Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

f0xh0les

It must be so frustrating for you. I can only sympathise.

It is no longer the 1800s and he cannot stop you from divorcing him.
Thank all the gods that ship has sailed.
It is just a question of time now.

https://www.ellisjones.co.uk/blog/article/what-to-do-when-your-spouse-refuses-to-sign-the-divorce-papers

crazy_cat_lady

The divorce papers are signed f0xh0les - nothing is stopping that from happening. By early January I will officially be divorced and at least I can say that. The finances are dealt with separately and that is where he is dragging his feet. I have thought about trying to get someone to help him - I don't want it to be me... but I don't know who else it can be. Another payday has ticked by and already every single penny has been accounted for. And that's before I mention the letter I got today from the tax man telling me that I underpaid almost £500 in tax last year... :mad: No news from my solicitor today at all, but it is payday - the budget is done and I will need to bring in an extra £100 from somewhere this month just to make ends meet. Thankfully, there is tutoring and exam work - I just hate that I can be earning so much money on paper and have absolutely nothing to show for it. But I keep telling myself it's a short term thing - although this is the fourth month I've been saying that now.
Another busy day at work - my head wasn't quite in the game really as far as today goes. I was a bit late getting into work, as I had to stop for petrol and ds had a bit of a funny turn in the car on the way in. I thought I was going to have to take him home - but I think it's actually anxiety related. He's been a bit 'off' since he saw his dad - has slept in with me every night since he got back so is obviously not right about the whole thing. Mind you I quite like the late tv in bed and cuddles with my handsome boy.
Meeting after work, then got home in time for Mr S delivering the big monthly shop while the kids went out Trick or Treating together. Still using up lots of leftovers for me, so making sure the kids have what they need and trying to save money (again). Finally got to sit down just before 7pm and I feel really tired. The work situation is quite stressy and I'm starting to get the dreads about going in again at the moment. I'm not enjoying the huge classes and the poor behaviour from my Year 9's without a single day off from them. Wonder if it's the money thing just making me stress about everything.

beanielou

I just dont know what to suggest ~~sorry

f0xh0les

Ok, I get it now. Sorry about misunderstanding.

Grrr to the -ex.

At least you will be divorced.
The other stuff can be ironed out later.
This is one of those things you cannot control.

So sorry this is upsetting DS. and you too. What kind of person messes with kids heads like that?

In 12 months time, this will all just be a bad memory.
He is still controlling in his behaviour, he has realised doing nothing is more destructive than doing something.
At least you will never have any doubts that you are doing the right thing both for you and your kids.

Hugs.

GlendaSugarbean

You're doing such a great job with DS, supporting him while not pushing him to talk. He will get through this.

Re your ex, is there any way to put the solicitor and remortgage on hold for a few months? Not sure what the practicalities are there. They must be used to long periods of intransigence from exes. At least the divorce will go through whatever happens, and if the financial settlement goes to court then you will have some time to save for the costs maybe?

I just wonder if planning for the worst case scenario (court ordered settlement) might be more straightforward than relying on your ex to sign? I am completely ignorant of the legal situation however.

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :hello:
Naughty me - posting in from work. However, I am taking marking home with me tonight so I won't have time to get online. It's just a rearrangement of my time - I can't mark yet as the class haven't done the test, and I'm all prepped for the rest of the week so I thought I'd come on here.
Thanks all for your kind words and advice about the situation at home. All of my monthly payments have come out of my account today and I already want to cry looking at my bank balance. I don't think that there is a quick or easy way our of the situation if ex doesn't sign any time soon. The issue I have Glenda, is that the new mortgage payments are £200 a month less than the current mortgage payments, which are just bordering on unsustainable in terms of my quality of life. The extra £200 I would have in my pocket in the short term rather than paying off the mortgage would be much more appreciated.
The other issue I have is that the longer he's on the mortgage and the more I pay off then the more he's entitled to in the settlement. I don't want him suddenly deciding a few years down the line that he wants to settle, when I've been managing joint debt and assets on my own. Plus the solicitor gets a monthly payment whether I like it or not. Still no word from them this morning - I feel incredibly stuck.
In other news, ds went off to sleep in his own bed last night for the first time since the weekend. He stayed there until about 4am and then came in with me saying that he had woken up and couldn't get back to sleep. Bless him. At least he doesn't seem to be physically ill this morning.
Very few trick or treaters last night means that we have a glut of sweets in the house. I would have bought chocolate if I'd known as I love chocs but am less keen on sweets. Still, I like a swizzle lolly and there are a few of those around.
Don't think I have much else to report. Today will definitely be a nsd. Cupboards are full at home and I am skint so there's no need to be out spending.

beanielou

I split up in the JUne & took the mortgage over in the November in my sole name.
I know how hard it was. Luckily my ex DH wanted to buy another property & needed to be off the joint mortgage.
It was just dire at the time.
I still had to push him.

beanielou

So I think it is push push push sadly.

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :coffee:
I have a very unexpected day off work today, and a massive amount of guilt that goes with it. However, ds is poorly and not well enough for school today. Apart from the fact that I have nobody else to look after him, he's been so clingy since last weekend that I'm really not keen on leaving him. So, I've phoned in at work, given him some Calpol and he's gone back to bed. I'm secretly a bit pleased - not that he's ill, but for the day off, because I was awake for ages during the night worrying about money (again) so I feel a bit tired this morning myself.
I don't have any plans at all - it's all a case of playing by ear at the moment to see what's what. I'm going to spend a bit of time looking through my Jack Monroe books to find some frugal and easy recipes to get me through the month ahead. I suspect the rest of it will be snuggling under a blanket and watching films with ds.

f0xh0les

Can I ask a silly question?

Have you spoken to your mortgage company and maybe asked if they would consider an interest only / payment holiday arr angement for a few months? Due to your personal circumstances and DH's mental health issues. It might be worth a try, and even one month's break might be enough to sort you out with a bit of a buffer.

It is one of the reasons that I am such a nut about overpaying mine. - just the whole 'just in case' or 'what if' scenarios. Even if I was only a month in hand, then they would not have a problem with a payment holiday, iyswim.

So annoying about DH and his inability to sign, because you know when you come to remortgage, you are going to end up with a month with no mortgage payment taken, as it always takes them a month to reorganise everything, which would probably be enough to sort you out anyway.