Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

f0xh0les

Good luck!!

Boo to it being cancelled, yay to it being rescheduled for today.

If nothing else, you can give them the lurgy .

Now you will be immune, and have got it out of the way before the holidays.

DawnW

Hope it went ok at the solicitor's CCL.

crazy_cat_lady

Well, I packed myself up with Sudafed and went off to the appointment. I have to be honest, it was a bit disappointing to hear my options which are basically:
1. Wait and see if he sees the light and signs the forms.
2. Wait, and sort the finances at a later date.
3. Contact a mediator and get ready for court. I asked about costs and he said approx. £5k if it's straightforward, which is an awful lot of money to get rid of him...
However, my solicitor has said that he has plenty evidence of ex completely ignoring me, plus his initial agreement then subsequent disappearance, plus his behaviour with the kids all stands me in good stead if it gets to court and the likelihood is that my ex will end up owing me money rather than me having to buy him out - and I should still get the house.
I discussed my concerns again about his 'legal entitlement' to the house as he's on the deeds and him turning up, and have been reassured that we can get an occupation order if need be, but just to call the police if he turns up. As they've already been to the house once before and we've been flagged up as potential domestic abuse (which still makes me want to cry when I think about it) then there will be no issues here. However the house will need to be sorted at some point so the costs associated will arrive sooner or later. I'd rather get them out of the way.
My solicitor also told me again that I should be looking into child maintenance as I haven't received a penny from him on that front. So I decided to bite the bullet and ring them once I'd picked ds up from school. It was interesting to hear the advice line telling me that if he wants to keep an interest in the house he should still be paying half of the mortgage. Anyway, on their advice they put me through to the official line where I've set up a legal claim. I do feel like a moo about the whole thing as he's financially much worse off than I am, but he should be paying what he can towards his kids. And he hasn't bothered so far, and I've made the decision that I'm going to fight for everything I can now. I'm done being accommodating about the whole thing, and done trying to be friends.
The good news is that the divorce cannot be stopped now, and apparently the decree absolute only takes a week or so after application so the countdown is on :T I still cry lots, but not for him - I have just about lost all sympathy and respect for him in every single way.
Other than that, all is quiet. I was over an hour on the phone, then had some toast and am praying I can hang onto it. I've already decided not to go to work tomorrow so I've set my cover and just need to ring in the morning. Now I'm thinking about heading off to bed because I'm shattered.

beanielou

Take care xx

Chrystal

just to say I'm thinking about you.
Hope you feel better tomorrow. (((hugs)))

Honeysucklelou2

Well done for getting through that meeting while suffering such a horrible bug. Pupils can be so generous with their ailments!

I've had mediation suggested to me but it has a cost element which, if I have understood it correctly, is supposed to be borne by both parties. It's not a route I've tried yet but I think if you try it but the ex doesn't cooperate or attend, it is then seen by the court that you have tried to sort things out.

f0xh0les

Well done.

You have found out your options. You are arming yourself with information.

I cannot believe he has not paid a penny for 2 kids or anything toward the house.
wow. just wow! I mean compeletely WOW!

Take your day, get well, then when you go back you know it is only 15 teaching days until holidays. A vomiting teacher is not a good look, whatever the subject they teach....

SpekySquarehead

Good on you for going and having a renewed determination to see it all through.

Parts of it, naturarly, are going to be painful as you would never had imagined being in this position when you got married. As you've highlighted though, he's been given so many chances to make the process easier for you both, and he hasn't, which is showing no respect to you or the kids for that matter. Ultimately, with that in mind, you're quite right to not hold back.

I hope you feel better soon CCL and manage to enjoy some of your weekend. Take care x

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :hello:
Well the good news is that the sickness and diarrhoea has gone, but I'm still completely loaded with cold. I didn't sleep well last night at all due to my snotty nose and busy brain so I'm pleased that I'm not in at work today. I feel a bit better physically but certainly nowhere near good enough for a 5 lesson day.
I dropped ds off at school and came home via Mr S for essentials as it's shopping day - I was in and out in half an hour but we have enough food in to manage for the weekend. Also got some ingredients for Christmas baking but that is definitely not happening today. I'm ready for a nap now.
Got a call back from a mediator this morning and have an appointment for next Thursday night. :T I am a fixer and I feel very useful knowing that things are still progressing. It does cost a fortune HSL, but it's a requirement before we are allowed to go to court. The process is that we're each supposed to have an initial meeting separately with the mediator to discuss our situation (£110 each) and then mediation is expected to take 2-3 sessions at £200 each per session. I have briefly discussed the situation with her over the phone and explained the almost certainty that ex will not engage. She says that she is writing to him today and that if he has not responded then on Thursday at my appointment she will give me the form that says he will not engage and I'll be allowed to get on with court proceedings.
He is in for a heck of a shock over the next couple of weeks - decree nisi will be arriving any day, plus the child maintenance stuff, plus the mediation request. Unless of course he is still reading on here (which he has done in the past) - in which case I hope he realises how s h ! t t y he is being to his children and signs the forms before the fight gets very nasty.
Right. I will be back later - I need to close my eyes for a bit now as I feel really rubbish again. Thank you all for your kind words - I really appreciate all of the support.

beanielou

Hope you feel better really soon.