NM's 2 cars at the moment but I am only insured on one and if he needs to go to london he has to use the one I am using as its exempt from ULEZ , fortunately the office is walk able and sounds like I could do with the natural sun light.

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

@efes_shareholder I meant to say that bereavement does make you feel like you are losing the plot...but you are not! You are doing brilliantly though you can't see it.   Keep going and be kind to yourself love Humdinger xx 

Thank you 
it’s definitely a roller coaster at the moment 

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Its all happening to you. You don't feel in control of your life. I completely understand that. 
I think you've made the totally right call about the car. You have decided about what to do with the house. You've done all you can about the probate/IHT. You are juggling all these things so well. 
The menopause can absolutely do all those things to you. They are working on it so that you can get support from your employer whilst you're going through it if that helps. Have you looked at HRT? Also remember there are different HRTs so if you don't agree with one you can try another. 

You're amazing how you keep going. It has been pants. Grief is a strange one. It never happens how you expect. You're doing so well xxx

Feel completely out of control of everything but everything will become clear I guess 

efes_shareholder

Buffythedebtslayer said:

We are all rooting for you Efes XX 

You will come back to yourself eventually. I hope this doesn't come across as as weird, but I think it must be like one of your biggest anchors has gone in losing your mum and now you are at sea. I mean you have other anchors I know, but it is such a huge unbelievable change. And everything with the house. and the money and the car and the menopause. !!!!!!. These are all just such big things. We really are rooting for you,  one day at a time. XXX X
Love Buffy XXX 

Thank you I’m not sure what I would do if my plate was ever empty 
I seem to just either be handed too much or take too much on

peb

Just sending hugs.  No words of wisdom. 

Not sure about the BTL scenario for the house, I'm sure you have checked everything out including higher rate sdlt