taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

day 3 of feeling cursed by being a  women. I really do feel like I've had the stuffing knocked out of me but hey ho hopefully turn the corner with this one soon. 

payday in 2 days , current account sitting at £106.00 which is technically £56 as I didnt move the bonds win in to my savings as I knew the month would be tight but still a credit is a credit , maybe if I hadn't been so takeaway/pub friendly it would have been more but its been a bit of a month on the personal life front and sometimes these little treats are just needed. 
Still pondering how to approach the remaining debt , the funds do exist to clear it but I'm being stubborn with myself and feel I won't learn a lesson unless it goes from my salary and not what I've accumulated from the house and saving.

Mums not great again , the sickness is back and she doesn't want to eat. after the error with the meds , we reverted back to how it should be as the dr didnt sent anymore of the meds given in error and the two shouldn't be combined but it looks likely that the ommited medication was the most effective. Will have to get back on to macmillan today and get some advice. She is coughing alot and says she feels breathless , these signs have in the past been anxiety which is fully understandable in the circumstances. I'm noticing lots of small changes , that causes me anxiety but I can only do my best. 

efes_shareholder

Works been manic 
Homes been concerning 
Mums sickness still not great and shes complaining of feeling short of breath again , she doesn't look well
Called our nurse who suspected a chest infection so had to call doctor.
Drs didn't come out and diagnosed over the phone and prescribed antibiotics
Bit annoyed that being a cancer patient with suspected infection doesn't warrant a housecall......... never mind.
Hopefully we will turn a corner but she looks so tiny and frail compared to how she once was I can help think the corner we turn may not be the one we would like , as always time will tell.
Its just so difficult to juggle when work is demanding and mums having a bad time.
Its not helped this week by my boss being on annual  leave and some of his stuff coming my way , its all high value stuff too so no room for error.
I planned to go shopping for freezer stuff tomorrow but its not urgent and I cant be bothered so I've taken myself to bed with a gin and tonic.
Haven't spent any money , my joint online order arrived and I've got a lovely comfie towelling two piece , its so nice I want to buy more but I really must not.
Its the sort of thing perfect for the balcony after a shower on holiday but off course I'm not going anywhere.
Feeling a bit sorry for myself and forgotten tonight , not sure why 

efes_shareholder

so this morning i was up early so went to tesco to replace our non delivered food ,when i got back mum was awake and still didnt look great , she was tearful and upset that she couldnt manage the most basic tasks , the carer was running late so she got impatient and i ended up doing her morning wash and getting her dressed.
Mid morning the dr called and said that mums potassium levels from y'days blood test had come back worryingly low , we had a choice between going in to A&E for an infusion or starting supplements , asked his professional option on best option and he said that he felt the infusion was essential. Had to relay chat to mum as the speaker function on my phone has packed up ( more on that lately) and didnt think she would agree to go as she doesn't usually but she must be feeling terrible and agreed straight away.
fast forward a few hours and an ambulance arrived and mum went off on her travels with an overnight bag just in case and a packed lunch !!
As its virtually impossible for me to take time off this week , she went alone ( they wouldnt let me travel with her anyway) and my sister went over when she finished work.
Shes being kept in as the infusion can't be given in a matter of hours and they are concerned that her other symptons are fluids on her lungs so she is getting a full MOT 
Im thankful the GP suggested she go but also annoyed he didnt visit yesterday.
My instincts tell me this is the turn of events we have both been dreading and expecting.

I came over to NM's as I had always planned too , cooked us some dinner ( sea bass , new potatoes and roasted med veg) and now hes gone to work. I've since popped to B&M for some vape fluid , bathroom cleaner and oh maybe some naughty milka chocolate. Since I've been back I've washed up , mopped the floors and thoroughly cleaned the bathroom because its been annoying me. I'm sweating buckets and really need to learn to JUST RELAX. I've got some Vino and after Emmerdale I'm going to have a lovely soak with my glass!!

back to the phone , my speaker has stopped working , not the end of the world but I can't put the health professionals on speaker or have video chats which I value with my dad in spain. Its not the end of the world at the moment but i need to resolve it.
Takes me back to my iphone want , I want one , I dont want to pay for one. I want the most up to date one so its tech lasts longer but I don't want a contract. I dont want to spend £600 on one but I also dont want a different phone

lucielle

Sending hugs.
L

Humdinger1

@efes_shareholder hugs from here too.  You are doing a fab job.  Love Humdinger xx

cafelady

Hi there. Just delurking to say I’m sorry your mum is so poorly and that things are hard for you at the moment. 

Also, re: the phone, I prefer to buy outright rather than on contract and always buy refurbished ones from Music Magpie and have been happy with them. Might be worth you having a look?

Hope you’re ok xx

efes_shareholder

Mum is still om hospital 
Shes in a room by herself as they had a covid case on the ward
Basically shes isolating but they did let me in to visit after explaining the risk and that she had was at risk of covid
I told the nurse my mum was in hospital with a terminal illness and id come to see her so I'd wear my mask and wash my hands and take my risks.
I need to get home ASAP but her potassium levels aren't rising despite the infusions 

On phone news , mine is getting worse.
Any kind of speaker call does not work and normal calls are hit and miss.
Went to costco today , firstly to fill the car as much cheaper and also  they are cheapest for iPhone
They didn't have the 64gb I wanted but the guy checked the display model and it was a 64gb 
I asked if I could buy the display model at a discount and he went off to talk to the manager .......basically instead of 669 I paid 498 for a sim only device 
Happy with that , ill take it from wage and cover any shortfall from my savings and then pay myself back 
I've been staying at NM since mum went in to hospital , hes at work tonight but tomorrow we are off on a party boat so I had a 1wpound spend in aldi for a bottle of wine tonight and things for a full English before we set off tomorrow
Going to take a hip flask of gin to keep costs down too 

efes_shareholder

just to dump my thoughts , hospital called this morning to say mum had fallen.
Incredibly annoyed as i asked them on saturday to provide her with a walking frame and they refused and said they had to be given by the physio on a monday !! she has used one at home for 6 months she hardly needs lessons. 
Mum then called incredibly upset and said the staff were horrible and treating her like a nuisance and she wanted to come home.
She needs a ct scan after the fall so i'm waiting for the dr to call.
I've told the nurse who called me this morning to start a discharge plan as she has been there 4 days and had a fall and been put at risk of covid , none of which has happened in the last 5 months at home whilst she has been under mine and my sisters care.
I've an appt to visit at 6 , I am not happy

Kitten868

Training to use a walker?! To be safer? I don't understand their logic. What a stress for you. And NM is working the whole time too. 

Despite their short comings they are getting her infusion sorted and you've seen that you can't be seen at home. I hope she gets the right support while she's there (mad logic aside). Try to wait for the CT scan? 

You have totally lost yourself. And you won't be the same again. However, you will get lots of you back. And you will enjoy things more. You will get you back xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Efes, am catching up slowly. The fall must be so worrying on top of everything else. I hope the visit was reassuring. I am sending you love, and your mum too XXXX