taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Goodness me. You've got a date for the hysterectomy! The main thing with that is to make sure you do take the time off after to recover. Don't rush back in after 6 weeks. Fantastic news though. Must be such a relief. 

I think you are coming to the decision to sell. It definitely is a good time to sell but a terrible time to buy. So would you be happy to stay in NMs flat for the foreseeable? How much work do you think you can do to the house to get a decent return? 

Definitely make the decision on your terms in regard to the house. Don't be swayed by your sister. She's not in a position to be telling you what to do. Why is it not a good time for her to receive the cash? The other option is stay for one year or two? 

Great work on all the veg in your dinners. I'm sure he's very happy to be getting all these healthy meals xxxx

I have a date but it clashes terribly with others annual leave at work , I'm going to call through to the hospital tomorrow and see if I can put it back a week or two and maybe get a few days away in the middle.

re the house , this is the thing , its an awful time to buy , so much competition and houses overpriced , if I remortgage mums I can stay for around 5 years and re evaluate but I have to also look to get my money invested too and the extra stamp duty is really just a extraction of urine. My sister is a single parent with 3 kids at home ( only one under 18) she does work but she gets housing ben and tax credits and should she recieve a lump sum now she would not get these , ideally she wants to buy somewhere but she can't afford more then a 2 bed flat which given another 5 years hopefully her 2 entitled elder daughters may have moved on or at least be at more of an age where they can be told they need too.

efes_shareholder

I can stay at NM's but its a one bed mens crash pad and not really a couple flat ..........I have to be in my own house by xmas for my own sanity 

lucielle

I’m sorry to be blunt but that’s your sisters problem. You need to start looking after your needs first. Already you’re thinking of moving an important operation needed on health grounds because others have leave. Would they do the same for you?  Sorry if this is harsh. 

L

efes_shareholder

lucielle said:

I’m sorry to be blunt but that’s your sisters problem. You need to start looking after your needs first. Already you’re thinking of moving an important operation needed on health grounds because others have leave. Would they do the same for you?  Sorry if this is harsh. 

L

it is her problem , if it works for me to wait then i will but i wont compromise my own position.

re the op , they probably wouldnt and whilst i dont mind moving it by a week or so I have told my boss I won't put it back by months

Kitten868

Please, please, please put you first. You have been on the backburner for years and with all thats gone on you've worn yourself down to the threads. You have health issues that need to be addressed. You have put it all off. It is time for you to get a bit physically mended. It is a big surgery and you will need comfort. Think about where you want to come home to afterwards and recover from. Maybe keep the house for now if it will help you to recover there. I am expecting that a lot of issues will disappear with this surgery so there's lots of positives to focus on for the future.

The housing market will come back around and you will find the perfect home for you.

Keep going. You are making such huge strides and doing so so well. You really should be proud of you. You are wonderful xxx

efes_shareholder

I've moved the surgery by 2 weeks , only because it makes things much easier with my cover at work , it allows me to try and get a few days in the sun and also fulfil a few things pencilled in the calender and not lose all summer to my recovery.
I will come back to NM's , its ground floor and I wont need to lift.
Our friend cancelled with the tax forms last night , she has her own health issues but my sister and I went away as I sensed she could do with going out , it was quite nice. Its becoming apparant that I am her support . We spoke about the house , she said being there makes her sad and although having the money isn't ideal she feels selling is the best option , I'm leaning to agreeing with her too. I'm not sure I'm up to taking on the renovations to the spec it would need and I'm also not sure it won't always feel like "mums" house regardless of what we do. Mum always said it was an unhappy house and although we can recall good times , there is a lot of sadness with it , maybe new starts all round are the key. 
I'm going to attempt the tax forms myself and try and get this probate sorted. 
delaying my operation also gives a few more weeks to get the house sorted. 

