Work Wifes and Husbands

System

My man has only one wife, in life, love, and work etc and thats me.

Emily1968

panagia wrote: »

I didn't see the other thread but I think this is stretching credibility slightly. A work spouse who lives 80 miles away, so an 160 mile round trip to see a woman he is supposedly secretly seeing behind the OPs back :think:



I'm starting to wonder who is trolling whom, to be honest with you. And with that I shall bow out of this thread.

I dont know if you saw earlier but basically situation is my husband is a regional manager for marketing company. We live in the northwest but my husbands region is the southwest so he stays in hotels in the week. His "work wife" is a regional manager for a different region. Twice per month they all get together for meetings with the MD in central London . They all meet up the evening before and check into a hotel in London, go out for a meal and drinks then the next day have there meeting.

Yes its absolutely correct she has invited us over so it would be a hotel job near by, they live about 80miles away. hope that clears it up

Happier_Me

I had a work husband in my last job and we used the terms 'work wife' and 'work husband' very freely with each other and in front of our other halves. We finally got 'divorced' (by email) about a year after I left my job because the whole not working at the same company thing was causing real problems in our by then non existent working relationship!

We worked together closely, day in, day out, there was loads of banter and bickering and absolutely zero romantic feelings or attraction, just a friendship based around work and a shared sense of humour. I've been very happily married forever and my ex work husband was in a long term relationship with the mother of his daughter. I knew his girlfriend as she worked for the same company and although my real husband never met him, I expect they would have found each other hilarious.

The term used to describe a work colleague does not determine if you are going to have an affair with them. If your husband is going to have an affair he will, given the opportunity. What makes me suspicious of your husband is the regular contact outside of work (we never did this, why would we need to outside of the job!) and the secrecy with his phone. Either there is a risk of an affair here or maybe the work friendship is extending beyond that of the work environment. I'd agree to the meal before you jump to any conclusions.

Pollycat

Emily1968 wrote: »

I dont know if you saw earlier but basically situation is my husband is a regional manager for marketing company. We live in the northwest but my husbands region is the southwest so he stays in hotels in the week. His "work wife" is a regional manager for a different region. Twice per month they all get together for meetings with the MD in central London . They all meet up the evening before and check into a hotel in London, go out for a meal and drinks then the next day have there meeting.

Yes its absolutely correct she has invited us over so it would be a hotel job near by, they live about 80miles away. hope that clears it up

I have to admit that I thought the working relationship between the OP's husband and the woman he calls his 'work wife' would be physically closer than described above i.e. fortnightly meetings.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Due to similarities in age, clothing choices and music/film/art likes, I've been in the situation of having a work husband - only because we were older than the rest of the department, it was nicknamed Work Mum & Dad.

The OH has no issue with this.


But my ex would have gone ballistic and accused me of everything under the sun if I so much as mentioned another man's name more than once, never mind anything about getting on well or being jokingly referred to as a couple.


Ah yes, the ex. Let's see what led to him becoming an ex - he accused me of flirting, having an affair, being interested in somebody, managed to get into my phone whilst I was in the loo and sent a foul message to a friend telling them that he was really scaring me and I wasn't interested because I had a boyfriend/I'd tell his wife if he ever contacted me again (found that out later when the friend messaged another way to profusely apologise for coming across like that and he'd never dream of doing something offensive - I was somewhat confused until he told me what the message coming from my number had been), denied all knowledge of touching my phone when asked about it, once I put a lock on it, I'd regularly wake up to find the passcode entry had failed three times, plus whining, moaning and generally becoming incredibly unpleasant to be around.

I never cheated, never even came close, but the behaviour put me off so much that I realised if I were to have an affair, he couldn't exactly behave any worse towards me and at least I'd have had the 'excitement'. :cool: I think the phrase is you might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.


In any case, once I was volunteering to stay longer at places rather than go back and deal with the latest batch of whining and moaning and accusations, I decided I didn't want to live like this, dumped him and started dating a couple of months later. Naturally, I had the constant 'it's because you're sleeping with someone else', his family being told I was seeing somebody else, lots of 'I KNOW you're seeing someone else' and specific accusations about another person he'd had a bee in his bonnet about for the last year.


Meh. In the months after I'd left him, I dated three people that he had known were part of my immediate friends/colleagues - none of them was the person he is still presumably convinced I was having an affair with.


You need to think about whether there is anything he could do to reassure you - if the only thing would be to leave his job, you're on a loser, as even then, your relationship would be irretrievably damaged for him to be forced to leave, whether it's to choose between a mistress and you or to choose between an innocent work relationship and job and you. You either trust him or you don't - and if you can't trust him, you're better off breaking up now than destroying any chances of getting along during contact visits int he future when he has enough of it.

Emily1968

Pollycat wrote: »

I have to admit that I thought the working relationship between the OP's husband and the woman he calls his 'work wife' would be physically closer than described above i.e. fortnightly meetings.

Thats actually a very good point , its not like their in the same office day in day out as they're in different regions. They do often have ad hoc meetings so maybe see eachother four times in a month.

Its the constant contact that's has really got me thinking as I said before weekends have always been our time as he stays away mid week

pollypenny

When I worked very closely with a guy I called him my little brother.

NBLondon

I've only heard the phrase in relation to TV presenters - people who work closely together for a long time and are friends as well. So I don't see why that situation couldn't arise in any workplace where people work closely over a long period... As long as other partners are happy - it's not a problem. Though other people may jump to unwarranted conclusions - some time ago I had a colleague I worked with closely who had the same first name as my wife and people who overheard me talking about what I'd done at the weekend did wonder if there was something going on...

But back to the point - all the other bits of Emily's story look like an affair is happening, hoped for or something. It may not actually be with work wife - so visiting her could be a smokescreen. (Puts down stirring stick now...)

ska_lover

I honestly don't get why the term wife or husband comes into it though - it is making a work colleague and boosting them up to be something they are not (or probably shouldn't be) - Just the very term IMO brings the implication there is something exceedingly special about the relationship - far above and beyond the 'work mate' status.

I just hate fake BS and this term is one of those things

One of my best life long mates is a member of the opposite gender whom i met at work years back, I refer to him in all manner of swear words. Never 'work husband'. I have a husband and don't wish for another lol

Emily1968

Well Sunday evening came and I spoke to my husband who is back now down south. He insisted it was innocent , he eventually did show me his phone and there were no messages from the woman in question.... I feel like I'm no further on....