One partner not working through choice

Ozzuk

You need to consider what happens if things go wrong. Ill health for him or relationship end. We never want these things but they happen - do you want to be struggling for money, no real pension?

If you have the luxury of high income, then look into opportunities for using that instead, put more aside, make future plans to use it (both retire early for instance), buy a better home, develop a property, buy a business. Any of those things could invigorate you rather than stopping work. perhaps you both have the option of taking a sabbatical, go travelling etc.

There is also the social side, its surprising how many people miss the people/routine of a job (though some don't!).

Finally, your husband is fine with it now, but then something in his job changes, or his stress levels increase, suddenly your rosey life is very tempting for him and resentment builds up.

Of course, it could all work out the other way, but worth considering these things.

elsien

Also depends if both parties are working to the same expectations. Relative had a wife who never wanted to work, although she didn't make that fully clear until after they were married (worked up until the marriage). Stayed at home with the kids then never went back to work even when they were older. Didn't volunteer, preferred to be a lady what lunched. Relative became very frustrated because he still ended up doing most of the shopping and cooking etc. Not the only factor, but it probably contributed to their divorce. Not the not working so much, but the perceived unfairness of the final arrangement.
Needs good ongoing communication, I would think.

itzmee

I am in this exact situation now, where I gave up my part time job six months ago to recover after an injury. I hated my job and the commute anyway. I wanted to take 6 months out and DH was happy for me to do so as he earns enough for us to live on. I get keep money from my oldest ds, and child benefit for youngest, so that covers the bills that I pay.


DH loves the fact that I am home now as he works shifts, and we didn't used to see much of each other. He gets a clean house, a meal on the table and best of all, there is now a 'sandwich fairy' as he had to make his own previously! My wages mostly used to go towards savings and takeaways, the latter of which we have mostly cut out, but on the plus side we are having more home cooked meals and he has a happy wife. However I am now feeling healthier and am looking for a new part time job nearer home, though DH is not hassling me at all. We were lucky that we had enough savings as a cushion, and though I would be happy not to work at all, we couldn't do that long term and I miss the social interaction with colleagues.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

You also might want to consider your pension status if you give up work.

Finding a part time job in an area that's less well paid but something you're genuinely interested in could be life-changing.

Tabbytabitha

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Yeah the conversation came up because I said I was not looking forward to Monday morning. I've never really enjoyed worked although I always have worked right from 16.
I suppose my husband would expect a tidy house and for me to do something ( volunteering , visit family etc) not just sit about! Fair enough.
I would feel relief that's true but wouldn't want my husband to feel burdened. He likes working so probably wouldnt.
The other option is to just get on with it! live off his salary and save mine. If I kept working would be more financially sound in terms of savings etc. I'd hate to feel responsible for cutting our lifestyle. That feels selfish.

Why not try that for a couple of months and see how you manage on only one salary?

How old are you, by the way?

itzmee

I also forgot to mention that I transferred my tax allowance to DH so he is taking advantage of that, and that won't affect me when I do go back to work.

Starrystarrynight1

I always hated working but, in the end, only gave up through ill health. My husband doesn't mind being the breadwinner at all; I think he kind of likes it, actually. I've worked full time since I was 16 and right through our relationship, so I don't feel like a slacker as far as contribution goes. I try to look after him and the house as much as my health allows, which I feel is only fair. We've taken advantage of the married couples tax allowance. It's all working out well for us.

If you can't bear to give up completely, you could always go back to part time.

AylesburyDuck

When my husband was at university i worked so he could study and we could pay the rent/bills/eat, then i carried on working after he graduated and got a job till we had the 4 kids.
We have always worked on the basis that any money coming into the relationship was "family" money, earnings, bonuses, inheritances, all of it, what was mine is his and what was his was mine.
We then had the children, and lets face it ladies and gents it's a full time job when they are little, your a wife,mother,cook,cleaner, referee,nurse,chauffeur and a million and one other things, which if you employed people to do all those things would add up to a pretty penny.
The kids are now grown and more or less independent, and i could go back to work should i choose, but A/ i'm in my 50's now, and frankly whats the point B/ Dont think i could tolerate workplace politics these days, raising 4 kids lowers your bullsh*t filter tolerance level C/JUST HELL NO.
Do i feel like a slacker or i'm sponging, not one jot, i've raised 4 kids i'm proud of, my contribution in one form or another to our household has been vast.
The point being, go for it, try it, if you dont like it find a job and go back to work. Nothings written in stone is it!

hazyjo

I feel very different in my late 40s to how I did before. I would happily give up work now. I've worked for over 30 years. Without kids, I've not even had a maternity break or 'next stage' of my life. I'm sure when younger I'd not have wanted to feel dependent on anyone, nor that I wasn't as equal or capable, but now I know it's not about that. One of my close friends has a ridiculously stressful responsible job with very long and has made the major decision to just quit. She said she doesn't care what she does but wants time to enjoy life again and relax.

My OH doesn't work. He used to, before I knew him. Stressful job which pretty much resulted in a total breakdown. He's bipolar and had problems with cocaine (the two often go hand in hand) and would be quite happy to never leave the house again. Said he's had enough friends and nights out to last him a lifetime. He only really goes out with me and a couple I know, and we have his dad and son stay occasionally and have a takeaway or go out for dinner. If he did nothing, or spent loads of money, I would begrudge it. But he does absolutely everything indoors and makes my life so much easier. I've realised it's not so much the job that gets me down, it was trying to fit everything else in too.

I occasionally get wound up if he has a down day (sometimes he can't help it, other times he looks at things he know will upset him) or if I think he's not understanding if I've had a rubbish day. Rarely about money.

The house is mine and I only have a small mortgage with lots of equity.

LavenderBee

I am following with interest. I'm going to be a SAHM from this summer and it scares the wotsit out of me at the moment; I've worked since I was 13, full time since 17, moved out at 18. Always paid for everything myself and then 50/50 split with DH (though I earn less). We have to move far away from my job anyway, it wouldn't be financially viable for me to work in the new area (no opportunities that pay more than childcare!). For medical reasons if we have bambino #2 they probably won't be far behind #1 so it could end up being a 5-6 year career break. Personally, I am going to miss the sense of achievement from working, but I think that's because it's there for me to miss, because I don't dislike my job (most days...). Hopefully breakthroughs in raising little one(s) will replace any sense of loss from meeting deadlines.


Personal spends are something I worry about a lot - I *hate* the idea of asking DH for money for personal items. One day I'll have to bite the bullet, though perhaps by the time I reach that point I'll be so exhausted from running round after little one I'll be too tired to get embarrassed over asking if I can take some money out of the budget to buy socks...


We're only in our 30s so still time for things to change round, and for me to be the breadwinner later in life perhaps. DH doesn't resent it at all and likes the idea of looking after us both (bearing in mind it's all on paper at the moment and not our reality just yet!)