taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Thank you all
last night I felt quite sad that when mum left today she would never come home and wondered if we had been hasty as I looked at her blissfully sleeping with the syringe pump in place 
then she woke at 9.30 and it went off again until the nurses arrived and started again at 5.30 this morning 
I was then in no doubt that the hospice is 100 per cent the right place to be
it looked shaky as she had a temp when the ambulance arrived but she is now settled in a lovely courtyard room and we are filling the visitor spots up firstly to the grandchildren 
typically today my symptons have started , nothing too terrible just constant runny nose and head cold and not much energy 

it feels very unusual being home with no mum , my sister said the staff are lovely , there is a menu and there is reclining chair to sit in 
she says they aren’t checking tests , just asking if you have taken one , at the minute there is no urgency so I’ll let the grandchildren visit ( both my son and my nephew have 3 hour journeys) and let my symptons subside And hopefully there is time to visit once I’m negative
if there isn’t then I’ll make a call and potentially gown and mask up as everyone else is , if boris can have a party and end isolation next month don’t expect me to stay away when it’s more important then ever I’m there 
what’s most important right now is that she is the best possible place , we are extremely fortunate as there are less then 10 beds in the hospice.
the hospice covers such a large geographical area that there will be families struggling who don’t have access to this so will never forget how fortunate we are.
we have done our very best but mums needs far exceed what community care can offer right now 

Kitten868

Sounds like you're very lucky with the hospice you've gotten. It sounds like a nice one. 

To be honest I'm certain you've given her the best possible care for much longer than anyone else could have. You're a wonderful daughter. Your mum has been blessed to have you in such circumstances.

I think your body knows it's allowed to be ill now. Or it's trying to flush it out quickly for you. 

I hope you get your negative lateral flows ASAP. 

Please look after yourself. Don't try and do anything at home. Rest. Exhaustion and rest is the biggest common thread with all this xxx

efes_shareholder

I don’t know what the hospice is like , I haven’t been but my sister is full of their praises , all 3 of my children have been today , my eldest nephew is going tomorrow , my nieces went yesterday , that’s everyone in which is important and then we can extend out to cousins , mums siblings etc
we aren’t taking my youngest nephew in , he doesn’t need to have his perception of death being peaceful shattered

ive struggled today , no inclination , no motivation but a feeling that I need to do things , attempted to tidy up but got upset knowing that things I was folding and putting away mum would never need again.
you work and struggle through your lifetime and for what , for all this material stuff to either be donated or disposed off. I donated some lady pants to one of our carers who has been checking in on mum , she’s said to me many times about a lady whose family do nothing and she’s had to go to the shops during her shift to get them for her etc , suggested she take them and have them in her car for emergencies so there are no last minute dashes , she had a doorstep chat and said all the ladies are asking after mum and were willing to continue when she had covid but protocol steps in , I made sure she knew how amazing they were , how grateful we are and how fond of them mum is , I think the fondness is mutual 
I feel guilty for the times my patience has been thin , I feel bad for feeling so restricted and after such a valiant campaign against this cancer the realisation that the end is near and all I will have is memories is so very apparant
the agitation is still very apparent in the hospice , she’s a warrior no doubt about it and it just says that the hospice is by far the right choice , we are so very fortunate that it’s been available , I’ve slated our support but when it matters they have come up trumps 
covid symptons have pretty much gone so please pray for a negative LFT very soon 

enthusiasticsaver

No one could have done any more for their mum than you. Most of us have had to resort to hospice or nursing care at the end for our loved ones as they need expert care and pain management. I hope you get a negative LFT soon so you get to say a final goodbye to your mum.

lucielle

I think you've done amazingly well under incredibly difficult circumstances.  I too hope you get a negative test.
L

efes_shareholder

Mum passed in the early hours of this morning 
my sister and I were at the hospice within 25 minutes of the call to come but she didn’t want us there and passed peacefully 5 minutes before we arrived x 

the_end_of_the_rainbow

So sorry to hear this. Take care x

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry to hear your mum has died. Take care and give yourself the space to grieve. 

Legs21

Sorry for your loss 💔

Kitten868

Sorry for your loss xxx