Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

beanielou

Hope that the mediation goes as well as it can do.

crazy_cat_lady

Mediation meeting done, and another box ticked. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be but it was quite emotionally draining. I got quite tearful more than once and am quite drained now if I'm being honest. However, on her advice, ex will not see the kids for more than a couple of hours at a time until he's not drinking (I was already at that point to be fair), and she also suggested I get some emotional support for myself, so I've left a message and am waiting for a call back from someone. I'm prepared to do whatever I need to do to get this sorted as quickly as possible. She said she is going to try and contact ex but doesn't expect him to engage with mediation, but will let me know by the end of the week.
As I'd spent £110 on that little meeting, I decided I might as well keep going and I filled the car up with petrol, and popped to an outlet shop for some bargain chocolate for the kids stocking fillers. Nothing unplanned though so I'm fine with that. Didn't get anywhere to get my coffee so I just had a cup of tea once I was home.
Now I'm just trying to relax a bit and get myself an early night ready to get back to work tomorrow. I haven't done any planning or preparation at all so I'm completely blagging it until I get a chance to catch up.

beanielou

Glad it wasent as bad as you thought but can totally understand it be emotionally draining.

SpekySquarehead

That's good that it wasn't too painful. You sound like your filled with a steely determination. I like it, keep it up!!

crazy_cat_lady

Ugh. I have no idea why I was so keen on getting back to work. I'd forgotten how vile the kids are at the moment, and there's still more than a fortnight to go, with no Christmassy stuff planned at all - so full pelt into the hols with all the usual homework, exams and assessments. Plus it's Y11 parents evening tomorrow night as well so a late finish.
I was quite excited to get back to work and into the land of normality after all the divorce stuff, however I had to get through the return to work interview with a woman I can barely stand to be in the same room as. In her usual tactless way she put me onto attendance monitoring because this is my third period of absence in a year (one when I kicked ex out, one when I had a sleep free night and this one) which set my anxiety off and started me crying and panicking. Great start. At least I told her to her face that I had been looking forward to coming back to work and now I just wanted to get in my car and go back home.
On the other hand, it was lovely to see my work mates again and catch up with them and be doing stuff that wasn't divorce related. I got my call back last night which was a bit of an eye opener. The lady was really lovely and I have been referred to attend a programme all about understanding and recognising different types of abusive behaviour. I missed my call back today as I was teaching at the time but I'll call during my free tomorrow. I think it's going to take me a while to properly process the fact that I've been subjected to silent defiance over a very long period of time, and to pick myself up and get on with life properly. But hopefully speaking to people who are experts in this sort of thing will be helpful.
Right, I think I'm going to get on and do a bit of crochet now. I'm 3 days behind with my advent calendar :eek:

SpekySquarehead

Morning CCL,

Hopefully getting back into the normal routine will help, albeit those pesky kids might not be the ideal prescription!!

crazy_cat_lady

Still 3 days behind with my advent calendar. I did 1 thing last night but there's no way I'm doing anything tonight other than going to bed. It feels like a cop out as I've only been home for less than an hour but I am shattered. Full teaching day followed by parents evening. Thankfully I survived the kids better today, and parents evening also ran on time and was fine, but I am not 100% better. My chest rattles when I breathe and I feel like I want to take a big deep breath in but I can't. So whilst I'm not ill enough to be off work I'm not really well enough to be doing a top notch job. But everyone there is a bit run down at the moment and counting down the days to the hols. 8 weeks is too long for a half term running into Christmas.
Tried to call back the people on the advice line again today but we keep missing each other - no big deal. I got everything else on my to do list ticked off though.
Not a massive amount of money saving as my finances are too tight to be doing much about it at the moment - really hoping that this situation won't go on for too much longer because it's starting to keep me awake at night like before when I was in loads of debt. I have done everything I can though to keep things moving so I will just have to keep waiting I suppose. I wish I was a bit more patient than I am. It takes me ages to make a decision, but when I do, I just want it done and sorted and over. We are coming up to the 8 month mark now. Everyone says this is quick. And it probably is in the grand scheme of things, but if you decide to do something and 8 months later you're almost 5 grand poorer and no further forward then it becomes very frustrating. Ah well...
Got home to a Christmas card from ex's uncles, with a cheque in for the kids. I'm really pleased that they've stayed in touch - must make sure I get off my bum and send them a card sooner rather than later. I've decided to bank the cheque for holiday spends for them. We are away a few weeks after Christmas and it will be nice for them to have a bit of spending money.

SpekySquarehead

That's very nice of ex's uncle. Another obvious sign that there is no doubt that you're in the right and are very capable and trustworthy - unlike ex.

I can sympathise with your frustration over the time it takes too. If everyone is saying that its being processed quick, then it's worth being grateful that it's not long, which would be even more dough out your pocket.

crazy_cat_lady

Hello :hello:
Gawd, what a grump I am tonight. I can barely believe the mood I've been in all day - woke up at half three, couldn't get back to sleep, didn't want to go to work etc. As I keep saying, it's not a pleasant place there at the moment and I'm not getting much enjoyment from my job. It's a case of survival rather than being good at anything. Slowly staggering towards the finish line - shame it's a 21st December finish line though The lady that works in the classroom next door to me has been in a bad mood for weeks. I tend to christen myself as the mood hoover, but it's definitely not me at the moment. So much so, when I went to see my head of department today about how I was feeling he told me that he thinks I'm soaking up the mood from her... Who knows. I just know that I've never struggled this much to get a class to settle quietly and do what they're asked to do, and it gets a bit demotivating after a while. But we're all tired and just trying to make our way to the end of the year.
So I'm tired again tonight and have zero motivation to do anything. Got home, had a bar of chocolate for tea, sitting here and thinking I should be working but I just want to sleep... not great really. And me and the advice line missed each other again. And I've just remembered that I didn't call them back so I'll send them a text in a minute.
My bottles have arrived for bottling my plum and blackberry gin, so I need to give them a good clean and think about bottling very soon. Will put that on my weekend jobs list I think.
Have also booked an online grocery delivery for this weekend as I can't ever imagine having the oomph to go to the shops in December. Also doing some practise baking this weekend as well
Other than that, all is quiet.

Buffythedebtslayer

I haven't been keeping up CCL XX Sorry, just wanted to say my place is shocking at the moment, the SLT do sod all and we are all going slowly mental.

We just get through and regroup. XXXXXXX