Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

trix-a-belle

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

I think that my solicitor wants to try and present an argument to the judge about the impact that this is having on me financially and mentally so we need to get some sort of statement sorted.

totally agree with this ^ plan of action CCL, you have the clear evidence it is having on you in your posts here
what has dog the bounty hunter been doing? given your ex definitely has a council flat and regular social media access, its not like hes in another country with no technology

great news that you've seen your bestie today for a proper catch up and adult decompress today. you're better than me getting out for a walk, i've vegged most of the day with a book and now watching strictly

f0xh0les

As he is in contact with your kids, and can be proven to be so, have you sent the court dates on their phones too? You could say it was for an access agreement, and even if he is ignoring you, he is not ignoring them and so he is in contempt of court (and everyone here as well). Have you set the CSA on him recently? bet they could jolly well get an address out of the system. Wonder if he has a social worker assigned to him as a 'vulnerable adult' ? They probably would not tell you anyway. I simply cannot understand why the court cannot talk to the social services and frog march him to attend. I almost wish he would get himself arrested again so you could nip down to the station with the papers and leave him there with witnesses you have served him.

It must be so hard not to ask the judge how much more you are supposed to do and what more they would advise you to do?
I mean, you cannot move, you cannot sell the house, you couldn't rent it should you want to, you can't remortgage to a better deal. It is still controlling behaviour and he is still doing your head in.

With all that going on, and you adulting, and looking after the kids, and working, and ofsted, you know, you are doing a pretty damn fine job, from where I am sitting. Sorry you are feeling carp. Do you have anything planned for October half term yet?

Buffythedebtslayer

When Foxholes puts down in writing all the rubbish you are juggling, you are doing bloody marvellously CCL. So glad the worry of OFSTEd is over for you. What's done is done. At least work will just be (!!!!!!) work now.

I hope you have a restful sunday and appreciate how strong you are and how much we love you.

XXXX

crazy_cat_lady

Hello :wave:
Well I am a very tired bunny today. Those of you that know me irl will know now that I lost my temper with ex last night, and shared one of his posts fakeb00k. 18 months down the line he's still having a go and blaming me for everything. It hurt - along with the emotionally abusive message he sent to dd saying that he would explain everything 'when she was older'. He hasn't seemed to grasp the concept that she doesn't want to see him any more but won't listen to me. Anyway, I tried another private fb message to try and convince him to cough up an address - went for what I thought was a reasonable approach and he replied with a barrage of abuse about me and the endless lies I've told and how I wished that he would fail and then I got my wish, and how my mother has never liked me, and my sister is a s l a g. Followed by a sentence of telling me I'm a good mother. As it was late Saturday evening I can only presume he was drunk - so I got the drunk response rather than the no response I get when he's sober.
So I photographed the post he'd put on fb publicly which said that I'd complained for 16 years about being fat and ugly and how he'd never said a word or judged because he was so nice, but couldn't understand why I didn't do anything about it like eat well and exercise, and how he'd bitten his tongue and wasted 16 years of potential relationships on me. And I put it on my wall with a brief statement about knowing that it's not appropriate for fb but I deserved my right to reply and stating about the lack of support, the fact that he ran away and hasn't contacted his kids for months. I got a lot of support, and a lot of people telling me to block him. I know I should but I really don't want to close off the last avenue of contact that I have, just in case. He still knows exactly how to hurt me and what things will upset me the most. I felt very overwhelmed with the support that I got from my own friends... but it still hurts that he continues to blame me, verbally abuse me and emotionally manipulate dd.
Obviously I didn't sleep well so I'm a bit rough today - but I had to get up and go to my first tutoring session of this school year this morning, and after that I'd arranged to take the kids out (although I admit that I didn't feel like it at all). It was dd's birthday meal so we were off to the Metrocentre, and you can't go there without going to Primarni for new socks and sleepwear, which we did The kids fought most of the way round and I ended up bringing us home a bit earlier than we had planned because my head was hurting. I'm home now though, with a cup of tea and my feet up in front of the telly. Just need to finish the washing and get ready for school tomorrow. I've tidied up a bit but can't be bothered to hoover - but my cleaner will be here at some point during the day tomorrow so it'll be sorted by this time tomorrow night. The wander round the shops has sorted mine and ds time out and about for the day and I am certainly hoping to sleep better tonight. All that is left is to have a shower a bit later on and hopefully be in bed by 10 at the latest.
Oh, and by the way f0xh0les - the council and child maintenance will have an address for him, but I'm not allowed to have it. Data protection laws. I have said more than once to my solicitor though that if the court are that keen to know then they can issue an order to get his address so that we can serve the papers. I think that's something else that we need to sort out when I have my next appointment.

