taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

the_end_of_the_rainbow

Hoping today went as well as can be expected x

Buffythedebtslayer

Just popping on to send you love. I don't know what else to say, you are amazing, do be kind to yourself XXXXX 

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder sending you love xx

efes_shareholder

the service was beautfiul , i mean really beautiful. the songs were perfect as were the celebrants words.my daughter created a visual which made everyone cry , my nephew and future son in law acted as pall bearers , my daughter and neice spoke to everyone about their nan.
my head was very sore on saturday but things went better then we could ever have hoped.
went out saturday night and I clocked the hump with NM , it wasn't really his fault , a lady he has history with was at the place we went too and she didnt come over when we were together but waited until I went to the toilet and then was too attentive for my liking , it hit my jealousy button which is very unusual but i think i'm also feeling very sensitive at the moment.
saturday i nursed a hangover , yesterday my sister and I collected most of mums beautfiul flowers which would only go in a skip and we placed them at other family members graves to add some colour.
did a food shop , used club card vouchers so it was only £16 for the week.

efes_shareholder

ok so adjusting to new normals , whatever they are
Mostly I'm fine , I'm just sad at mums illness and the lack of quality , it seems such robbery.

accidently sent the standing order to mums account which I pay every month , fortunately it was returned as the account is frozen but have now cancelled the standing order.

hoping to get probate and the IHT forms returned , a friend is helping me and I was due to see her tonight but unfortunately shes in hospital with some stomach issues so will have to wait.
our friends husband and son have offered to get up in mums loft and bring everything down which will also be a massive help , its something my sister and I need to put a rota in to doing , as it will need to be done. Lots to be done.

still mulling over options , having been staying with NM but its a small one bed flat and I feel my stuff is getting in his way , even though I've been cooking good dinners for him , keeping the general housework going and paying for our food , its not ideal.
spoke to mortgage guy , my status is fine although may need less then 25 years due to my advancing years 
There are 3 options , sell mums house and buy a different one , keep mums house and buy my sisters share ( this is tight as property has really rised) or re mortgage mums , clear equity loan and do renovations and I live there for at least the next 5 years as my sister is not in a position to buy right now and isnt keen on having the money now as in 5 years it wont buy what it does now.
if we went with option 3 which would also buy me time to know if keeping the house is really so important then I was considering investing my house sale money in a buy to let ............then I found about the 8per cent stamp duty , considering the 20% capital gains tax and the possibility of nightmare tennants I really need to consider if its really the place to put my money but I do need to put it somewhere................just where!!

this month looks ok budget wise , shopping etc at NM's coming in slightly cheaper then what I would normally give mum so I will probably offer to pay the next utility bills considering I am using them too 
we are away two weekends this month at events NM is working on and also trying to grab a few days away just for us , not sure where too as yet but due to NM being unvaccinated it will be uk.
I'm thinking LIverpool to visit Anfield where I have always wanted to go but I dont really mind , its not really the weather for UK breaks

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder well done on keeping a steady approach to all the options.  I understand what your sister is saying about the value of money now vs in 5 years but is that fair to you? You've already done 99% of the care for your mum and you need to think about your situation too.  Your sister seems to think that she takes priority again.  Sorry if this is speaking out of turn.  Love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

@efes_shareholder well done on keeping a steady approach to all the options.  I understand what your sister is saying about the value of money now vs in 5 years but is that fair to you? You've already done 99% of the care for your mum and you need to think about your situation too.  Your sister seems to think that she takes priority again.  Sorry if this is speaking out of turn.  Love Humdinger xx 

hi
its no speaking out of turn , i think it is more me trying to find a solution that works for us both , i know i'm attaching sentiment to the house and thinking if i stayed there 5 years it would let me see how important that house was or wasnt which feels a bit blurry right now , there is a lot to process - I'm starting to lean towards selling up , its not the ideal scenerio for her but to be honest she can't afford to buy me out and i've made it clear I wont rent it out , I'd like too but it would impact on what I'm able to buy and I'm afraid after holding tight and trying to be patient for so long I won't compromise on that side of things.
ultimately what works best for me will be the path I take.

efes_shareholder

so big call and collect order collected before work at 7am yesterday as I was awake from 4.
£75 spend but needed things like washing powder , toilet roll , shampoo and conditioner , medications and all the bits that send the cost up ............its a big shop for NM and I or should i say it felt a lot to spend but looks a little once its all unpacked.
I'm covering the cost of majority of our food spends to pay my way , it seems only right , I will offer a contribution to his fuel bills when they come in too. 
We had chicken tikka masala last night , cooked fresh and packed with spinach , chickpeas and tomatoes , theres a portion for one of us to use for a work lunch in the fridge and last night before I went to bed I put a beef stew on the go , added dumplings and pearl barley this morning but got the volumne of pearl barley wrong so have had to stir through some more fluid. still its packed with goodness and will put hairs on his chest and hopefully keep him out of the chicken shop. he can have the same again tomorrow as I am back in the office for one day so we will eat seperately and tomorrow I plan to set the slow cooker off again with a morrocan chicken dish packed with courgettes and peppers. Plenty of veg does help my digestion issues and he is not happy with his weight so hopefully it will help him too.

we were away this weekend as he was working a weekender , got away with spends around £30 which feels like a win but the weather was terrible and it was a bit of a drab affair.

As much as I have now regained my freedom , I do not feel like I have much spare time , neither does my sister which makes us both wonder how we ever managed before.

We are having dinner with our financial friend on thurs and then I can submit mums probate , saturday morning I'm going to spend a bit of time trying to organise mums house a bit more and then my sister and I have a prosecco brunch

I have a date for my hysterectomy , it needs doing as I put it off for mum but it just feels like there will never be an ideal time

efes_shareholder

oh and another £25 win on the PB
that brings my total to £475 since my investment last June , not a bad return really

Kitten868

Goodness me. You've got a date for the hysterectomy! The main thing with that is to make sure you do take the time off after to recover. Don't rush back in after 6 weeks. Fantastic news though. Must be such a relief. 

I think you are coming to the decision to sell. It definitely is a good time to sell but a terrible time to buy. So would you be happy to stay in NMs flat for the foreseeable? How much work do you think you can do to the house to get a decent return? 

Definitely make the decision on your terms in regard to the house. Don't be swayed by your sister. She's not in a position to be telling you what to do. Why is it not a good time for her to receive the cash? The other option is stay for one year or two? 

Great work on all the veg in your dinners. I'm sure he's very happy to be getting all these healthy meals xxxx