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One partner not working through choice

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Fireflyaway
Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766 Forumite
Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts
My husband said he would be happy for me not to work if his salary covered everything. I'm tempted, but wondered if it would change the dynamics. Would I feel guilty not earning or could he resent me after a hard day's work? I might miss having my own money.

The thought of being able to keep the house nice and go to the gym and volunteering etc is appealing although in reality would I actually do those things?!
Anybody done this? Did it change your relationship in a good or bad way? Any advice?
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  • Sea_Shell
    Sea_Shell Posts: 10,017 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    We've both had periods of being the "home-maker" and it's worked for us. We joke about one of us being a sponger and the other having to go to work!!! We have no issues regards personal spends, as neither of us are really spenders...more like squirrilers!!

    Only you know the dynamic of your relationship, and whether it would cause friction down the line.

    Assuming that you really can comfortably manage on one salary, and that you could go back to work quickly if that job was to go, or through ill health etc.

    Good luck!!
    How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.60% of current retirement "pot" (as at end May 2025)
  • Doodles
    Doodles Posts: 413 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Photogenic
    I am not in that situation, or ever will be I guess, but yes I think it would change the dynamics completely.

    How would you feel to have to ask your husband for money for anything you purchase?

    And are you intending to keep paying into a pension (or hubby pay in for you?)

    If it was me, I think I would find the initial few months a wave of relief not to have to work, but I know I would get bored eventually, and would not like for one moment not having my own money to do what I liked.

    I'm intrigued why your husband has option the option on the table. And what his expectations are if you did give up work? Are you very unhappy with your work?
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,652 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 24 April 2018 at 7:14AM
    'Sort of' I only started completely full-time work after eldest has finished his GCSEs and youngest was 13.

    The interim years were made up of not working, being at college, working school hours (but not term time only) and ad-hoc work. Various reasons as to why.

    What does your wages currently pay for? Mine has only ever paid for the 'extras'. So when I lost my job unexpectedly a couple of years ago I thought we'd be fine. I hadn't taken into account how much the 'extras' build up. Things like replacing household goods and clothes and club fees if you don't want to stop going and there's a waiting list so dropping out and re-joining later isn't an option. Re-decorating the house, going out for a meal, attending a special event (eg relatives wedding).

    In addition, companionship can be hard through the day. The older your child is, the more likelihood that any SAHM parents have now returned to work.

    I never had to 'ask' my husband for money though even when I earned nothing. I was always aware of what was in our joint account (more so than my wage earner husband) but any larger purchases would be discussed first (for us at that time that was anything £50+). To this day we still discuss what needs paying for and which 'pot' the money needs to come out of.
  • Fireflyaway
    Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts
    Yeah the conversation came up because I said I was not looking forward to Monday morning. I've never really enjoyed worked although I always have worked right from 16.
    I suppose my husband would expect a tidy house and for me to do something ( volunteering , visit family etc) not just sit about! Fair enough.
    I would feel relief that's true but wouldn't want my husband to feel burdened. He likes working so probably wouldnt.
    The other option is to just get on with it! live off his salary and save mine. If I kept working would be more financially sound in terms of savings etc. I'd hate to feel responsible for cutting our lifestyle. That feels selfish.
  • SunnyCyprus
    SunnyCyprus Posts: 103 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    It sounds to me that you have the gift of ‘choice’ right now!
    You can choose to: 1, stay in your current job; 2, become a full time housewife; 3, change your job.

    I’d go with 3. Look for something completely different to what you currently do, go part time maybe. You’ll have the benefit of still bringing home an income and have an extra day or so to go out and about.
    :cool:
    If you want to do something, you will find a way.
    If you don't, then you will find an excuse...
    :cool:
  • Doodles
    Doodles Posts: 413 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Photogenic
    If your hubby feels you could both manage on his salary, then perhaps another option would be for you to go part time.

    You would still be bringing in a bit of money, have your own money to spend, but have the advantage of a little more time at home, and not having to deal with the usual office politics every single day?

    One of my goals is to be working only 4 days a week when I reach 50 :-)
  • Money_maker
    Money_maker Posts: 5,471 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    What SunnyCyprus said, change job and find something you really, really enjoy. Maybe part time or seasonal so you actually look forward to going to work, that way you can do the house and gym on your time off.
    Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed. ;)

    If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'

    Declutterers of the world - unite! :rotfl::rotfl:
  • Fireflyaway
    Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts
    Interesting stuff, thanks everyone. I've only been working full time for the last 6 months. Prior to that I was part time for 12 years and I still can't get used to it! I wanted to prove to myself I was capable of securing a more responsible job. I have ( just i think. Not passed probation yet!) But I am not fulfilled. I miss shopping when the supermarket is quiet, meeting mum for coffee etc.
    I'm a bit disorganized with money! My salary is primarily to pay school fees but it's all kind of mixed to be fair.
    On the company side. I never get lonely and don't actually like being around people. One of the reasons I struggle at work actually. I don't think being at home would be an issue on that front.
  • Lrimas
    Lrimas Posts: 196 Forumite
    I had the exact conversation with OH a few months ago after he doubled his salary. After weighing up the options (I just can't be dependent on someone else) I decided to go for (3) - change jobs. I resigned at work the day after.

    I now have a job where I work from home 4 days a week and earn a lot more (I had the benefit of searching for the right job instead of just taking the first one that came along).

    I'm still not happy at work - I don't think I ever will be. But... I am no longer miserable and I can now retire in a few years time (I'm investing 75% of my salary). And I have a lot more time to myself.

    My sister took the other option. She stopped working and they are constantly having arguments about money (she hates asking for money and he keeps on forgetting to transfer the money). She has since changed career and is happier.

    If your husband can really support both of you there is no reason not to quit your current job. Maybe save a bit of money so you are not completely reliant on him. Then take some time for yourself and decide what you want to do.
  • bertiewhite
    bertiewhite Posts: 1,904 Forumite
    1,000 Posts
    My wife was NOT able to work due to health reasons and although my wage was able to cover everything and I didn't want her to work because it was affecting her health, she said she always felt guilty that I had to give her an allowance.

    Go part time.
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