New Sticky? What To Do When A Partner/Spouse Leaves

kisto

Bumping

(((hugs))) to firestorm, surfwidow80 and Anxious1.

scwbidw

I'm in a similar situation to you all. I have a 3 year old and a baby and over the past year or so my partner has been overly friendly with a colleague at work. Every time I've seen texts, he's promised me that he wouldn't do it again, and he always has. I'm at my wits end as to what to do for the best. I asked him to leave, and he did for a week, however he now thinks that things are back to normal.
I feel numb and very sad, and it's hard to be cheerfull with the children which are my priority at the moment.
I don't know what to do for the best, and to be honest I don't even want to think about it at the moment.
Hugs to you all, because it's a really desolate and dark place to be.

donella_2

Hi Scwbidw (((hugs)))

Deja vu that is what happened to me. In hindsight I think your partner is maybe feeling left out and way down your list of priorities. When you met you only had each other and now the children come first. He probably doesn't realize he feels like this and doesn't know how much it really hurts :mad: you. This person at work gives him her full attention and he feels flattered. You are playing into her hands. Sorry I don't mean to be harsh.

Fight for your man (yes he should know better :rolleyes: ), but play this person at her own game. Play to win. Is there family or friends who can babysit for you?
Then go out on "dates" :kisses2: with your DH. You know from other boards and posts on this site that things can be done which you will not need any money to do. Flirt with him again. Send him saucy texts, write him little love :lovethoug notes and leave them in odd places, eg in his lunch or in his trouser pockets, I am sure you can do this fantastically and come up with different ideas.
I know you shouldn't have to do this. But most men do not understand women. Pull out all the stops. :happyhear
Now repeat after me "I am beautiful,
I am fantastic,
I am the best mum ever,
I am wonderful:A :A
I can do this
I will win"
Put love and romance back into your relationship. Yes I know it is hard with the children as I have two also. Unfortunatly I didn't follow my own advice until too late.
Good luck and have good fun

(((hugs)))

lifesucks_2

Hi Guys i think this topic is really useful, i'm soon gonna be in the same situation....i'll give you a bit of background.....

I am 21 and i've been with my boyfriend for nearly 7 years and i think i've fell out of love with him, grown apart. I love him but not the kind that makes your tummy go funny and stuff. He is in the navy too so i never get to see him, i haven't seen in this year yet!

He has cheated on me too, about 3-4 years ago and because i was so young i decided to give him a second chance but its not got any better i don't trust him anymore and my mind is always wondering what he is upto when he is away.

It's such a big decision to make and i haven't really got anyone to support me, my mum isn't that kind of person she just says i'll be fine! i know i can move back in with her she would like nothing more! Just the emotional side of things that i need support with!

Now the tricky part of the seperation.......

We've lived together for nearly 2 years and we've got a mortgage with a loan attached to it (the northern rock together thingy) but we've also got a secured loan and a credit card in joint names....and the practicality of splitting up is the only thing thats stopping me from taking the plunge.

From previous replys to the this thread i guess i need to get a solicitor and go to CAB but i'm worrying about the cost of a solicitor as we don't have much spare money at the end of every month!

He earns alot more than me does this mean he'll have to pay a higher % of the shared debt?

I don't want to leave things in a bad way as i still care for him loads!

We'll probably both move back with our parents so we'll sell this place.

This is gonna be so hard, he is home at easter and this is when i plan to tell him, do you think i need to see someone before i tel lhim?

Thanks eveyone i know you'll be able to help

and sorry for the long post

firestorm

Hi lifesucks, (it sure does)
If you are on a low income you would probably be entitled to Legal Aid. I think your first port of call should be the CAB though. Sometimes they have a legal person there one day a week, it may be worth checking to see if your local CAB does that.
Keep your chin up, & keep posting, it helps to keep you busy.

nicki_2

This thread has been a real help, I split from my partner of 8 years last August but we remained living together so he could "help". This was a major mistake as I have now found out that he's been seeing someone else for at least a year (be it only officially since August when we split) and now the split is far from amicable as he walked out last night and left me and our 7-year-old daughter (well 7 in a couple of weeks) after I told him some home & legal truths about the situation he was getting into.

SO this morning I'm off to the CAB to find out what I am entitled to, then the job centre to see about training to become a teacher or some sort of training in IT as thats what I want to teach, make a quick stop off at our local council one-stop-shop (local council office) to amend the housing application I put in on Monday when I realised there was no going back. I AM STRONG AND I CAN DO THIS :T:T :D

Anxious1

nicki wrote: »

I AM STRONG AND I CAN DO THIS

This is a good thing to remember.

Its been a month since my husband left, I've managed to pull myself together enough to make some decisions about my future (where to live, etc) and decide what I want.

Its hard but I'm begining to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm fed up of feeling low and I want to be happy again.

My family have been great. Its overwhelming how much they want to help me.

destiny_star2006

I would never fight for my partner if he was getting swayed to be with someone else!!!!
Fare enough show him you love him and do all the things with love notes etc but not to be in competition with another woman just do it cos you care!
I regularly put sticky notes in oh packed lunch with apick of me and dd saying we love you and thats not cos im scared he will go elsewhere i just think he should know alothough he gets stick of the lads at work but he says there only jelous lmao x

emjem_3

Bump.....................

Anxious1

I didn’t think I would get here but I have! Its been 3 months since my husband walked out and I’m feeling so much better about everything. I’m doing really well generally, the house that was left in such a state is pretty much ready for sale, I’ve been getting back in touch with my family and friends which has been so wonderful, work is going incredibly well and I’ve been getting so much support its been great. My husband has agreed we should sell the house and split the proceeds (easier said that done as he’s not paid a penny to get the house ready or put any effort in and he’s being totally unrealistic about value in the current market), he has also ‘agreed’ I can divorce him and he will share costs and won't defend, divorce is now what I want; now I have accepted it is over and there is no going back.

Its still a pretty tragic situation and I’m having good and bad days, but many more of the good days, I’m getting my independance back and I’m feeling so much more freedom than I have done in years. Its been strange adjusting and I’m not there yet but I feel so strong and positive.