One partner not working through choice

Fireflyaway

Thanks everyone. My husband is a computer nerd! I don't think they have so much gossiping in the office but there is a lot of competition and trying to out do each other and I'd hate that too. I just struggle being around people.
My dad knows of many people his age who have worked hard only to die shortly after retirement so there is definitely a balance to be had! We never know what may happen. I do want to spend more time with My parents. They are young and active now but won't always be.

jimbo747

I think the key is if you both set out responsibilities first and make it clear. I love my job, and I'd do it for free if I could, whereas wife became disillusioned with teaching. After birth of second child she became a sahm, I was more than happy to stay at work. I'm lucky in that my job pays very well. I give my wife £1500k a month as spending cash where she can take youngest out, treat herself, save etc and its her money to do as she wants, and I take care of the mortgage, bills, food, pensions, isas etc leaving me with a similar amount left over to spend as i wish too.

I'm happy because although I love my kids, I'm not as good as my wife with the kids what with her teaching background, and my personality type is suited to programming and logical thinking, so we decided we play to our strengths. Wife gets time to herself too after near a decade of neglecting herself after teaching.

We did used to fall out over things, for example she might moan about me not doing the washing, which is true, I counter that by saying I'm at work most of the day in my full time job, being at home is her 'job', I work every sunday night and I'm giving her near £2k a month, even offered to pay for a cleaner. I do most of the cooking as well as general tidying so I think we're finally at a 'level playing field' after 3 years, but I have learnt to bite my tongue as I did once say than saying I'll stay at home, and you find a job that pays you 6 figures, lets you turn up at work when you please, pick up the kids, and have as much lunch break as you want. But like the Koreas, we've reached a truce now, but it would have made things a lot easier and involved less falling out if had decided who would be responsible for what to begin with, right down to who washes the clothes.

Savvy_Sue

Fireflyaway wrote: »

I just struggle being around people.

You said earlier you'd thought of setting up a recruitment company. That would take a lot of working with people: to get the assignments, to recruit the right staff, to put them in the right places at the right times.

Personally it seems like a cutthroat game with low margins. And that's for established companies!

Loz01

jimbo747 wrote: »

I give my wife £1500k a month as spending cash where she can take youngest out, treat herself, save etc and its her money to do as she wants, and I take care of the mortgage, bills, food, pensions, isas etc leaving me with a similar amount left over to spend as i wish too.

Blimey, you sound like an amazing OH :eek::rotfl:

OP - can you not just find a 1/2 day a week job with minimal hours? That way you aren't under pressure from a full time job BUT you are still busy and out and about.

Red-Squirrel_2

easy wrote: »

Remember, nobody's dying words were I wish I spent more time at work.

This is very trite.

While those might not be anybody's last words, there are lots of people who find their jobs meaningful and fulfilling and when they reach their death bed are perfectly happy to have spent the time they did working.

Usinnit_2

I have several years out of work due to kids and complications. It drove me mad. Not only is it mind numbing and you find there is only so much you can do. Psychologically I found there wasn't much adult communication cause everyone else is at work. Returning to work for a change of environment I felt I had some independence back in my life. I would say consider what your going to do in your spare time. Also think about your future pension. As you might not have much of one depending on your circumstances.

pollypenny

jimbo747 wrote: »

I think the key is if you both set out responsibilities first and make it clear. I love my job, and I'd do it for free if I could, whereas wife became disillusioned with teaching. After birth of second child she became a sahm, I was more than happy to stay at work. I'm lucky in that my job pays very well. I give my wife £1500k a month as spending cash where she can take youngest out, treat herself, save etc and its her money to do as she wants, and I take care of the mortgage, bills, food, pensions, isas etc leaving me with a similar amount left over to spend as i wish too.

I'm happy because although I love my kids, I'm not as good as my wife with the kids what with her teaching background, and my personality type is suited to programming and logical thinking, so we decided we play to our strengths. Wife gets time to herself too after near a decade of neglecting herself after teaching.

We did used to fall out over things, for example she might moan about me not doing the washing, which is true, I counter that by saying I'm at work most of the day in my full time job, being at home is her 'job', I work every sunday night and I'm giving her near £2k a month, even offered to pay for a cleaner. I do most of the cooking as well as general tidying so I think we're finally at a 'level playing field' after 3 years, but I have learnt to bite my tongue as I did once say than saying I'll stay at home, and you find a job that pays you 6 figures, lets you turn up at work when you please, pick up the kids, and have as much lunch break as you want. But like the Koreas, we've reached a truce now, but it would have made things a lot easier and involved less falling out if had decided who would be responsible for what to begin with, right down to who washes the clothes.

Wow! You sound like a catch

What on earth does she do apart from looking after the kids?

When I went to do a degree we negotiated jobs. OH picked shopping and cooking, I did washing, ironing and cleaning. When the teaching job went mad, years later, we did have a cleaner.

I felt that it was a fair division of work, although I worked late into the night most days.

Tabbytabitha

easy wrote: »

Having insurance in place is a good thing too!

The problem is that we should balance living our lives for where we are now, without always worrying about what might happen. I know of a few people who worked very hard, lived quite frugally and put money away for when they retired - except quite soon after retirement they died (or in a couple of cases developed illness which limited what they could do).

Remember, nobody's dying words were !

Trust me, if you develop life limiting illnesses after retirement you will be very happy to have decent pensions and or savings - the needs of chronic illness don't come cheap!

[Deleted User]

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

You said earlier you'd thought of setting up a recruitment company. That would take a lot of working with people: to get the assignments, to recruit the right staff, to put them in the right places at the right times.

Personally it seems like a cutthroat game with low margins. And that's for established companies!

Yes agreed, a lot of people think recruitment consultant is easy to just get into when it isn't. Whether niche or one of the big boys.

All the OP has to do is look at a few job advertisements to know this or be presented with brochures from recruitment agencies themselves with Trainee positions within being advertised, who'll make the point "if you feel up for the challenge", even after you've made the initial application, to simply know that is a very hard industry. With the job market like it is now, I would want to run away!

I turned out recently to register with an agency who saw me out of hours, they even had a team 'sales' brief going on which kind of reminded me of being no different to debt collection.

https://www.indeed.co.uk/viewjob?jk=09f308a610360432&from=myjobs&tk=1cc8nugp817ho6tv

For the position you will need the following attributes to be considered which are but not restricted to:

Self-Starter
Team Leader
Positive personality
Outgoing
Confident
Able to cold call via telephone
Able to cold call clients in person (door knocking)
Computer literate
Able to take rejections
Good sense of humour
Stable individual

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Prior to that I was part time for 12 years

I am sorry this was when this thread become a bit vacant in the question being posed for me. The OP must know how they previously coped as part time to have bit of an idea at the option given to them. But of course not everyone's history is dragged up.

[Deleted User]

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Trust me, if you develop life limiting illnesses after retirement you will be very happy to have decent pensions and or savings - the needs of chronic illness don't come cheap!

Actually Miss Biggles or who ever else you use to post under, not quite correct. My aunt who rarely worked during her work life and is pretty much the average council tenant, has managed to anger my father when recently was awarded help towards a stair lift, whereas my brother and sister in law used their entire life savings to fund his adapted housing needs.

So if you know how to play the system right, well.