taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver said:

I think it is difficult for you to take an objective view but probably trying to take the emotion out of your decision is sensible even if it means taking your time. You have had a difficult time living there not only because of your mums illness but because it was never really your home. If you had no connection to the house would you want to buy it? £30k sounds like a lot but if it needs new kitchen, windows, bathrooms it doesn’t go far unless you compromise and do it bit by bit. 

alot depends on the settlement figure , someone has put the idea of 450k in value  for the house in to my sisters head but to me thats way off the mark and the agent i had round.
its a nice location , cul de sac , quiet area , good neighbours and a nice place to live so if i didnt live there then yes its somewhere i'd consider , kitchen and bathroom a priority , its not a huge kitchen , it doesnt need windows so thats a plus.

ill give it consideration from time to time , there is no rush

efes_shareholder

had a wobbly few days , i think its part of the process and just have to ride it out , service is pretty much sorted , just need to confirm buffett choices and numbers for the wake.
have managed to save 1000 this month , not sure if i will end the month in credit as I didn't account for my sons birthday or my funeral flowers and there is still another 11 days until pay day.
any excess will go to the tesco bill which is the priority to clear , i'm hoping that I can do that next month and still save a decent chunk.
I'm no longer paying rent to mum obviously but I won't allow myself to be "kept" at NM's , he's been reluctant to take anything from me so we have come to the agreement that we take it in turns covering the weekly groceries , to be fair he is being fed like a king and you can already see that he is trimming down with my cooking which rarely involves processed food. Found meal planning and cooking new things is keeping me busy and giving me purpose. My complete set of pinch of nom books is coming in to its own , this week we have had the keema pie , chicken , rice and vegetables tray bake and the sausage casserole.
I've cancelled the virgin in mums house , it turns off next week. Although right now I am still here occassionally working ( prob once a week ) that will get less , I can use the hotspot off my phone and I really can't warrant the £77 payment. 

Last few days I've probably had too much alcohol , never good the next day , need to cut back on that and learn to sleep without being semi comotose first. An old friend cooked my sister and I dinner last night and we had a few glasses of wine and a chin wag , it was nice but i nearly cried off after working all day feeling broken from the effects of the previous evening gin.

My future and the best thing to do is really in my head , mums setllement figure arrived and was pretty much how I expected. Its a little frustrating that she took the money out of the house and just squandered it , that wasnt what it was intended for but it was my suggestion she released some money and that suggestion is really the difference between the house being affordable to keep and it not being. 
i've spoken to a mortgage advisor about various options but looking @ what I've been told the house could achieve and what I could buy with the proceeds it looks more like keeping the house is the hardest route , it puts all my eggs in one basket and I could potentially end up like my mum , living in a property I can't afford to update and mantain. If I moved to the town I woek in I could trim 25k off my mortgage and keep the same sort of money as I have to renovate mums which feels like a nice place to be. I don't particulary want to live in a different location but once you shut your door does it matter? and half the people I know who used to live here now live elsewhere , just I don't like change. There is a house on the market at the moment that I would jump @ the chance to buy , not the right time but in words of phil and kirsty , its shown me what is out there for my money - 3 double beds , one with ensuite and dressing area , huge kitchen diner , 2 other reception rooms , outbuilding and off street parking ...................its swung the pendulum slightly 

lucielle

That house does sound very tempting.  Wobbly days are to be expected, just go with the flow.  Thoughts are with you.
L

efes_shareholder

lucielle said:

That house does sound very tempting.  Wobbly days are to be expected, just go with the flow.  Thoughts are with you.
L

Mum said she would like me to keep the house but i'm pretty sure she will approve of me buying a different one as long as I buy one.

Kitten868

Well you still haven't made a solid decision and even if you put it on the market you can still change your mind. 

Of course you're having wobbly days. I can't imagine even without the grief how different your days have become. Cramming all that care and responsibility and uncertainty in around trying to do your job. Now you just have to look after you. It's a huge adjustment. Add in that your heart is broken and it's going to leave you wobbly. Just keep getting through the days for now xxxx

efes_shareholder

its the end of the week , tonight im out for dinner with  my friend who has organised mum's service , the last week has been a bit spendy although im not sure why..........cancelled my hospital appt as the winds are bad here and i didnt fancy the country roads and so glad i renewed the buildings insurance on the house when I did !!

not much chance of  quiet weekend , have to go to the house to do some sorting out tomorrow and then im being badgered to go to the event that NM is working the door at tomorrow by the gf of the guy hes working with - shes since gone quiet , it may help to have an evening out but im just as happy at home. Sunday we are at a friends for dinner and then the weekends over and its back to the grind

Am looking at a mini break for 3 or 4 nights with my younger daughter , think it may be well needed. may also have a few uk days with NM next month.

Purchased mums crem plot yesterday , 100 year lease and room for us all so i guess thats a bonus  , its also only a row away from where my uncle and aunt were laid to rest so thats comforting.

efes_shareholder

well tomorrow is mums last journey , its been an up and down last few weeks , its true grief just hits you when you think you are ok and the slightest little thing makes you look back on things.
we have a celebrant , we have oked what she is going to say , i've picked up that im mentioned alot but my sister doesnt seem to mind , the grandchildren are doing their own tribute and my daughter has done the most beautiful video of photos to music , it should all go well.
we have the usual friction within the family with members not talking to each other but i dont care for that tomorrow and they can just get on with it. NM is on security alert just in case but I'm sure it won't be needed.
I'm hopeful mums only surviving brother will come , he has promised me he will but he didnt come to any of his brothers so we shall wait and see.
money isn't going well however my 1k saving this month is stil in tact , i've also had my sons birthday , hair colour and mums flowers so its not too terrible.
I will probably crawl to pay day , should make it in credit by the skin of my teeth - have booked breakfast at the beefeater for NM and me tomorrow morning as I dont want to cook and I think a good start to the day food wise will be helpful.

Looking in to options with the house , prices have raised in our area by about 30k on a 3 bed property and now I have the settlement figure I think buying my sisters share and repaying the equity will be just beyond me however NM son is going to give me a ball park labour figure of what I would want to do , just completing inheritance tax forms to say we are exempt and then probate can be submitted.
I have a friend working on the forms , she is lovely , she took my sister and I to dinner and paid the bill without our knowledge , my friend who has arranged mums service also did the same on friday night. I need to pay some of this kindness back at some stage

lucielle

Efes, I hope tomorrow goes as well as can be expected and your mum has a good send off. Accept peoples kindness, they’re doing it because they care. 

Lx

peb

Best wishes for tomorrow, good idea to have breakfast out beforehand.  I'm also pleased at the practical help you are getting

Kitten868

Your friends kindness is proof of how lovely you are that you deserve it. Absolutely you can return the favour but save that for an efes in the future. You have a lot to focus on right now. I'm just so happy you have these people in your life to help steer you. 

Breakfast out sounds like a fantastic idea for tomorrow. 

In terms of money I think you're doing fantastically! You're still juggling everything and being a lovely mum. 

Do look to get your mini break booked with your daughter. 

Sending you lots of love for tomorrow xxxx