efes_shareholder

I blinked and the weekend vanished

took my daughter for dinner fri night and then was at mums early saturday to try and get ahead of ourselves sorting the carnage out. mum kept so much tutt. really really pointless stuff to hang on to , I just don't think she threw anything away. we took about 10 bags to the dump and have virtually emptied mums room although there is now a pile of bags and boxes in the hallway. I'm bringing in the same guys who disposed of the garage tutt and they will also take mums bed and her the sofa , neither of which are of any use to anyone. they have had it.
I've asked them to give me a cost of emptying the loft , not to dispose of anything but just to bring it in to the lounge so we can go through it. its gonna be so dusty for a while but it will get worse before it gets better so have to suck it up.
all the grandkids are curious as to what is in the loft so I have told them they need to be available the first weekend of april if they want to plough through it and hopefully more hands make lighter work. 
Went for a bottomless brunch with my sister and one of my childhood friends on saturday after this , belated birthday celebration. as much prosecco as you can drink and 3 course dinner , and boy did we get our monies worth , my sister was extremely wavy.
NM picked me up from my friends , we came home , had a bit of the moroccan chicken I left in the slow cooker and then went to a club night , dont know quite how I managed that after an afternoon on the sauce.

Sunday did the food shop for NM and I and then back to mums for more clearance , by the afternoon I'd hit a brick wall so came home , watched the footie , reheated the last of the chicken from saturday with some potatoes and veg and then just vegged out before getting in to bed about 10 which is early for me recently. 

Today I need to pop to tesco again as I am doing an aubergine and feta cheese bake and didnt buy enough aubergines .......along with some other stuff you can only get in tesco and we blitzed aldi in record time.

filled my car up with fuel , could cry at the increases , ,its robbery but hey ho , and also got mums letter about energy increases ...............wowser , its really made me consider my next purchase. its absoloutely absurd and how people on benefits are supposed to manage I really don't know. It really is a choice between eating and heating for many

efes_shareholder

the pinch of nom aubergine and feta cheese bake is absolutely banging , big success although NM got called away by his daughter so I ate alone , I wasn't impressed - more because his personal organisation is so poor. I guess its a man thing. feel kind of bad about it now but he hadn't turned his phone on for 3 days and if he had maybe he would have known he needed to be somewhere and I could have cooked around it . Still not the end of the world.
my moods are swinging quite a bit 
belly is playing up , uncomfortable and ultimately menopausal too.
I just feel like a homeless orphan who needs a home 

IHT forms are done so this week I can that submitted and at some progress is being made.

spend £11 on two tickets to a london football match on saturday  , its a day out and for that money it seems worth it. Travel will be a bit of a pain but we try and work something out. 
not planning much more spends , I need to get the tesco card clear this month and then aside a small amount of BNPL on very for some jeans I didnt want to go shopping for , I am pretty much debt free.
I really need to save as much as I can and not go shopping

efes_shareholder

booked someones driveway for the football £6 , its about an hour in the car but a real ball ache to get there so it will be worth it , hopefully no problems.

cooked a chicken fajita pie and slow cooked the mix for a lamb hotpot over night for an early dinner today. 
Was very nice , my sister popped in with the tax forms and asked NM if he was being fed well , " too well!" he said but the snacking is down and he is starting to lose some of the lockdown bulk

I spent yesterday feeling bad for being cross about the lack of notice to his absence on monday night but maybe he spent the day feeling the same as he came home from work last night with Flowers , Gin , Wine and chocolates . Don't feel I've done anything to deserve that but it is very appreicated and I felt very special. 

Today my aches have returned , have them in my joints - my hips and back noticeably but also my ankles and wrists along with some pins and needles. Considering attempting to get to see the doc but maybe a nice bath later will help. I'm pretty sure its perimenopause related , the joys of womenhood.

i've got a call and collect to get from argos , its a gift for a workmate birthday , i expected to see her tomorrow as due in to the office but boss has now told me i can work from home so i'll just take it next week and leave on her desk. when I'm out will pop in to B&M as vape fluid is only £1 a pot in there and I need a chilli con carne mix to leave in the slow cooker when we go to the game on saturday 

I'm out for dinner with my friend who organised mums service tomorrow , my treat as she bought last time but they do take tastecard on a friday. I have mon and tues booked off work as NM is off so am looking for a little get away but we have no idea where !!

Kitten868

I think it was totally understandable to be irritated by NM having to skip dinner. But great that he apologised. 

Sounds like you're doing really well at the house. With prices the way they are now I don't think renovating it would make you that much more money. The ones in need of renovation seem to cost just as much. Do what you can and get it on the market. And well done on the tax forms and the probate. You really are a one woman force. Enjoy the football and night out with your friend xxxx