Suffolksue

Hi ,de lurking to say I've pm'd a thought
Keep your chin up

SpekySquarehead

You've not blocked him on FB, "just in case".

Just in case what? From what I read, I don't think he's going to have a change of heart on the way he treats people any time soon.

Look after yourself CCL. Easier said than done, I know. Get some rest where possible.

crazy_cat_lady

It's a just in case for dd more than anything else. She doesn't want to block her dad, and I don't want her to be the only way he can get at me when he wants to. I would rather he was sending me stuff like that than sending it all to her. I've thought about it lots - once I convince dd to block him then I will do the same.
I didn't sleep well last night. I got to sleep but woke up just before 2 to a text from a friend of mine who is (was) a pilot at Thomas Cook. So we chatted over text for a bit as I was awake. Took me ages to get back to sleep again and then I couldn't be bothered with getting up this morning... Dragged my backside into work (being grateful that I have a job to go to and all that) and straight into setting cover for someone who is on their second week of sick leave. That took up all of my free lesson and then I went straight into teaching for the rest of the day. Barely even had time to take a breath today and I felt like I was always playing catch up - then after school I got a call from an irate parent. One of those who thinks that the sun shines out of their child's backside. I was quite surprised at how assertive I was on the phone - I'm not normally that good with parental phone calls but I stuck to my point and think I came out of it ok. We'll see next time the precious offspring is in my lesson... Then I was running a chemistry session for the non specialists in my department - so that went on well after 4pm.
Got home just after 5 and my cleaner hadn't been as planned. She did let me know and hopefully she should be coming tomorrow, but ds was desperate for me to put the new fluffy bedding on the bed - so we did that together.
Since then I don't really know where my evening has gone - fixing laptop problems, dinner, shower, cats. It's suddenly bedtime and I'm shattered but I've still got jobs on the list.

f0xh0les

X is a twit whose masculinity is threatened by your strength. How dare you not fail abysmally without him. Did you not get the memo?

Oh well, he has shown his true colours, hasn't he. One of you is looking forward, and it is not him. You would not want to attract someone who would treat you like that, would you? He is toxic. Anyway, hope you get a good night's sleep and Dog gets on with his hunting. All will be well in the end.

crazy_cat_lady

So it seems as though my ex is still keeping up to date with things by reading my posts on here. It feels mighty unfair that he gets to follow the ups and downs of my life and I get to know nothing about his. Not that I want to know - genuinely - I want to move on with my life but I just need someone to find him as he's completely refusing to give me an address.
Anyway - he sent me another message last night. Still no offer of trying to sort things out, but this message was much more reasonable than the previous one. He thinks that I'm deliberately trying to twist things to make him to be much worse than he is. I don't feel as though I am, but it's very clear we have a completely different perspective on things. I obviously cannot see things from his point of view and he is certainly not able to see things from my point of view (that's not a further twisting of things from me if you're reading this). Whilst he may not have intended for his message to dd to be emotionally manipulative he has no control over how she has interpreted that message and what she's read into it based on her previous experience.
I am still very bothered that I'm being so open on here about my financial and emotional state and that he's sitting reading it, knowing that one text message to me could sort it all out and not doing it. I know that he hates me but I would have thought he'd like to be rid of me as soon as possible. Whether he's intending to cause me maximum damage on the way is anyone's guess - I'd like to think not but based on some of the stuff he's said to me over text I just don't know. I never intended to cause this much hurt - the house could have been signed over this time last year and we all could have been moving on much happier than we are. We're obviously both in a pretty bad place, still hurting each other and completely unable to move on (practically anyway - I'm desperately trying emotionally).
So I'm seriously considering whether I need to stop posting on here now because I don't like the idea of my every thought being read and analysed in my ex's way - regardless of what I intend.
Please people, I know there are lots more of you reading this and not just him - what should I do? I'm genuinely stuck. I'm a fixer of problems and I just cannot seem to fix myself. This is my outlet and place I can vent but now I need to think about what I'm posting? Or should I just carry on regardless, remind myself that he's choosing to read this and if he doesn't like it then tough?
And remember that he still won't give me an address to send a f***ing letter to whilst I'm paying hundreds for someone to try and find him?
How is it even fair that he still has so much control over me?

Suffolksue

For what it's worth I think you should continue if it helps you ( I think it does ) if he doesn't like what he sees ,then he can stop reading or become an adult and work to resolve it and then he can be clear of you .
if you are reading this ,then how about paying to support your children