One partner not working through choice

74jax

We are in that position, whereby we can save my salary and part of hubby's too so it would be very easy for me to stop working. The thing that has stopped me, is I love my job. I really really enjoy it and feel incredibly valued at work. I have been in jobs previously where that hasn't been the case and I'd have packed in the moment it was a possibility......


If you aren't happy in your job, then life is way to short to spend the majority of your day doing something that you don't enjoy especially when you don't have too.


Could you maybe take a year off. In that year volunteer in a sector you like and go tot he gym etc. but you know it's for a year only. That way on returning to the workforce you can say it was a set amount of time off to volunteer and gain skills etc etc.


To be honest though, are your friends all working? would you be able to fill in your time if you didn't volunteer (the gym only takes up so much time).

maisie_cat

I was able to give up work and I love it actually. I gave up work due to illness and the original intention was to go back after surgery. We managed financially and I do so much that neither of us feel that one contributes less than the other. I don't go to the gym or spend very much money on personal stuff, and I manage the money anyway.
I do look after him, although he doesn't expect it, today I got up at 3am to make him breakfast/lunch and get him off to work. Since then I have made bread, fitted a windowsill, painted a wardrobe, fitted some shelving, and painted the bathroom walls. Now I'm sitting down!, but i doubt I sit for more than an hour during the day.
Our lives are more balanced, even though we have less money, and food made from scratch tastes so much better than the pre-prepared we used to live on!

NeilCr

LavenderBee wrote: »

Personal spends are something I worry about a lot - I *hate* the idea of asking DH for money for personal items. One day I'll have to bite the bullet, though perhaps by the time I reach that point I'll be so exhausted from running round after little one I'll be too tired to get embarrassed over asking if I can take some money out of the budget to buy socks...


!)

From personal experience this - the lack of financial independence - is the biggest hurdle.

My wife had to give up work and so I became the main breadwinner. Unfortunately, she went on a spending spree or two (to do with illness) and we went overdrawn. We had a difficult conversation - she didn't want to have to ask me for permission to buy something - I didn't want to be asked - but! Fortunately she then got an ill health pension so that became "her" money and the problem went away.

A bit different as my current partner and I do not live together. We are both retired - my income is considerably higher than hers - I have an occupational pension - she doesn't - she has a large family - I have none.

When we go out we got"Dutch". But for "big ticket" events (concert in London with a hotel for instance) I pay because she can't afford it. I don't mind at all but I know it nags her not being able to contribute.

I'd also echo the comments about having enough to do. I know that, when I retired and I'd gone part time for a while to settle into it, I still struggled with filling the days. I joined the gym, I volunteer and do other things, but it's easy to underestimate the change from being a full time employee with all the social interaction that goes with it to suddenly being at home alone.

arielsmelody

I'm sort of half and half because I'm self-employed working from home somewhere between part time and full time (or sometimes full time plus a bit).


I did think about going back to work in an office but one hurdle is references - after a while all the people you have worked with have moved on or the office has closed so it gradually gets more and more difficult to find someone to give a reference. Just for that reason as much as anything else, I'd say keep working part time to keep your options open.

Spendless

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Interesting stuff, thanks everyone. I've only been working full time for the last 6 months. Prior to that I was part time for 12 years and I still can't get used to it! I wanted to prove to myself I was capable of securing a more responsible job. I have ( just i think. Not passed probation yet!) But I am not fulfilled. I miss shopping when the supermarket is quiet, meeting mum for coffee etc.
I'm a bit disorganized with money! My salary is primarily to pay school fees but it's all kind of mixed to be fair.
On the company side. I never get lonely and don't actually like being around people. One of the reasons I struggle at work actually. I don't think being at home would be an issue on that front.

Possibly you haven't given it enough time. Full time work after a period of part-time or not working can be a shock to the system. Fitting in 'life' around f-time hours can be an issue. What hours and days do you do? I work 8-4 and far prefer it to the 9-5 I used to have, as I still get time to fit in appointments etc.

Would school fees still be affordable if you were to quit your job? As you probably know already, each year is more expensive and you pay for each exam they sit, so these costs will start becoming dearer.

Primrose

You don't say how old you are or how long you,ve been married but I urge you to project yourself 20 or 30 years into the future and imagine that your husband has left you, has become too ill to work or something else has happened leaving you with inadequate finance and you're now facing an impoverished old age because you absolved taking financial responsibility for yourself.

My mother always advised me Never give up your own financial independence. Yiu never know what the future holds and not having your own pension at minimum would in my view be a crucial mistake.

Also, at some point will this negate your own self esteem having no financial independence and a separate identity of your own? It depends on the type of person you are. Do you really want just to be an appendage of your husband? I think after a while you might find it rather an empty and unfulfilling life however pleasant it my sound on the surface.

Gloomendoom

Primrose wrote: »

I think after a while you might find it rather an empty and unfulfilling life however pleasant it my sound on the surface.

On the other hand, it might open up opportunities, equally fulfilling or more so, that would not be possible while working full time.

My wife is keen for me to give up work. Would that make me a mere appendage of my wife?

I don't think so.

Marvel1

Sounds a bit controlling, you don't work, you have to rely on me to provide.

Fireflyaway

Thanks for all these viewpoints. To answer a few questions, I'm 38 and married 15 years. I can work flexible hours so I normally do 8:30am - 4:30pm to fit around school. I'm just finding i miss meeting my mum and doing jobs in the week when it's quieter. I enjoyed going for a walk and tidying up the house when it was empty rather than hoovering around my family! I'm feeling all I do now is work and sleep. I don't hate my job but I don't particularly like it either. Maybe I'm just lazy.
I never thought about bigger spends. Day to day I don't need much but I'd hate to feel I'm pressuring my husband if we wanted a big holiday or there is an expensive school trip. Or treating him to a birthday present with his money.... I like to do my part.
Maybe part time in a role i enjoy is a good compromise. Bit of financial independence, enough time to do stuff I enjoy.

hazyjo

cjdavies wrote: »

Sounds a bit controlling, you don't work, you have to rely on me to provide.

Does that make me controlling, or is it just when it's in reverse (ie the woman not working)?!