Work Wifes and Husbands

newuser86

What did he say when you confronted him last night about it all?

maman

I had a quick look at the wiki definition and realised I've had many work wives but in a single sex relationship!!i:D

I'm not trivialising your concerns but I've read many threads on here over time about husbands and wives complaining about the other half spending too much time with mates. Sadly in today's world, we often get to spend a huge amount of time with colleagues with little time left for friends outside work.

I didn't read your other thread so all I know is that he openly texts her outside of work when you're with him. I do that with my friends and colleagues and my DH doesn't mind a bit. I'm going to be with a male colleague tomorrow when DH is at work and you've reminded me I haven't told DH yet. I'll mention it over dinner but I know it won't be a problem.

I think I'd find it rude if DH was texting friends (male or female) if we were busy doing something else like having a meal or a conversation but otherwise I wouldn't worry.

Have you any reason to suppose there's any more to this than a close friend and colleague?

Pollycat

Emily1968 wrote: »

well we all have our opinions, personally I do appreciate strangers opinion as it may give me ideas or different ways of dealing with a problem. Ultimately people around you close to a situation are emotionally attached some who and while at times that's fine but othertimes its better to have a strangers view . for example since posting I have learnt the term was an Americanism , that various Tv co presenters use the term as do sit coms and that opinion is split from your view that its just a silly name to others
like me who do find it disrespectful. All opinions much appreciated

And do those opinions and the things you've learned make the suspicion that you husband is cheating on you go away? Or make his behaviour any easier to bear?

You might find the term 'work wife' disrespectful but if your husband is having an affair with her, does it really matter how he refers to her?

I'd find the fact that my husband was having an affair much more disrespectful than how he referred to her.

Emily1968

Pollycat wrote: »

And do those opinions and the things you've learned make the suspicion that you husband is cheating on you go away? Or make his behaviour any easier to bear?

You might find the term 'work wife' disrespectful but if your husband is having an affair with her, does it really matter how he refers to her?

I'd find the fact that my husband was having an affair much more disrespectful than how he referred to her.

Well ill see him next for the day on Sunday and im going to speak again. he just says and im being stupid and "everyone has a work spouse" hence I kind of got hooked on that term as I hadnt heard of it and felt out of touch maybe

Pollycat

Emily1968 wrote: »

Well ill see him next for the day on Sunday and im going to speak again. he just says and im being stupid and "everyone has a work spouse" hence I kind of got hooked on that term as I hadnt heard of it and felt out of touch maybe

Well, I'd tell him he's wrong. Not everybody has a'work spouse'.
In fact, a lot of people had never heard the phrase before.

Just curious - does he tend to bamboozle you when you have these discussions about him using his phone?
It sounds a bit like he's fobbing you off and hoping you'll accept his explanation.
Calling you 'stupid' is - imho - much more disrespectful than referring to his work colleague as 'work wife'.

balletshoes

Emily1968 wrote: »

Its the taking about her and the very little time I do get at weekends he calls her then which is odd as its been the last six months. Like I said im interested to hear who has a work spouse .I personally hate the term and find it disrespectful

that behaviour is not in my understanding of "work spouse". I have colleagues who refer to each other as "work husband" and "work wife", both are in long-term relationships with other people, and there isnt and never has been any idea that they would sexually get together. They look after each other, they sit next to each other, and they've done so for such a long time that they have established a close friend relationship.

The "work husband" and "work wife" I know don't call each other when they are spending time with their partners. And they don't talk to their partners more about their "work spouse" any more than they talk to them about any of the other colleagues they spend time with at work.

balletshoes

Emily1968 wrote: »

Well ill see him next for the day on Sunday and im going to speak again. he just says and im being stupid and "everyone has a work spouse" hence I kind of got hooked on that term as I hadnt heard of it and felt out of touch maybe

I don't have a work spouse.

Emily1968

Pollycat wrote: »

Well, I'd tell him he's wrong. Not everybody has a'work spouse'.
In fact, a lot of people had never heard the phrase before.

Just curious - does he tend to bamboozle you when you have these discussions about him using his phone?
It sounds a bit like he's fobbing you off and hoping you'll accept his explanation.
Calling you 'stupid' is - imho - much more disrespectful than referring to his work colleague as 'work wife'.

at the moment he has it stuck to him even going to the loo. I havent asked outright to read it but he has a lock on anyway because of the kids but I will be doing.

eschaton

Emily1968 wrote: »

at the moment he has it stuck to him even going to the loo.

He's taking you for a mug.

There is a good reason for him taking his phone to the loo.

He's certainly greedy

Pollycat

Emily1968 wrote: »

at the moment he has it stuck to him even going to the loo. I havent asked outright to read it but he has a lock on anyway because of the kids but I will be doing.

But if he's deleting his messages - probably both sent and received - what are you likely to find if he hands his phone over for you to look at?

I think if he really is having an affair, he knows you're suspicious and will have all the answers ready.
He's likely to run rings round you and it will probably end up with you feeling totally in the wrong for even thinking of doubting his fidelity to you.
This is how marital cheats work.