Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

triple_choc_chip

Hi CCL, I’m no expert but always thought the same when reading your diary - the more you did, the less he did. When you did the housework he stayed in bed, when you went to bed he went downstairs, when challenged he disappeared for days which caused you to worry and centre him in your thoughts. When you worked overtime/marking etc., he stopped work, which negated a positive financial gain for you. I read how his actions dented your ego, confidence and drained chances of joy or reward or togetherness. I think you battled on for so long because you’re not a quitter and you anticipated the failure of your marriage would harm your mental health.
You didn’t fail, he did, time and time again. You are strong and caring, patient and forgiving and getting to peak frustration took longer than it would for most of us subscribers. Never doubt you made the right decision, it would never have got better and most probably would have gotten worse.
TTC

beanielou

f0xh0les wrote: »

Don't ever fall into the trap of thinking that because you are a kind, caring , nurturing human being that it is a weakness.

He was manipulative.

You are right, you are a strong person. You were keeping your family together. You were making things work. You were making allowances and making your family dynamic work to the best of your abilities. You held this together. While holding down a full time job and juggling 2 kids. While someone else was working against you.

- So, no more talk of 'falling for it' - he is manipulative, that is on him.

Hindsight is 20/20. No beating yourself up about it please.


Hmm - are crochet voodoo dolls even a thing?

This.From mme too.

Honeysucklelou2

It does take time and courage to process the acceptance of what has happened. I had friends in RL who could see what was happening to me and tried to tell me but one incident left me shaken and I ended up calling the National Domestic Abuse Helpline who were absolutely amazing. They let me talk through what life was like and confirmed my suspicions that the behaviour I'd put up with was abusive which of course, also confirmed my friend's thoughts. One thing I realised was that DA can exist in various forms including financial. Another friend has recommended a support group, that helps people to regain self esteem and confidence, after coming through such situations. Unfortunately the group I know of is a local one, but might be worth looking in your area to see if such a group exists?

crazy_cat_lady

Thank you so much for the support and the kind words (which may have brought a little tear to my eye). If I'm being completely honest, I'm embarrassed and ashamed about it and very uncomfortable looking at it that way. Partly because I still want to see him as a decent bloke, even though he keeps proving he's not. It's certainly going to take a lot of processing, but at the moment I just want to fight him for everything I can get for me and the kids, and get him as far out of my life as I can, for good.
So, I made it to tutoring today and earned myself a bit more money. Definitely need every extra penny I can to throw towards the mediation and solicitor bills. Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean I'm going to pause anything. Got home, finished the washing and made a big corned beef and potato pie, which we all love. Didn't see any other adults, but I did ring my mam for a good chat this afternoon, which has helped my mood a bit. Then I've spent the rest of the afternoon/evening with the kids, relaxing, watching telly, helping with homework and doing a bit of crochet. It has been lovely.
I'm also lucky enough to have a day off work tomorrow - it's our 'shopping day'. Now before anyone gets the hump about how much time teachers have off school - this is the time we get for doing evening training sessions every Wednesday, and it is much needed because I know I definitely will be well enough to go back to work on Tuesday. I intend to get a bit of present wrapping done while the kids are at school.
Thanks again people - my brain is a bit muddled at the moment but I appreciate having a space to write stuff down and the reassurance from you all.

beanielou

Happy shopping day :A

crazy_cat_lady

Morning :coffee:
Thank goodness I don't have work today - I've been awake since just before 5am. The worst of the cold appears to be over and I'll definitely be going back to work tomorrow but today will be about relaxing. Just about to take ds to school, and then I'm planning to get a good start on some gift wrapping because that takes longer than you would expect.
Other than that I need to go through my December budget and try to resist all temptation with shopping (I really, really want a nice coffee - but I have enough points to buy myself one without paying I think).
OK, I'll check in later - time to face the traffic.

f0xh0les

Maybe a chat on one of the helplines mentioned above would help.

Might reassure you that you did nothing 'wrong' and there is no guilt, survivor guilt, or otherwise necessary.

Hugs

Keep the cats off the wrapping paper! Mine used to love hiding in and under it, and then grabbing your hand when you went for the sellotape.

SpekySquarehead

Glad you're feeling a bit more yourself CCL, and perhaps a free good coffee will help.

crazy_cat_lady

My mediation appointment has been brought forward to this afternoon.
Panic, stress, panic etc.
So definitely not a nsd as this little jaunt will be setting me back over £100. However, it is all for the greater good.

1LuckyLady

Hope it goes as well as it can CCL.