taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

Kitten868

Grief never looks like how you think it should. I can totally understand you feel sad to have not been there those last days. But you couldn't be there and you were there every other day the whole time. You did the best job looking after your mum. 

I'm glad you did something nice. Allow yourself what ever you need to do. There isn't a right way to grieve xxxx

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder you will be missing her.  It's a tribute to all the love and care you showed and you should be very proud of that.  Might it be worth having a plan to do something kind for yourself at least once a day? Doesn't have to be big or flashy.  You have an adoring public here all rooting for you.   Love Humdinger xx

efes_shareholder

thanks guys , im just having a few days

in other news £50 win on the PB

Kitten868

Maybe it can go on a trip to the pub? Or a meal out? Something nice. Maybe some nice trainers.

Take all the time you need x

Buffythedebtslayer

Sending you love Efes Xxxx 

efes_shareholder

i've popped the win in to savings.

today i have a local agent coming to give me an idea on the value of the house and then the celebrant is coming.
still back and forth on the perfect song , there are so many.

this weekend im having a shopping day with my daughters , something we used to do a lot. its difficult to co ordinate as we are all in different locations , I may also talk NM in to going to the market on saturday.

rebooked my appt with the hysterectomy guy too.

i've never felt so tired , i'm wondering if the last 12 years have put me to the point of exhaustion 

efes_shareholder

today im shattered
the celebrant came and me and my sister drank wine til far to late , infact half way through the night on a school night.
i dont know how ive managed to work !!

had the house valued on the sly , just wanted to prepare myself - told easily achieve maybe more , this scuppers my plans really , i need other figures but it would leave me around 30k to completely renovate and furnish the house , im not sure its o able without a struggle.
Maybe i need to drop the sentiment and i probably need to take advise.
I can buy a very nice 3 bed with parking in the town I work for around 350k which would mean smaller mortgage and nice sum in the bank , perhaps not being quite the slave to the repayments and able to enjoy life too.

the debts should all be gone this month and then I just need to squirrel away as much money as possible

Kitten868

I think its a really hard choice. If you want to keep your mums house I would go for it. You could always change your mind later that way round. I know its tighter but it is possible. If you want to get a new place then go for that. But I would base it on what you want to do rather than the financials. I know they matter too but you have to do what you want to do with situations like this.

Any chance your sister wants the house? 

I also think its OK not to make these decisions too fast. I know the equity needs paying but I'm sure you get some time frame to work things out xxx

efes_shareholder

My sister can’t afford to keep the house , we have a year to pay the equity once we get a figure but the interest will continue to be added until it’s settled

I’m not sure what I want is achievable 
I’d like to keep the house and have it how I want it , although it’s achievable I’ll have to make compromises , I don’t mind making a few but after 11 years I feel like I deserve it to be near perfect and I’m not sure it will be. 

That said I can always change things if keeping the house doesn’t make me happy.
I can’t change anything if we just sell 

enthusiasticsaver

I think it is difficult for you to take an objective view but probably trying to take the emotion out of your decision is sensible even if it means taking your time. You have had a difficult time living there not only because of your mums illness but because it was never really your home. If you had no connection to the house would you want to buy it? £30k sounds like a lot but if it needs new kitchen, windows, bathrooms it doesn’t go far unless you compromise and do it bit by bit.