Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

f0xh0les

I think the loan is a good idea. With it you can work out what your budget will be each month with your current household income. Once you know you are coping fine on what is coming in, then you can relax a little bit and you may feel a little bit calmer. The divorce is an expense, but it will get sorted eventually. You can't really lump it in with the monthly gas bill and the water rates, it is an extraordinary expense. Good luck and just keep swimming.

joeyjimbles

Heavens, you have been busy again.
And I agree that for you the loan seems the best solution. You will have a fixed amount going out like all the other bills and it will have an end date. And I hope that it won't be another source of stress - it really shouldn't be. I love the way someone else above suggested it was like taking out a personal development loan.
The list of items that you have paid for STBEXH is a good tool in your armour. Do make sure that you have all the official paperwork for each item squirreled away - even if it's only copies of your bank or card statements so that you have proof if/when the other side try to argue the toss. I've not been through this myself but my best friend got totally blindsided by her XH and he kept claiming that all the things she paid for were examples of her controlling him! Weasel. He walked out of their marriage with half the value of their house and her pension, doesn't pay anything for the kids and rarely sees them - broadly she still considers herself better off but the financial cost has been high. I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, I just don't want another to go through it.

crazy_cat_lady

Hey :hello:
I'm still not sleeping well... Perhaps I'm not active enough during the day - although I do keep quite busy at work. I woke up just before 5 this morning and so am struggling a bit now because I feel tired, but don't want to nap.
I've had a busier day than yesterday - did an hour of tutoring this morning then went to my mam's and had a lovely couple of hours with her and my sister. Was really nice to catch up with them both. I've been in about an hour and I've finished all my reading and note taking - just need to write everything up now.
Joey - I hope that the ex doesn't suddenly decide he wants a huge fight over the money. If so he can have half of the debt as well. Thankfully, I have proof of what I've given him, and witnesses in terms of the police etc when I paid for his b&b time. I don't think he will get nasty - he's genuinely not a malicious person. All of this that is happening now is because he's so overwhelmed with everything that's going on (I think) that he's trying to run away and hide from it. It makes the situation so much sadder because the frustration and anger I have is all down to the consequences of him avoiding everything. I am prepared to lose half of everything if I have to - obviously I would rather not but it will be a small price to pay in the long run. I just want it sorted now so I can keep moving on. I can't get myself into his mindset at all so I have no idea what will happen in the long run but I will just keep going as I always do - hope for the best and plan for the worst (as Jack Reacher says).

SpekySquarehead

Despite your urge for a nap, you seem enthusiastic, determined and positive again. Similair to the start of the year.

I hope you managed to get a better nights sleep last night, as that can make all the difference. Have you considered or tried sleeping tablets? My mum struggles with sleep and they work a treat for her but she only takes them as an absolute last resort given how addictive they can be.

joeyjimbles

There are herbal sleep preparations too aren't there? Might they be worth a shot?
And I do hope STBEXH remains un-malicious but just want you to protect yourself. I think it could well be true that he does owe half the debt too anyway but that's another subject altogether. I think your one foot in front of the other policy is admirable and the best way x

crazy_cat_lady

Unfortunately it was another poor night last night sleepwise - just less than 6 hours in total, in 4 separate stints. I hadn't thought about medicating myself but I might consider it, just in the short term. I can't think what it is that's stopping me from sleeping well - I don't feel that stressed, and I'm focussing hard on looking after myself this month.
Work is particularly troublesome - because I'm so tired, I end up in full grump mode - then I can't be bothered with the kids, or the politics, or all the stuff I'm expected to do, and I just end up really whingey or upset. I am just not feeling the love at work at the moment for some reason and there's no explanation for it. I don't think things are any worse there than usual - the problems are all the same. Ah well. As ever, onwards and upwards.
I had grand plans to get lots done today and didn't get much done at all but I did manage to cross lots of little annoying work jobs off my list. I have a couple of big frogs - one work one, and one exam one that I really will tackle tomorrow. I was going to do the exam one tonight but I have an awful headache and I'm in a foul mood so I won't do my best - so I'll do it for tomorrow.
Got home to a lovely clean house, and not much to do here. So the plan for the next 3 hours is to watch some tv I want to watch - maybe do a bit of crochet, then get into bed by 10 at the latest, do some Headspace and relax.
Might go and see if I can find any 'drowsy' drugs in the kitchen.

Chrystal

CCL I think with the situation you're in there's lots going on in the subconscious, even when we're not aware of it at the forefront of our minds. Go to sleep and the subconscious goes to work! I['d definitely try something to help you sleep... it can't do any harm and just might be of some help. (((hugs))) X

SpekySquarehead

Chrystal wrote: »

CCL I think with the situation you're in there's lots going on in the subconscious, even when we're not aware of it at the forefront of our minds. Go to sleep and the subconscious goes to work! I

This is a really good point. Completely agree.

It's probably not healthy but for me, I can't really be alone with my thoughts so I'm always listening to something (music, podcasts or radio) whenever I'm alone. That includes going to sleep. Otherwise I end up overthinking things, worrying, stressing etc. I slide my phone under my pillow and play it quietly. I soon drift off.

crazy_cat_lady

Just a quick check in to say I'm ok - I'm just home and just about to watch tv. I've done an extra tutoring session tonight, then been at my friend's house for dinner, which was lovely.
Work is still a bit pants - death by 10000 paper cuts is how it feels. Just when I think I'm getting somewhere, some other crap comes along to knock me off my feet. Another tough day.
I did take a 'drowsy' tablet last night and feel like I slept a bit better, but I was still up for an hour during the night. I'll try again tonight - I'm the same as you Speky - I need background noise just to distract me from my thoughts. Headspace if things are going well, and tv if not.
Right - Holby is on, so I'll check in properly tomorrow.

crazy_cat_lady

Hello :hello:
Another drowsy tablet last night, another marginally improved sleep but another terrible day at work today. Had a huge row with my Head of Department over just about nothing (whether or not tidying is a skill that has to be learned :rotfl: and what's more important between an underlined date and title or bringing a pen to school) and I was three quarters of the way to the office to say I was sick and going home when I realised that if I gave up and came home then I would probably be off work for an extended period of time. And that's not fair on the vast majority of the kids that I teach, and especially not those who want to do well on their GCSE's. So I went back upstairs and carried on - in an absolutely foul mood but still plodding on. Head of department came to see me during our free to sort things out but I didn't feel much better to be honest - just completely inadequate and useless. Which he insists is my own, skewed perception of things, but matches the messages I'm getting. There isn't one particular thing that's getting to me - it's loads of little things that wouldn't bother me on their own, but become a huge deal when it's constant. I sent the Head an email explaining how I'm feeling, and he wants to see me tomorrow - so we'll see how that goes. I was very grateful to leave work with only a minor migraine niggling - so I took some tablets then went to dd's options evening. What a waste of oxygen and time that was. However, she is going to do a catering qualification (among all the stuff she doesn't get to choose), which I am very excited about because I'm hoping that she'll love cooking so much then she will do it at home on a regular basis :D:D
Now at home, leftovers for dinner - headache gone and I'm just going to have a quiet couple of hours relaxing before trying again for another early, peaceful night. Hoping to get up feeling like facing the world tomorrow.